relationship problems

[azul2006]

My boyfriend of eight months has recently ended our relationship. I have realized that I made a mistake and that I really love him. We fought about diet, nutrition, and clothing, otherwise we got a long great. He is a kind person but has some issues regarding rejection from his past relationship. I made him feel like he wasn't good enough, eventhough now I realize he was. He have been communicating eventhough we split up but it's has been mainly me trying to get him back. I have realized how stupid I was and want another chance. At one point we got together and started discussing getting back together. It was very pleasant, I felt confident, and then two days later I get an e-mail saying, "I know we need to talk about us, but I have been ignoring it." I was very hurt, got angry and sent a nasty e-mail telling him that he was cold and insensitive. Later I apologized and told him that I felt rejected and hurt. I also expressed that I love him and wanted another chance. He told me that he was going through a weird stage, felt nothing for anyone, and was emotionally unavailable. A week a later a friend of mine sees his profile on an internet dating site with pictures taken at my parents house and from trips we did. I then receive an e-mail:

 

But I'm all alone now. I'm thinking about you. I'm thinking we could have a platonic relationship. You were never that attracted to me physically anyway.

I'm thinking that our interactions recently seem to result in pain to at least one of us. Maybe if we lose the attachment, romantic, sexual aspects of a relationship we can salvage something that results in positive interactions.

 

It's Christmas. I just did not want to bring you down or cause you distress but I did not want to ignore the issues you raised. I care about you. Please have a Happy Christmas.

 

I'm extremely lost on what to do. On one hand I want another chance but on the other hand, how much rejection can I stand. I'm not comfortable in the chasing role and have never done this before. Usually, I'm just happy to walk away. I have been thinking that perhaps I'm trying to punish myself and perhaps justify what I do by turning the table around. Is there anything to salvage here?

[Craig]

He's telling you that he is tired of feeling hurt when the two of you "talk". If you want to have someone associate good feelings with you then you can't be sending nasty e-mails hoping to make things better. No matter how you feel.

 

Fighting over nutrition, food and clothing is um stupid unless you are talking about extremes in which case maybe you shouldn't be together anyway. Then again, there are couple that are extremely different and lead happy lives together.

[azul2006]

thank you so much for your feedback. I'm not sure he's the one who is feeling hurt. I think he is referring to me as a few days back I sent him a message telling him that I loved him and that I felt sorry that our relationship ended. I told him that I wished to speak to him in person or over the phone. He ignored this request and keeps e-mail, I feel there is too much room for misinterpretation. He told me that he was busy and it would have to wait until 2006. I then got the e-mail saying that he just wants to be friends and that he doesn't want to ignore the issues that I raised. Well, I never raised any friendship issues, only love and working it out again. He isn't listening or just playing games. He also told me that he's emotionally unavailable, then what is he doing on Lavalife and match.com? The words about him being all alone and caring for me, I'm starting to think are being said out of pure guilt that he is mistreating me. He knows that I felt sorry for the things that I did and said and that I honestly wanted to give it another chance. He is rejecting me out of angry. For two months I have tried to get him back, but with no success just rejection.

 

I hope that I'm not wrong. I would really appreciate some opinions. I'm ready to walk away but don't want to make a mistake.

[memes]

From what you have been saying, it does sound like the two of you were having arguments about things which were minor.

 

And when you two broke up, you kept chasing him.

 

I think you should seriously consider NC. What he does now, is all up to him.

Don't keep tab of what he does, and whom he does it with, it is not your business anymore.

 

When you both tried to keep communication open, *you* sent him nasty emails. *You* keep chasing him. *You* keep asking him about a second chance.

 

If you are nasty via emails now, when you are upset, how much improvement is he going to expect if you are going to get back together? Is he going to look foward to more arguments about nutrition etc...?

 

I strongly advice you to do NC. If you two get back together, it will happen. But you should not hold your breathe whilst he rebuilds his life.