break-up before or after b-day?

[CO]

I know mky relationship is running out of steam and it is time to move on. My other's b-day is coming up soon. I want things to be the least hurtful for both of us, because i do care about feelings. So, should I end it now, a week before? or take them out for the celebration and end it later? It sux either way, i know.

[midori]

Do it after. You're right, it will suck either way but special events like birthdays, Christmas, etc. are terrible when you're trying to get over a relationship -- especially if it just ended. Don't do anything over the top celebration-wise because then the break-up will seem out of the blue, and very confusing to your soon-to-be ex. My ex ended our relationship just a few days after my birthday this year (too complicated to explain but the timing didn't happen to have anything to do with before/after my b-day. At least I don't think it did. Hmm...). The break-up wasn't precipitated by anything in particular and he had indeed gone over-the-top for my birthday so at first I actually thought he had lost his mind when he announced he wanted to break up. I was in shock, and numb with pain for weeks after the breakup, but even so I was glad that it hadn't happened before my birthday. If he'd ended it just before it would have seemed to me that not only was he saying that he didn't want to be with me anymore but that he really didn't care about me at all.

 

I'm sorry your relationship is dwindling. It's very thoughtful of you to consider the timing of initiating the break-up. I hope things go as well as can be expected. Good luck.

[Owl]

I suggest you end it now. It's never easy to break up with someone when you're trying to go easy on their feelings, as you seem to be (good for you, by the way). Either option is going to be pretty unappealing to a person like you, but putting it off is equivalent to leading him/her on (you were very unspecific about the sexes in your post). If you know the relationship is over in all but name, then it's time to take that final step and end it for real. Your desire to guarantee your partner is spared from pain is admirable, but unfortunately impossible.

 

What would happen if he/she expected you to do something special for his/her birthday? Would you:

 

a) make a big production out of said birthday... then break up with him/her a few days later? This would really be pulling the rug out from under your boyfriend/girlfriend. It's just not fair to lavish attention on someone without really meaning it. In the end, it's far less painful to end things cleanly than to carry on a charade... even just for a week or two.

 

-or-

 

b) do as little as possible for his/her birthday, which will lead to your significant other wondering why you're so distant all of a sudden. This will cause them to ask you what's going on, which could easily lead to a confession and a break-up right then and there... possibly on the very birthday in question!

 

Both a) and b) stink, so far as I'm concerned. It really will be less painful to you both if you're upfront, honest and end it cleanly. You can't be faulted for that, as it's impossible to end a relationship without some risk of heartbreak.

 

If your significant other takes birthdays very seriously, and if you honestly feel you can walk the line between doing too much and too little for their birthday, then I suppose putting off the break-up remains an option. However, walking that line is FAR easier said than done because it's not entirely under your control. What if he/she confesses his/her love for you, and expects a response? What if he/she specifically ASKS you to do something special for their birthday, taking your choice away? At least if you break up before the birthday, that uncertainty is taken away.

 

To summarize, I'm suggesting you take the certainty of causing some pain over the possibility of causing tremendous pain. In my opinion, that's the best compromise you can hope for.

 

Good luck.

I know mky relationship is running out of steam and it is time to move on. My other's b-day is coming up soon. I want things to be the least hurtful for both of us, because i do care about feelings. So, should I end it now, a week before? or take them out for the celebration and end it later? It sux either way, i know.

[Tony T]

Do it immediately. Staying with someone just to celebrate a birthday is hipocritical. Why bother?

 

Just be kind about the break up and communicate your reasons. You are not responsible for the feelings of another person, as long as you don't go out of your way to hurt somebody.

 

There is no good time for a break up. But it looks more goofy to help someone celebrate a special day and then cut it off rather than do so before hand.

 

Do it now and be gone. You might make your other's birthday a lot brighter if you do...you never know.

[WGirl]

End it now. I think it will be less painful than celebrating your other's birthday and then dumping him/her. It will be harder. The other person won't even know what hit him/her because everything seemed so perfect when you went out for their b-day. The time to end the relationship is now.

I know mky relationship is running out of steam and it is time to move on. My other's b-day is coming up soon. I want things to be the least hurtful for both of us, because i do care about feelings. So, should I end it now, a week before? or take them out for the celebration and end it later? It sux either way, i know.