Can't Get Over the Hatred

[Will am I]

50 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Men’s spouses are often the only people in the world that they can be vulnerable or emotional with

I think it’s vital to men’s mental health and a powerful improvement to our marriages that we break that pattern. It’s not good to lean exclusively on your spouse, she probably doesn’t want to be your mom.

Invest in real friendships with guys. Not the kind of friendships based on drinking and talking trash about women, but the authentic kind where you can be vulnerable.

I did that and it has definitely improved my marriage.

[tzorno]

14 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

I’m a guy and I was sorry to learn about your situation, but this is just your grief and bitterness talking.

As somebody who has divorced before and has been friends with quite a few divorced people, I can testify that women initiate divorce 80% of the time because 80% of the time their husbands behaved like complete a**h***s.

Yours case is in the minority. That doesn’t make it any easier for you, of course. But I don’t think you should be exacerbating your negative emotions by extrapolating your understandable anger at one particular woman onto the general female population of the planet.

My experience has been different.  I have found that a lot of relationships have ended due to the woman cheating, leaving, or just losing their mind when menopause hits.  Probably because i'm a man and most of experiences of this type of thing comes from a mans perspective.  Ironically, two of my best friends are females.  They are both divorced.  They both cheated on their husbands and they both regret it horribly to this day.  

What i'm getting at is that I don't believe that the 80% ratio consists mainly of men being a**h***s.  I feel the number is so high because women get their payday and it's so easy to walk away from a relationship than to work on it.  I remember my ex arguing with me about her cheating.  She said everybody does it and she wasn't far off with that statement.  I told her not everybody because I would have never done it.  It does seem like its a social norm anymore though.

[tzorno]

9 hours ago, basil67 said:

Indeed. 

My ex husband knew that I was unhappy but he refused counselling or to consider changes.  So I eventually left.   Had he looked at what I wanted and decided it was not for him, he could have chosen to leave me, but he didn't.  He basically handed over the decision to me via his own inaction

I'm sorry you went through that.  I tried the counseling thing.  I found a counselor and made appointments for my ex and I.  When it was time to go, she said she didn't want me to go and she would go by herself.  That lasted two times and that was it.  It was clear that she had already checked out at that point.  Later she told everybody that she made the appointments with the counselor and that I refused to go.  Lol.  She was a real piece of work.

[happyhorizons]

3 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

I also think men “need” women more than vice versa in general. Men’s spouses are often the only people in the world that they can be vulnerable or emotional with. Whereas women tend to have a lot of friends as well as their partners that serve similar purposes. My sister just got divorced and her ex already has a new girlfriend whereas she doesn’t even really have the urge to start dating. When my dad died, my mom had no intention of dating or marrying again and never had. It’s not needed. 

This ^ really is a great post and spot on.  It also really communicates the difference between ME and WOMEN as their NEEDS are concerned (in general of course).

[basil67]

9 hours ago, tzorno said:

My experience has been different.  I have found that a lot of relationships have ended due to the woman cheating, leaving, or just losing their mind when menopause hits.  Probably because i'm a man and most of experiences of this type of thing comes from a mans perspective.  Ironically, two of my best friends are females.  They are both divorced.  They both cheated on their husbands and they both regret it horribly to this day.  

Do you realise how disrespectful the bolded sounds?   Menopause is part of life and yes, it can make a woman feel like she's not herself, and yes this can make for a tough life herself and those around her.  If she wants to try HRT as a solution (and many are understandably wary of HRT) if there are contraindications it may not be appropriate to prescribe.  But to describe someone who's genuinely struggling with their mental health as "just losing their minds" is completely lacking in understanding.

For the record, in my country HRT has just been taken off the list of meds which receive government subsidies to make them affordable.  So if a woman/family is in a tough financial position, she simply won't have access to the meds.  

Quote

What i'm getting at is that I don't believe that the 80% ratio consists mainly of men being a**h***s.  I feel the number is so high because women get their payday and it's so easy to walk away from a relationship than to work on it.  I remember my ex arguing with me about her cheating.  She said everybody does it and she wasn't far off with that statement.  I told her not everybody because I would have never done it.  It does seem like its a social norm anymore though.

Why are you writing this in response to me?  I'm the one who's been suggesting that in order to stop your anger, you should cease with the Red Pill.  I will add that you'd also be wise to stop with the broad character assassinations of women.  I don't care if it's extreme mansophere or extreme feminist stuff....those who indulge in it bring so much hate with them that they become intolerable, and you're right up to your neck in it. 

I'm trying to be sympathetic to your plight, but you're not sounding exactly like a prince yourself right now.  Do you really want to be the man who spouts misogyny at anyone who listens?  Do you want to be the male equivalent of a radical feminist?  If not, then take control of yourself, your thoughts and your words.  

You can do better than this

Edited April 14 by basil67

[Gebidozo]

On 4/13/2024 at 9:30 PM, Weezy1973 said:

I also think men “need” women more than vice versa in general. Men’s spouses are often the only people in the world that they can be vulnerable or emotional with. Whereas women tend to have a lot of friends as well as their partners that serve similar purposes. My sister just got divorced and her ex already has a new girlfriend whereas she doesn’t even really have the urge to start dating. When my dad died, my mom had no intention of dating or marrying again and never had. It’s not needed. 

I agree.

I also think that men tend to look and feel lost, disoriented, and often quite pitiful after breakups, more so than women.

When I was younger, I thought it was because men were more “sensitive”, and women were “colder”.

The older I get, the more I suspect that it’s because women are stronger and less emotionally needy than men.

My actual life experiences are completely at odds with the predominant patriarchal notion that men rely on their will and intellect and are more self-sufficient, while women are governed by their emotions and need to be in a relationship to feel complete. What a load of crap that turned out to be.

[Gebidozo]

 

23 hours ago, tzorno said:

My experience has been different.  I have found that a lot of relationships have ended due to the woman cheating, leaving, or just losing their mind when menopause hits.  Probably because i'm a man and most of experiences of this type of thing comes from a mans perspective

I’m a man too. But when I honestly look back at my own failed relationships, or most of the failed relationships of my male friends, I find more cases of men doing something bad and thus causing the women to leave than the other way around.

A friend of mine went through a painful divorce a couple of years ago. I barely knew his wife, so I only got his perspective on what happened. He kept telling me that his wife just suddenly “lost her mind” and decided to divorce, out of the blue, after 20+ years of marriage.

I asked him several times whether he did something that might have led to that. He said, “Nothing, man, I swear”. So I asked again, “Maybe there was infidelity on your side?” He said, “Oh, right, well, there was that one time, but man, that was, like, years ago! What, she couldn’t get over that?”

You see, he didn’t even understand that his wife had been trying to forgive him and heal all those years, and finally gave up - possibly because he didn’t do enough to make amends.

I think women are more likely to admit their fault than men. Hence the impression that women are more at fault. I’ve seen too many men failing to admit their own guilt. Women tend to accuse themselves more often.

Edited April 14 by Gebidozo

[Weezy1973]

19 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

My actual life experiences are completely at odds with the predominant patriarchal notion that men rely on their will and intellect and are more self-sufficient, while women are governed by their emotions and need to be in a relationship to feel complete.

I do think women need relationships to feel complete, but those relationships can be friendships or family. Doesn’t have to be with a man. Women need men to have babies. And babies generally turn into healthier adults with intact families.
 

And men can try to rely on their will and intellect, problem being they generally don’t have much willpower (drug addiction, gambling, global obesity etc. tends to be more common with men), and are certainly not all that when it comes to intellectualism. MAGA, red pill, incels, “World Economic Forum” conspiracies and the like are all favourite stupidities of men…

[tzorno]

On 4/13/2024 at 8:13 PM, basil67 said:

Do you realise how disrespectful the bolded sounds?   Menopause is part of life and yes, it can make a woman feel like she's not herself, and yes this can make for a tough life herself and those around her.  If she wants to try HRT as a solution (and many are understandably wary of HRT) if there are contraindications it may not be appropriate to prescribe.  But to describe someone who's genuinely struggling with their mental health as "just losing their minds" is completely lacking in understanding.

For the record, in my country HRT has just been taken off the list of meds which receive government subsidies to make them affordable.  So if a woman/family is in a tough financial position, she simply won't have access to the meds.  

Why are you writing this in response to me?  I'm the one who's been suggesting that in order to stop your anger, you should cease with the Red Pill.  I will add that you'd also be wise to stop with the broad character assassinations of women.  I don't care if it's extreme mansophere or extreme feminist stuff....those who indulge in it bring so much hate with them that they become intolerable, and you're right up to your neck in it. 

I'm trying to be sympathetic to your plight, but you're not sounding exactly like a prince yourself right now.  Do you really want to be the man who spouts misogyny at anyone who listens?  Do you want to be the male equivalent of a radical feminist?  If not, then take control of yourself, your thoughts and your words.  

You can do better than this

I'm sorry I offended you.  I honestly didn't intend to.  I shouldn't have worded it that way.  I've just seen and experienced the results of menopause first hand and I know the chemical reactions women go through cause erratic behaviors.  My mother, ex, friends, and even girlfriend struggle or struggled with it and became different people.  Again, i'm sorry for my reckless statement.  

Your also right about my behavior in this thread.  I do need to be better.  I'm sorry.  As you can see, I got triggered again and went off into a tangent.

 

 

[tzorno]

21 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

 

I’m a man too. But when I honestly look back at my own failed relationships, or most of the failed relationships of my male friends, I find more cases of men doing something bad and thus causing the women to leave than the other way around.

A friend of mine went through a painful divorce a couple of years ago. I barely knew his wife, so I only got his perspective on what happened. He kept telling me that his wife just suddenly “lost her mind” and decided to divorce, out of the blue, after 20+ years of marriage.

I asked him several times whether he did something that might have led to that. He said, “Nothing, man, I swear”. So I asked again, “Maybe there was infidelity on your side?” He said, “Oh, right, well, there was that one time, but man, that was, like, years ago! What, she couldn’t get over that?”

You see, he didn’t even understand that his wife had been trying to forgive him and heal all those years, and finally gave up - possibly because he didn’t do enough to make amends.

I think women are more likely to admit their fault than men. Hence the impression that women are more at fault. I’ve seen too many men failing to admit their own guilt. Women tend to accuse themselves more often.

I think it's all personal experience.  Men and women can choose to be either good people or bad people.  There is no difference.  Again, being a man, I have more friends and experiences where the woman has wronged.  Even the couple of really good female friends I have admitted they cheated on their husbands, but only did so after they wanted out.  It was as if they felt the need to do it so there was no going back.  

My ex admits to cheating to family (her family loves me and understands what she did). but doesn't feel she did anything wrong.  Like it's totally normal and acceptable.  

[tzorno]

21 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

I do think women need relationships to feel complete, but those relationships can be friendships or family. Doesn’t have to be with a man. Women need men to have babies. And babies generally turn into healthier adults with intact families.
 

And men can try to rely on their will and intellect, problem being they generally don’t have much willpower (drug addiction, gambling, global obesity etc. tends to be more common with men), and are certainly not all that when it comes to intellectualism. MAGA, red pill, incels, “World Economic Forum” conspiracies and the like are all favourite stupidities of men…

I think everybody is different when it comes to relationships.  I have plenty of male friends that are totally content with being alone.  I'm not one of them.  I don't do lonely very well.  I also have female friends that are content.  Well, let me rephrase that.  They really don't want to be alone, but they haven't found anybody yet and they are fine with  that.  

Something I have found is that the matter of marriage seems to always lean towards the female side.  They want that ring and contract for some reason.  Men don't seem to care as long as the relationship is there.  That's how I see things anyways.  

 

[basil67]

9 hours ago, tzorno said:

They want that ring and contract for some reason.  Men don't seem to care as long as the relationship is there.  That's how I see things anyways.  

I'm sure romance plays a big part in this, but from a legal standpoint, if a woman (or man) is going to spend time raising children and not earning an income, they need to have financial protection.

As it so happens, my partner and I have been defacto since 1993  (I don't care about marriage as long as I the relationship is there) but both men and women have said that defacto shows lack of commitment...and one special person stated that our kids won't know that we are mum and dad 🙄 .  Given we've outlasted many marriages around us, I don't see it this way, but clearly others do.  That said, our defacto laws recognise our partnership - including tax benefits, parenting, property and medical decisions if the partner is unable to do it for themselves. 

But to unpack further, our son is 27 and needs support because he has a disability.  Because my husband was the higher income earner at the time, it made sense that I would be the full time carer for him.  If we were defacto in a state which didn't recognise our relationship, the fact that I haven't been able to work for nearly 30 years could well see a breakdown in the relationship resulting with me receiving only the money I brought in.  It may well have zero recognition that my life and earning potential was put on hold for circumstances beyond our control.  And what of my future?  How would I get back into the workforce when I'd now only be employable working in retail?  And how would I be able to that when I have a son to care for? 

Outside of love and romance and wanting to build a life together, the legalities of marriage (or recognition defacto status) of are essential when two people co-mingle their lives  

[Gebidozo]

13 hours ago, tzorno said:

I think it's all personal experience.  Men and women can choose to be either good people or bad people.  There is no difference.  Again, being a man, I have more friends and experiences where the woman has wronged.  Even the couple of really good female friends I have admitted they cheated on their husbands, but only did so after they wanted out.  It was as if they felt the need to do it so there was no going back.  

My ex admits to cheating to family (her family loves me and understands what she did). but doesn't feel she did anything wrong.  Like it's totally normal and acceptable.  

You’re right, of course. Both women and men can choose to do bad or good things. I’m just curious why you know more cases where the woman was wrong, while I keep encountering the opposite. Does this depend on culture, social circle, state laws?

For the record, the cases I know involve people from very different countries, cultures, and ethnicities. I keep seeing the same pattern - women are being treated poorly in marriage, they suffer, then either remain resigned and miserable, or at some point can’t bear it any longer, “explode” and leave.

[tzorno]

13 hours ago, basil67 said:

I'm sure romance plays a big part in this, but from a legal standpoint, if a woman (or man) is going to spend time raising children and not earning an income, they need to have financial protection.

As it so happens, my partner and I have been defacto since 1993  (I don't care about marriage as long as I the relationship is there) but both men and women have said that defacto shows lack of commitment...and one special person stated that our kids won't know that we are mum and dad 🙄 .  Given we've outlasted many marriages around us, I don't see it this way, but clearly others do.  That said, our defacto laws recognise our partnership - including tax benefits, parenting, property and medical decisions if the partner is unable to do it for themselves. 

But to unpack further, our son is 27 and needs support because he has a disability.  Because my husband was the higher income earner at the time, it made sense that I would be the full time carer for him.  If we were defacto in a state which didn't recognise our relationship, the fact that I haven't been able to work for nearly 30 years could well see a breakdown in the relationship resulting with me receiving only the money I brought in.  It may well have zero recognition that my life and earning potential was put on hold for circumstances beyond our control.  And what of my future?  How would I get back into the workforce when I'd now only be employable working in retail?  And how would I be able to that when I have a son to care for? 

Outside of love and romance and wanting to build a life together, the legalities of marriage (or recognition defacto status) of are essential when two people co-mingle their lives  

Your point is valid, but its also rare at this point in time.  Very few couples rely on single person income anymore.  Both partners have to work almost all of the time.  In my case, my ex was a nurse and brought in a good income, but for only a limited time because she lost her license due to criminal activity.  So if I brought home the majority of the income 85% of the time of our marriage, why should she get half of everything when we divorced?  It wasn't as if she was solely taking care of the kids, tending to the house, laundry and cooking all the time.  We shared those duties with me doing most of it anyways.  This is why I feel the laws need going over.  It's not a fair division.  It isn't the 50's anymore where the housewife stayed home and did everything around the house and had the paper ready for the husband when he got home.  So why are the laws written up like it is?

[tzorno]

10 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

You’re right, of course. Both women and men can choose to do bad or good things. I’m just curious why you know more cases where the woman was wrong, while I keep encountering the opposite. Does this depend on culture, social circle, state laws?

For the record, the cases I know involve people from very different countries, cultures, and ethnicities. I keep seeing the same pattern - women are being treated poorly in marriage, they suffer, then either remain resigned and miserable, or at some point can’t bear it any longer, “explode” and leave.

Personal experience?  I have three good friends just off the top of my head who are males.  In their cases, their exes all cheated on them.  My brother is divorced.  His ex-wife cheated on him.  I have two really good friends that are females.  They both cheated on their husbands.  Now, I realize that's a small sample size in the larger scheme of things, but i'm seeing a common pattern.  Women have less to lose and more to gain.

80%!!!!!!!  It's hard to ignore that number.  It's also hard to accept that women are just so much different and intolerant than men that that's the reason for it.  That 80% is because the majority of the time, they make out like bandits.  

[Gebidozo]

On 4/15/2024 at 8:50 PM, tzorno said:

Something I have found is that the matter of marriage seems to always lean towards the female side.  They want that ring and contract for some reason.  Men don't seem to care as long as the relationship is there.  That's how I see things anyways.  

 

Interesting. Again, my experience is the total opposite. I’ve always liked the idea of marriage and always went for rings and contracts and vows and solemn, theatrical stuff. None of the women I’ve been with, and very few among those I know, care about the idea that much. They’d mostly agree to marriage because of legal issues, convenience, etc.

[Gebidozo]

17 hours ago, basil67 said:

As it so happens, my partner and I have been defacto since 1993  (I don't care about marriage as long as I the relationship is there) but both men and women have said that defacto shows lack of commitment...and one special person stated that our kids won't know that we are mum and dad 🙄 .  Given we've outlasted many marriages around us, I don't see it this way, but clearly others do. 

Those “others” are behind times. There is nothing intrinsically commitment-bound in marriage nowadays. Not anymore. When marriage was forever, divorce nigh impossible, and sex or childbirth outside of marriage considered disgrace, then yes, marriage meant commitment. Today, with the rapidly disappearing stigmas and the ever-increasing ease of divorce, it’s just a pretty ceremony, a formality, a convenience, an outside confidence boost, or a legal consideration, nothing else.

 

[Weezy1973]

4 hours ago, tzorno said:

 That 80% is because the majority of the time, they make out like bandits.  

They don’t. It’s just you have the wrong perspective. All debts and assets are joint in a marriage. When a divorce happens those get split 50 / 50. That’s it. If one partner in marriage makes all the income and the other doesn’t make any income, there will usually be spousal support or alimony. If one partner gets custody of the children, there will usually some sort of child support payments until the children are adults. Just because historically men have been more likely to be the primary earners in marriage and women have been the primary caregivers for their children doesn’t mean the system favours women. When the roles are reversed those payments go to men. 
 

If both spouses have careers and earn an income, there are usually no spousal support payments to make. 
 

And that’s really all there is to it. It’s not favouring one gender or the other. The only way someone could think that is if they believe in marriage the money you make is “your money” and not the family money, which again is the wrong perspective. 

[tzorno]

44 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Interesting. Again, my experience is the total opposite. I’ve always liked the idea of marriage and always went for rings and contracts and vows and solemn, theatrical stuff. None of the women I’ve been with, and very few among those I know, care about the idea that much. They’d mostly agree to marriage because of legal issues, convenience, etc.

We definitely are on opposite sides of the spectrum.  Lol.  That's ok though.  I'm sure everybody has different experiences.

[tzorno]

40 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Those “others” are behind times. There is nothing intrinsically commitment-bound in marriage nowadays. Not anymore. When marriage was forever, divorce nigh impossible, and sex or childbirth outside of marriage considered disgrace, then yes, marriage meant commitment. Today, with the rapidly disappearing stigmas and the ever-increasing ease of divorce, it’s just a pretty ceremony, a formality, a convenience, an outside confidence boost, or a legal consideration, nothing else.

 

This 100%.  The institution that is marriage doesn't hold much clout anymore as evident by the statistics.  Vows and promises mean nothing to people anymore.

[tzorno]

23 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

They don’t. It’s just you have the wrong perspective. All debts and assets are joint in a marriage. When a divorce happens those get split 50 / 50. That’s it. If one partner in marriage makes all the income and the other doesn’t make any income, there will usually be spousal support or alimony. If one partner gets custody of the children, there will usually some sort of child support payments until the children are adults. Just because historically men have been more likely to be the primary earners in marriage and women have been the primary caregivers for their children doesn’t mean the system favours women. When the roles are reversed those payments go to men. 
 

If both spouses have careers and earn an income, there are usually no spousal support payments to make. 
 

And that’s really all there is to it. It’s not favouring one gender or the other. The only way someone could think that is if they believe in marriage the money you make is “your money” and not the family money, which again is the wrong perspective. 

I'm aware of the laws and why they are in place, it's just that I don't agree with them.  It gives a free pass to anybody to be a horrible person.  Divorces (well most of them) go through a court for finality.  I think it should be settled like a true court case where there are consequences for actions.  If a partner (no matter the gender) cheats or whatever else, I believe the court should take that into consideration and weigh the outcome on that.  A cheater for instance is taking an action that is proof they are willing to toss their current living situation away and yet they still do it.  They take into consideration who it will hurt, but decide they don't matter and do it anyways.  They rob their partner of the ability to trust and love.  Some never recover.  I might not.  

So yes, I believe there should be some consequences or measurement when it comes to the asset division.  The piece of garbage that committed the action didn't care about any of it when committing the action so why should they be rewarded so handsomely for it?  A 50/50 split no matter what is crazy to me.  That and the fact that most every mother retains custody of younger children while the father pays child support and alimony while only getting weekend visits,,,,probably his only days off of work to begin with.  

Divorce laws are a scam and need rewritten.  Especially in this day and age with divorce being so prominent.  

[mark clemson]

There's 50 sets of laws in the US alone, but many nowadays seem to "favor" the lower earner at the time of divorce. If that lower earner can go find a better job/career OR a wealthy partner, and the other can't - it can certainly seem unfair to keep paying.  In SOME jurisdictions I believe you can have the spousal support re-assessed, but that of course ALSO costs money for the laywers and has no guarantee of success.

At any rate, from the amount of discussion you're doing it seems like part of what's driving your hatred/distress is being forced to continually pay your Ex. It's understandable as she is now in a good economic situation, but it seems there is little you can do about this unfortunately. I have not read every post, but perhaps consider looking for ways to constructively earn more. IF you were to strike it rich somehow, your current payments would presumably mean less to you.

Sometimes "a**h***s" DO get their due, and and sometimes they don't. Sometimes innocent people pay for others' crimes. The legal system is FAR from perfect, that much is certainly true.

[Joray]

On 4/13/2024 at 10:04 AM, tzorno said:

I'm sorry you went through that.  I tried the counseling thing.  I found a counselor and made appointments for my ex and I.  When it was time to go, she said she didn't want me to go and she would go by herself.  That lasted two times and that was it.  It was clear that she had already checked out at that point.  Later she told everybody that she made the appointments with the counselor and that I refused to go.  Lol.  She was a real piece of work.

Your wife was nasty. Don’t waste time on a low life loser, find a new fresh woman to be with

[tzorno]

1 hour ago, mark clemson said:

There's 50 sets of laws in the US alone, but many nowadays seem to "favor" the lower earner at the time of divorce. If that lower earner can go find a better job/career OR a wealthy partner, and the other can't - it can certainly seem unfair to keep paying.  In SOME jurisdictions I believe you can have the spousal support re-assessed, but that of course ALSO costs money for the laywers and has no guarantee of success.

At any rate, from the amount of discussion you're doing it seems like part of what's driving your hatred/distress is being forced to continually pay your Ex. It's understandable as she is now in a good economic situation, but it seems there is little you can do about this unfortunately. I have not read every post, but perhaps consider looking for ways to constructively earn more. IF you were to strike it rich somehow, your current payments would presumably mean less to you.

Sometimes "a**h***s" DO get their due, and and sometimes they don't. Sometimes innocent people pay for others' crimes. The legal system is FAR from perfect, that much is certainly true.

Going out and constructively earn more sounds great.  Any ideas?  I've thought about it a ton and can't think of anything worthwhile.  I'm 54 so an internet craze is probably not going to happen.  Lol.

Yes, the financial strain while she flourishes is a big part of my anger.  I know I should be happy knowing that I still have the love and respect of my children and granddaughter and i'm not homeless and starving, but it's hard.  Especially when I hear about the vacations she takes and the new car she's considering buying.  Tough pill to swallow.  While I was going through my divorce, I told my lawyer that I need some kind of win no matter how small it would be.  He told me that I already won just by getting rid of her.  I hope there's more than just that.

I find that crappy people usually never get their dues or karma they deserve.  They just keep being crappy while society and decent people are forced to tolerate it.  That also makes me angry.  I told my friend (a therapist ironically enough) that I was going to try the crappy person route since they almost always seem to come out on top.  He said I couldn't because that wasn't who I am.  That's not the nature of my character he said.  That made me mad too.  Lol. 

[tzorno]

33 minutes ago, Joray said:

Your wife was nasty. Don’t waste time on a low life loser, find a new fresh woman to be with

Your right and I have.  I found a true sweetheart of a girl that is the exact opposite of my ex.  I'm lucky to have found her.  The problem is that i'm damaged.  I was talking to my therapist friend (his wife passed from cancer about 5 years ago and he is with another woman now) and told him I really like, might even love my current girlfriend, but if she left me tomorrow I wouldn't care.  He said if his girlfriend left him he wouldn't care either.  I guess after a traumatic breakup like a divorce or death, you build walls and defensive mechanisms so you won't get hurt again.  That sucks.  I want to be able to give unconditional love and trust to a partner again, but I might not be capable of doing that.  So it's just not money that my lying, drunken, cheating, felon of an ex took from me.