Can't Get Over the Hatred

[Will am I]

I read the word “girlfriend”.

If you have a new girlfriend, she deserves for you to not be stuck in anger towards your ex wife. Consider it an extra motivation.

[tzorno]

16 hours ago, Will am I said:

I read the word “girlfriend”.

If you have a new girlfriend, she deserves for you to not be stuck in anger towards your ex wife. Consider it an extra motivation.

Yes, for sure.  We are very open with each other and we talked about our pasts.  We both understand each other and don't bring them up and if something is truly bothering one of us, we talk about it.  I've been with her for 7 months now and she's wonderful.  Not sure how I lucked into her to be honest.

[Oldenuff2know]

On 4/27/2024 at 7:14 AM, Weezy1973 said:

@tzorno and @Oldenuff2know since my sister divorced recently I’ve found myself asking folks who are divorced - and don’t have much good stuff to say about their exes this: What were the qualities in your ex that made you choose to build a life and have a family with them? What were the qualities that made you think, yes this person is going to be a good partner and parent of our children? Or did that even go into your thought process when choosing to marry? 
 

My situation was unique. We were both in the service when we met, on a distant tropical island in the pacific arena. He was from the east coast and wanted to be stationed back east when we returned to the U.S. However, back then, if you were coming back stateside from overseas, you had to go to the closest coast, unless you had a security clearance. The only way he was getting back to the east coast was with me and my high level security clearance. Plus, they told us they would not station us together unless we were married, so we had to quickly get married before they would transfer us together. He cheated on me right after we were married. I wanted to call it quits right then, but the service (his supervisors) talked me into staying married because he had an ex-wife and a child on the east coast and if I left him, he would not be stationed near his child. Back then, in the military, we had to ask permission to get married and if there were marital problems, they had no problem intervening. So I stayed and we moved to the east coast.

Like I said, when I married, it was for better or worse, so I tried to make it work. I've been to more marriage counseling than anyone I know. He was a great father when they were younger, very involved with them - coached their teams, danced with them in the Nutcracker, etc. They were the center of his world. We were also best friends. I didn't always like some of his character flaws, but he generally was a good person and fun to be around. We had a lot in common. So, I felt I DID pick a good partner and I looked past those flaws because I wasn't perfect, either. I'm angry at him now because he picked his girlfriend (now wife) over his daughters, but I never badmouth him to our girls. In fact, I spent two years encouraging them to stay in contact with him, give him some grace because it's not him, it's her, etc., etc.

There is another reason why perhaps our marriage failed. His new wife fawns all over him, hangs on him, rubs his feet, waits on him hand and foot, pampers him constantly, has little pet names for him, etc.. He seems to need that and I just wasn't that type of person. I was raising my daughters, working full time and running a household. I expected a grown man to be able to take care of himself. 

Even today, sometimes I am sad that our marriage ended. Had I known then what I know now about marriage and relationships, maybe we could have worked together a little better at saving the marriage. On the other hand, it takes two, and when only one is putting in the work, it's doomed from the start. I hope that sufficiently answered your question @Weezy1973

[tzorno]

7 hours ago, Oldenuff2know said:

My situation was unique. We were both in the service when we met, on a distant tropical island in the pacific arena. He was from the east coast and wanted to be stationed back east when we returned to the U.S. However, back then, if you were coming back stateside from overseas, you had to go to the closest coast, unless you had a security clearance. The only way he was getting back to the east coast was with me and my high level security clearance. Plus, they told us they would not station us together unless we were married, so we had to quickly get married before they would transfer us together. He cheated on me right after we were married. I wanted to call it quits right then, but the service (his supervisors) talked me into staying married because he had an ex-wife and a child on the east coast and if I left him, he would not be stationed near his child. Back then, in the military, we had to ask permission to get married and if there were marital problems, they had no problem intervening. So I stayed and we moved to the east coast.

Like I said, when I married, it was for better or worse, so I tried to make it work. I've been to more marriage counseling than anyone I know. He was a great father when they were younger, very involved with them - coached their teams, danced with them in the Nutcracker, etc. They were the center of his world. We were also best friends. I didn't always like some of his character flaws, but he generally was a good person and fun to be around. We had a lot in common. So, I felt I DID pick a good partner and I looked past those flaws because I wasn't perfect, either. I'm angry at him now because he picked his girlfriend (now wife) over his daughters, but I never badmouth him to our girls. In fact, I spent two years encouraging them to stay in contact with him, give him some grace because it's not him, it's her, etc., etc.

There is another reason why perhaps our marriage failed. His new wife fawns all over him, hangs on him, rubs his feet, waits on him hand and foot, pampers him constantly, has little pet names for him, etc.. He seems to need that and I just wasn't that type of person. I was raising my daughters, working full time and running a household. I expected a grown man to be able to take care of himself. 

Even today, sometimes I am sad that our marriage ended. Had I known then what I know now about marriage and relationships, maybe we could have worked together a little better at saving the marriage. On the other hand, it takes two, and when only one is putting in the work, it's doomed from the start. I hope that sufficiently answered your question @Weezy1973

I commend you for trying as hard as you did.  Your vows meant something as did mine.  So many today just don't care.

[tzorno]

Well next Saturday is going to be a test.  My daughter has been taking religion classes at a church for about two years now and I guess they are having a graduation thing for the people that completed the class.  She wants me and my girlfriend to attend the ceremony.  I agreed and then she dropped the bombshell that the ex will be there too.  I immediately said I wasn't going and got berated by her.  I don't want to see my ex in any capacity and haven't for three years now.  I suppose I need to suck it up and be the bigger person (I hate that term and it always seems to be me adhering to it), but I can't help feeling that my daughter should know that she is putting me into an akward and uncomfortable situation.  Not only me, but my girlfriend too.  It's not like i'm going to enjoy the ceremony as i'll be sitting there triggered and thinking bad thoughts and if the ex even thinks about trying to approach me to talk, that is not going to end well.

Should I just not go or how would any of you approach this?  I'll take any advice.

 

 

[basil67]

On 7/22/2024 at 11:38 PM, tzorno said:

Well next Saturday is going to be a test.  My daughter has been taking religion classes at a church for about two years now and I guess they are having a graduation thing for the people that completed the class.  She wants me and my girlfriend to attend the ceremony.  I agreed and then she dropped the bombshell that the ex will be there too.  I immediately said I wasn't going and got berated by her.  I don't want to see my ex in any capacity and haven't for three years now.  I suppose I need to suck it up and be the bigger person (I hate that term and it always seems to be me adhering to it), but I can't help feeling that my daughter should know that she is putting me into an akward and uncomfortable situation.  Not only me, but my girlfriend too.  It's not like i'm going to enjoy the ceremony as i'll be sitting there triggered and thinking bad thoughts and if the ex even thinks about trying to approach me to talk, that is not going to end well.

Should I just not go or how would any of you approach this?  I'll take any advice

As tough as it will be, my advice is to remember that the graduation is about your daughter, not about you.   Heck, one day your daughter will get married and want the both of you there too.   As none of this is your daughter's fault, you're going to have to find a way to cope with it.  

[tzorno]

6 hours ago, basil67 said:

As tough as it will be, my advice is to remember that the graduation is about your daughter, not about you.   Heck, one day your daughter will get married and want the both of you there too.   As none of this is your daughter's fault, you're going to have to find a way to cope with it.  

Yeah I know this is the answer.  I'll go and deal with it.

My daughter is already married and she went back and forth about inviting her mother for about a week at the time.  I guess the thing that bothers me more than anything is the free pass and lack of accountability the ex recieves from my daughter.  This is a mother that told her she didn't care about her and backed it up by washing her hands of any responsibilty towards her (promised to pay half of her school loan and bailed on that promise so i'm paying it all), yet my daughter acts like nothing ever happened.  I think she should at least call her on it sometimes, but it never happens.  The more I think about it, the more triggered I get.

[basil67]

10 hours ago, tzorno said:

Yeah I know this is the answer.  I'll go and deal with it.

My daughter is already married and she went back and forth about inviting her mother for about a week at the time.  I guess the thing that bothers me more than anything is the free pass and lack of accountability the ex recieves from my daughter.  This is a mother that told her she didn't care about her and backed it up by washing her hands of any responsibilty towards her (promised to pay half of her school loan and bailed on that promise so i'm paying it all), yet my daughter acts like nothing ever happened.  I think she should at least call her on it sometimes, but it never happens.  The more I think about it, the more triggered I get.

If I remember rightly, your daughter is Christian.  Sounds like she's taking her religions seriously by offering support and forgiveness

That said, if you're going to get triggered by cleaning up the messes from your ex, don't do it.  Perhaps if your daughter had consequences from her mother not doing as she promised, she'd be somewhat cooler towards her.

[tzorno]

17 hours ago, basil67 said:

If I remember rightly, your daughter is Christian.  Sounds like she's taking her religions seriously by offering support and forgiveness

That said, if you're going to get triggered by cleaning up the messes from your ex, don't do it.  Perhaps if your daughter had consequences from her mother not doing as she promised, she'd be somewhat cooler towards her.

I understand what your saying, but its not as simple as that.  Her mother and I promised my daughter that we would pay for her school loan if she went.  When the ex left it was even spoken from her that we would alternate months paying it off.  That sounded good until the actual divorce hearing when her lawyer stated that the ex waves any financial responsibilty towards either child, so i'm stuck paying the loan.  I made my daughter a promise and i'm not going to break it.  I just hope my daughter takes those things into consideration sometimes, but I don't think she does.

My friend always says that kids are very forgiving of their parents even when bad things occur.  Of course it will never happen, but I sometimes think why I should just quit paying stuff too.  Would they forgive me?  For some reason I would be held in much more contempt than the ex is and that bothers me.  She just seems to win in every scenario without repercussions and its maddening.  That is why I keep the anger that I do.  She gets away with everything.

[basil67]

6 hours ago, tzorno said:

I understand what your saying, but its not as simple as that.  Her mother and I promised my daughter that we would pay for her school loan if she went.  When the ex left it was even spoken from her that we would alternate months paying it off.  That sounded good until the actual divorce hearing when her lawyer stated that the ex waves any financial responsibilty towards either child, so i'm stuck paying the loan.  I made my daughter a promise and i'm not going to break it.  I just hope my daughter takes those things into consideration sometimes, but I don't think she does.

My friend always says that kids are very forgiving of their parents even when bad things occur.  Of course it will never happen, but I sometimes think why I should just quit paying stuff too.  Would they forgive me?  For some reason I would be held in much more contempt than the ex is and that bothers me.  She just seems to win in every scenario without repercussions and its maddening.  That is why I keep the anger that I do.  She gets away with everything.

Thanks for the description of the court decision.  I understand your frustration.

However the reason that you're keeping the anger is because you choose to keep stirring it. 

You've got the answer to your question about the graduation: you've got to suck it up and go.  But you've also allowed yourself to drop back into stirring up the hate and making yourself angry all over again.   I'm going to continue as I was in your previous postings and refuse to support you doing this to yourself.

[Gebidozo]

8 hours ago, tzorno said:

She just seems to win in every scenario without repercussions and its maddening.  That is why I keep the anger that I do.  She gets away with everything.

It’s not our place to decide who gets away with what. If there is an omnipotent, loving, and merciful God, we should leave the judgment to him and believe and trust that he’ll arrange it so that in the end justice prevails and “every tear shall be wiped away”, as the Book of Revelations states. If we’re Christians, we shouldn’t be harboring vengeful feelings at all, we’re supposed to bless our enemies and pray for them even if they persecute us, as the Lord commands.

Also, how do you know what your wife gets away with? What is, exactly, “get away”? Just because she hasn’t been struck by lightning or contracted leprosy doesn’t mean that she is happy. For all you know, she’s being tortured with subconscious guilt, unable to find contentment and solace in anything she does.

You can’t obsessively dwell on your wife’s life. You should take care of your own. Anger, resentment, vengeful feelings, hatred prevent you from being happy. If you want to exact the best possible vengeance on your wife, let go of those thoughts and emotions and be happy. 

[tzorno]

11 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

It’s not our place to decide who gets away with what. If there is an omnipotent, loving, and merciful God, we should leave the judgment to him and believe and trust that he’ll arrange it so that in the end justice prevails and “every tear shall be wiped away”, as the Book of Revelations states. If we’re Christians, we shouldn’t be harboring vengeful feelings at all, we’re supposed to bless our enemies and pray for them even if they persecute us, as the Lord commands.

Also, how do you know what your wife gets away with? What is, exactly, “get away”? Just because she hasn’t been struck by lightning or contracted leprosy doesn’t mean that she is happy. For all you know, she’s being tortured with subconscious guilt, unable to find contentment and solace in anything she does.

You can’t obsessively dwell on your wife’s life. You should take care of your own. Anger, resentment, vengeful feelings, hatred prevent you from being happy. If you want to exact the best possible vengeance on your wife, let go of those thoughts and emotions and be happy. 

Everything you said I know is true.  It's just really, really hard for me to do for some reason.  It's the monthly reminder of everything when i'm paying for her car, motorcycle, and medical bills that really sets me off.  Two more years of that and hopefully it'll get better.  In the mean time, I still want to see her get the karma she deserves.  Petty I know.  

[BaileyB]

On 4/4/2024 at 1:16 PM, tzorno said:

I've been told by a million people to forgive her and let it go, but I can't.  I realize it's a lot of wasted energy, but I don't know how to get over it.

Holding resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. 

That one quote helped me to move past a difficult situation for which I held a lot of anger and resentment. 

At a certain point, you have just got to make the decision to stop drinking the poison. At a certain point, you have to make the decision to move on and live your own life - 

Edited July 30 by BaileyB

[tzorno]

23 hours ago, BaileyB said:

Holding resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. 

That one quote helped me to move past a difficult situation for which I held a lot of anger and resentment. 

At a certain point, you have just got to make the decision to stop drinking the poison. At a certain point, you have to make the decision to move on and live your own life - 

I know I have to let go of it and I believe I eventually will, but it's just like I need the satisfaction of seeing the karma she deserves.  I know thats petty and silly.  I really do.

Yesterday helped some.  My daughter said she called her mother the other day and got the following reply - A picture of her covered in a towel on her boyfriends boat passed out drunk.  Somebody eveidently knows how to get into her phone and texted - She's with us.  LMFAO.  She's having fun.  My daughter was disgusted.  It was so embarrassing.  I realized then the bullet I dodged.  Took 30 years, but I dodged it.  

[BaileyB]

I understand the desire for some kind of validation/vindication - but you’ve got that. In spades. Perhaps you need to consider why it’s not enough - 

Reading your last post, my heart hurts for your child. It must be unbelievably painful to see her mother in this way. That is a kind of trauma that she will carry with her for the rest of her life - and that is very sad…

 

[tzorno]

6 hours ago, BaileyB said:

I understand the desire for some kind of validation/vindication - but you’ve got that. In spades. Perhaps you need to consider why it’s not enough - 

Reading your last post, my heart hurts for your child. It must be unbelievably painful to see her mother in this way. That is a kind of trauma that she will carry with her for the rest of her life - and that is very sad…

 

Unfortunately my daughter has seen worse from her.  

I don't know why I need more.  I guess I want to see her hurt as much as she hurt me.  My daughter says her mother is not leading a happy life and is miserable.  That should be more than enough.

[BaileyB]

8 hours ago, tzorno said:

That should be more than enough.

It should be, but it’s clearly not. I have to wonder what you stand to gain by the fact that you don’t just want her to hurt, you want to see her broken and beaten, writhing in pain on the ground… 
 

8 hours ago, tzorno said:

I guess I want to see her hurt as much as she hurt me.

Sincerely, what would have to happen for you to say - that’s enough? You are now hurting as much as you hurt me, I now feel better. How would you know that you have reached that point - when you can finally feel vindicated, validated, such that you can let it all go and move on with your life? 
 

8 hours ago, tzorno said:

Unfortunately my daughter has seen worse from her.  

That just makes me hurt all the more for your daughter. 

You do realize that when you say that you want your daughter’s mother to hurt, you hurt your daughter.

Relationships are complicated - I have no doubt, your daughter has many complicated emotions toward her mother including disappointment, frustration, sadness, and anger… hopefully your daughter has put some boundaries in place to protect herself from this pain… but, this is still her mother. When the mother is in pain, the child is pain. Even if they are not in contact. 

If it was me, i would try to find a place of ambivalence, if you can’t find forgiveness or compassion - if not for myself or my ex-wife, but for my daughter…

Just my two cents, for what it’s worth. Spoken as the partner of a man who was hurt terribly by his first wife and somehow worked through his anger and resentment and built a happy life for himself, the step mother who has supported a child who still deals with his mother’s irrational behavior, and as a daughter. 

 

[tzorno]

8 hours ago, BaileyB said:

It should be, but it’s clearly not. I have to wonder what you stand to gain by the fact that you don’t just want her to hurt, you want to see her broken and beaten, writhing in pain on the ground… 
 

Sincerely, what would have to happen for you to say - that’s enough? You are now hurting as much as you hurt me, I now feel better. How would you know that you have reached that point - when you can finally feel vindicated, validated, such that you can let it all go and move on with your life? 
 

That just makes me hurt all the more for your daughter. 

You do realize that when you say that you want your daughter’s mother to hurt, you hurt your daughter.

Relationships are complicated - I have no doubt, your daughter has many complicated emotions toward her mother including disappointment, frustration, sadness, and anger… hopefully your daughter has put some boundaries in place to protect herself from this pain… but, this is still her mother. When the mother is in pain, the child is pain. Even if they are not in contact. 

If it was me, i would try to find a place of ambivalence, if you can’t find forgiveness or compassion - if not for myself or my ex-wife, but for my daughter…

Just my two cents, for what it’s worth. Spoken as the partner of a man who was hurt terribly by his first wife and somehow worked through his anger and resentment and built a happy life for himself, the step mother who has supported a child who still deals with his mother’s irrational behavior, and as a daughter. 

 

Your questions are very valid and so true that I don't even know if I can answer them.  What do I want and why?  She hurt me more than I even knew I could be hurt.  I'm still hurt which is pretty obvious, so my answer to your question is not going to paint me in a very good way.  The ex has already lost her son and granddaughter, has a fragile relationship with her daughter, is looked upon as a menace in the small town we live in, has no true friends, is a raging alcoholic, and is living a fairly miserable life with the most hated guy in the entire area.  That should be enough for anybody.  Why isn't it for me?  Is it total descrution that will do it?  I don't know and I can't figure out why I feel the way I do.

My daughter is 26 and married.  I just wanted to relay that so you don't think its a young child being affected here.  My ex always disappoints her and I asked my daughter why she always gives her a free pass.  She's very religious and just said that she is suppossed to forgive her and she is still my mother no matter how bad of a person she is.  I understand that, but I can't do it.  My son is even worse.  He just said the other day that if he ever see's his mother again, he hopes its her picture in the obituaries.  That was chilling to say the least.  

Yes we should all see a therapist.  

[Oldenuff2know]

@tzorno Ironically, I came out here to vent about my ex. (You might remember me as the person who has gotten past the hate and resentment. LOL)

My youngest daughter is getting married in October. All three girls have been estranged from their father for almost four years now. My girls cannot stand his new wife, mostly because of the way she was treating him (controlling, did not allow him to visit them without her present, etc.) The only time he would see them alone was when he was in a fight with her. Because of the way she treats him, has treated them, and bad mouths me in their presence, they want nothing to do with her. I work with my ex. I only see him a couple times a month, but we're actually on decent terms. I get a slight bit of satisfaction knowing it absolutely drives his wife bananas that he sees me at work and she can't do a thing about it. But I digress.

My daughter thought long and hard about it and decided to invite her father to her wedding. She understood that if she does not invite him, then he can spend the rest of his life blaming her, saying he was not invited. If she does invite him, then she did what she could and the ball is in his court. She asked me to hand-deliver the invitation to him because she knows if she mails it to his house, he'll never see it. (His wife has always intercepted all communication from them whether by snail mail, email, or text. She has their phones set up so that she sees all his text messages.) I told my daughter I was proud of her for taking the high road and inviting him. I hand delivered the invitation today. It was addressed to him only. The first thing he said was "I am not going without my wife." I told him I couldn't care less if his wife went, but my daughter does not want her there because she is a mean drunk and will absolutely make a scene. She always does. He mentioned that she wouldn't go if I was going to be there. Umm. Duh. I am going to be there just as I've been there for all three of them every single day since our divorce, and at this point, they only have ONE parent since he has nothing to do with them!

Long story short, I've been feeling the hate and resentment quite strongly today. I don't understand how a father turns his back on his daughters when he was such a wonderful father when they were growing up! I've spent the past almost four years trying to get the four of them to mend fences so he would be in their life. Nope. He has chosen his new wife over his daughters. I told him it's fine that he loves her. They don't have to love her and they are allowed to set boundaries. 

Our situations are different, but you just keep doing what you need to do to be there for your kids. Even if your daughter continually forgives your ex and makes allowances for her, when push comes to shove, she knows which parent she can rely on. It's important for us to navigate through the hatred and resentment so that we can be the best parent possible to our kids. Like BaileyB said, holding resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. I know my daughter is hurting because she's going to get married and her father probably isn't even going to be at her wedding, but he'll make his choice and he'll have to live with it. I'll never understand it, though.

[tzorno]

38 minutes ago, Oldenuff2know said:

@tzorno Ironically, I came out here to vent about my ex. (You might remember me as the person who has gotten past the hate and resentment. LOL)

My youngest daughter is getting married in October. All three girls have been estranged from their father for almost four years now. My girls cannot stand his new wife, mostly because of the way she was treating him (controlling, did not allow him to visit them without her present, etc.) The only time he would see them alone was when he was in a fight with her. Because of the way she treats him, has treated them, and bad mouths me in their presence, they want nothing to do with her. I work with my ex. I only see him a couple times a month, but we're actually on decent terms. I get a slight bit of satisfaction knowing it absolutely drives his wife bananas that he sees me at work and she can't do a thing about it. But I digress.

My daughter thought long and hard about it and decided to invite her father to her wedding. She understood that if she does not invite him, then he can spend the rest of his life blaming her, saying he was not invited. If she does invite him, then she did what she could and the ball is in his court. She asked me to hand-deliver the invitation to him because she knows if she mails it to his house, he'll never see it. (His wife has always intercepted all communication from them whether by snail mail, email, or text. She has their phones set up so that she sees all his text messages.) I told my daughter I was proud of her for taking the high road and inviting him. I hand delivered the invitation today. It was addressed to him only. The first thing he said was "I am not going without my wife." I told him I couldn't care less if his wife went, but my daughter does not want her there because she is a mean drunk and will absolutely make a scene. She always does. He mentioned that she wouldn't go if I was going to be there. Umm. Duh. I am going to be there just as I've been there for all three of them every single day since our divorce, and at this point, they only have ONE parent since he has nothing to do with them!

Long story short, I've been feeling the hate and resentment quite strongly today. I don't understand how a father turns his back on his daughters when he was such a wonderful father when they were growing up! I've spent the past almost four years trying to get the four of them to mend fences so he would be in their life. Nope. He has chosen his new wife over his daughters. I told him it's fine that he loves her. They don't have to love her and they are allowed to set boundaries. 

Our situations are different, but you just keep doing what you need to do to be there for your kids. Even if your daughter continually forgives your ex and makes allowances for her, when push comes to shove, she knows which parent she can rely on. It's important for us to navigate through the hatred and resentment so that we can be the best parent possible to our kids. Like BaileyB said, holding resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. I know my daughter is hurting because she's going to get married and her father probably isn't even going to be at her wedding, but he'll make his choice and he'll have to live with it. I'll never understand it, though.

Thanks for the post.  I commend your daughter for her decision to be the bigger person.  Its something I need to work on.  Also, congratulations to her for her big day.  I pray she has a long and fullfilling marriage.  

Its a shame that we find ourselves in these types of situations.  You just have to sit back sometimes and wonder what they are thinking.  Behaviors and actions that just don't make sense to us.  They have to be ridden with guilt,,,,,,,right?  This is where I feel sorry for my ex.  Holidays, birthdays, any events that include her kids and granddaughter are over for her.  That has to be hard to carry.  The kids will never accept the guy she is with.  Never.  She can live with that, but I would never be able to.

My daughters graduation from religion classes went alright.  It's the first time i've seen the ex in over two years.  Of course we didn't speak though.  I actually think it was good for me because she seems like nothing more than a stranger now.  When the graduation was over everybody got into a line to congratulate the 5 graduates.  My girlfriend and I didn't and waited until after.  We had our backs turned when the ex walked by, but I noticed my son was standing in the back afterwards so he had an encounter with her and i'm curious what happened.  He left from there to attend a wedding reception and is on vacation for a week so I haven't gotten to talk to him.  Was he civil towards her or did he throw a dig?  I'm not sure, but she didn't wait around and left.  

After the graduation my girlfriend and I took my daughter and husband and my ex sister-in-law and her husband out for dinner.  It was kind of weird but i'm glad we did so.  

Best of luck to you in the future my friend and congratulations again to your daughter.