grace2005 Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 Has anyone else had a second chance offered to them by their ex but you decided to turn it down?? Or maybe you took your ex up on their offer and then a month or two later you decided to turn it down by ending it permanently and go into strict NC mode?? One of the reasons I turned down my second chance after a month was because I sensed she was putting pressure on me to have sex with her. She wanted to carry the relationship at a faster pace than I was willing. Before the break up I was more into her than she was into me. When we reconciled after 2.5 months she was more into me than I was into her. It's amazing how the tables turn. I never thought I would turn down a second chance. During the break up I wanted her to reciprocate my love. Now a month after reconciling I was the one having a hard time reciprocating her love. I actually feel better today. I've been in 13 days of NC with my ex. I hope this will kill whatever remaining feelings I have for her. I went to an arcade all by myself tonight and had a wonderful time. I won some stuffed animals and candy. The freedom of being single is amazing. One reason is that I'm free to be myself and I'm under no pressure to impress anybody. I'm not dating anyone right now nor am I looking. So I'm free to be myself. I don't have to be accountable to my ex or any woman anymore because I'm not with anyone anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 29, 2005 Author Share Posted December 29, 2005 My ex just e-mailed me wishing me a merry christmas and a happy new year. I don't know if I'll respond or not. I have not responded to any of her calls since I dumped her 2 weeks ago. Maybe she doesn't realize I mean business when I said its over. I think I'll continue the NC until she's begging me to come back. It's day 14 of NC. Link to post Share on other sites
mooncloudprincess Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 but honestly not because i wanted to. i wanted things to work out, but they just weren't meant to be. i guess i am a little sorry that they weren't the rosy picture that i had envisioned, but i am grateful that i am free to find someone decent. Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 The freedom of being single is amazing. One reason is that I'm free to be myself and I'm under no pressure to impress anybody. I'm not dating anyone right now nor am I looking. So I'm free to be myself. I don't have to be accountable to my ex or any woman anymore because I'm not with anyone anymore. Because you know you can get back to her anytimes. You're just enjoying that the tables are turned which makes me think you're too immature to have a relationship. My ex just e-mailed me wishing me a merry christmas and a happy new year. I don't know if I'll respond or not. I have not responded to any of her calls since I dumped her 2 weeks ago. Maybe she doesn't realize I mean business when I said its over. I think I'll continue the NC until she's begging me to come back. It's day 14 of NC. Yeah, that's really mature. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 29, 2005 Author Share Posted December 29, 2005 Because you know you can get back to her anytimes. You're just enjoying that the tables are turned which makes me think you're too immature to have a relationship. Yeah, that's really mature. Well she has to learn that she can't just walk in and out of my life whenever it's convenient for her. She either wants to make the relationship work or she does not. Why should she hold all the cards in the relationship? I have a say in this too Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 29, 2005 Author Share Posted December 29, 2005 If someone dumps you then it's best to enforce consequences if they later think they made a mistake and try to come back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 29, 2005 Author Share Posted December 29, 2005 No I don't think I can get back with her anytime. There is a chance she'll give up and leave me alone if I keep ignoring her. She'll have to eventually. She's either going to show up at my place begging or she's going to get the message that I mean business and then move on. When she broke up with me in august she did not have enough foresight to ask herself the question "what if I want him back and he decides to turn me down?" You see you just can't leave someone and not expect to suffer consequences. Dumpers must learn that they can't always expect their exs to take them back. If you let the dumper back into your life too easily then they think they can just take what they want whenever they want. Remember once they express their heart's desire to come back they have handed you the power and the ball is in your court. It would be wise to use that power. I'm working on self improvement right now. I've developed other hobbies and I'm exercising more. If she sees me again I'm going to look alot better physically but I'm not going to let her have me. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 Because you know you can get back to her anytimes. You're just enjoying that the tables are turned which makes me think you're too immature to have a relationship. Yeah, that's really mature. Aint that the truth. Seeking revenge definitely isnt the way to a loving future, by yourself or with anyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 30, 2005 Author Share Posted December 30, 2005 Day 15 of NC. I've had a mix of emotions today from anger, unspeakable joy, sadness, etc. As of yesterday I cut contact with 1 of my best friends. I think this NC is starting to help me out somewhat. If the right girl were to ever come into my life I'd probably turn her down too. I'm getting drunk tomorrow night. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 30, 2005 Author Share Posted December 30, 2005 I'm thinking of doing a 4th version of the no contact guides I wrote up. I'll keep everyone posted of the changes. Link to post Share on other sites
gfto Posted December 31, 2005 Share Posted December 31, 2005 Grace, I agree completely with what you're doing. You're not immature at all. You're simply showing that you have some backbone! She dumped you. Game over. No contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted January 1, 2006 Author Share Posted January 1, 2006 Grace, I agree completely with what you're doing. You're not immature at all. You're simply showing that you have some backbone! She dumped you. Game over. No contact. Yeah no kidding. I mean an ex is an ex for a reason. I don't know what I was thinking wanting a 2nd chance with her. Well my emotions did most of the talking. But now I would never again consider taking anyone back after they dump me. I don't care how sorry they may be unless they are begging forget it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted January 1, 2006 Author Share Posted January 1, 2006 By the way I forgot to point out that dreamguy got his 2nd chance with his ex and he turned it down too. Does anyone think he was immature to do that? I don't think so. If you take your ex back then that gives them the illusion that they can come and go as they please. It will be easier for them to dump you next time around. I don't think I'm making a bad move. She dumped me first and she has to live with that decision. She may very well regret it but hopefully it's a lesson for her to learn what to do next time with somebody else. It's not my fault that she did not have enough foresight to plan for the possibility that if she were to change her mind that I would turn her down. Funny how I did not get to the anger stage of the break up until after she came back. So did I dump her as an act of vengenance on my part? Absolutely. I want her to feel every ounce of the pain I went through for those 2.5 months. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted January 1, 2006 Author Share Posted January 1, 2006 Don't get me wrong. I still have romantic feelings for my ex but it may take a long time for those feelings to die. This NC business is too hard but I'm still in NC mode. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted January 4, 2006 Author Share Posted January 4, 2006 I miss my ex's presence so much. My stomach hurts. Everything. She has not called in 4 days. This is where NC is not fun at all. It aint easy but I'm sticking to NC. it's almost been 3 weeks. I was dying to call her like 33 times yesterday. Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted January 7, 2006 Share Posted January 7, 2006 I don't think I'm making a bad move. She dumped me first and she has to live with that decision. She may very well regret it but hopefully it's a lesson for her to learn what to do next time with somebody else. It's not my fault that she did not have enough foresight to plan for the possibility that if she were to change her mind that I would turn her down. There's a saying: "To cut off one's nose to spite one's face." Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted January 9, 2006 Author Share Posted January 9, 2006 Sometimes NC is peaceful & other times it's downright hard. I'm under alot of emotional pressure tonight for some reason to contact my ex. How much longer should I play the waiting game? It's been 3 weeks of NC. She stopped calling me 10 days ago. I want to at least be friends with her. I may not be ready to reconcile romantically for another three months. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 9, 2006 Share Posted January 9, 2006 There's a saying: "To cut off one's nose to spite one's face." He's done it in more ways than one Notice how he contradicts himself? "She has to live with that decision." "May not be ready to reconcile." He's a very confused person with issues that go much deeper than a relationship problem. Now he's complaining nobody wants to offer him advice anymore. Given his attitude and behavior, I don't blame them (or his ex) for ignoring him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted January 9, 2006 Author Share Posted January 9, 2006 No responses yet? I'll take that as everyone agreeing with my plan. I usually don't get a response unless someone disagrees with my agenda. At any rate it feels good not having to be accountable to any woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted January 9, 2006 Author Share Posted January 9, 2006 Thank God that the line of work I'm in does not require me to be in contact with very many people. This is one instance where reduced contact is peaceful. I'm going out to the street corner this weekend to preach the good news. I'm a free man! I have no criminal records. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted January 9, 2006 Author Share Posted January 9, 2006 Silence is usually a powerful weapon against your enemies. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted January 9, 2006 Author Share Posted January 9, 2006 I wish I was on this website 1.5 year ago when dreamguy was on all the time. I liked his version of NC better. I'm reading more of lost_n_chgo's posts. Thanx to dreamguy and nobody else on this damn board I learned how to play the waiting game. I no longer believe in using NC to heal myself. I believe in using it as a strategy of winning the ex back. The best way to love a woman is to apply no contact or at the very least reduced contact (depending on how she feels about your attempts to contact her) set her free and let her come to you. The women should do more initiating and chasing than the men. They should chase 60% of the time at least. They should be the ones to propose marriage if they feel strongly about the guy they are with. I'm thinking of doing a 4th version of my no contact guides. If you must contact your ex then don't do it more than once every 40 days. But don't always contact her 40 days later. Wait 52 days later next time, & wait 80 days later after that, 122 days after that and continue to increase the intervals. This only applies if she's not irritated at your attempts of contacting her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted January 9, 2006 Author Share Posted January 9, 2006 I think dreamguy was wise for turning down his 2nd chance with his ex. I can understand why. Go back over and read his threads. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted January 9, 2006 Author Share Posted January 9, 2006 This website is so damn addicting. This is a very toxic website. Everybody should stay away from these forums if they can help it. I'm hooked already. I'm spending my free time on this damn forum when I can be out having a good time with friends but no I cut them off too! Well I'm off to the politics section for now. Time for some flame wars. If everybody thinks this is a flame war right here you got another thing coming. This is a real picnic compared to what's coming next. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted January 10, 2006 Author Share Posted January 10, 2006 I just finished watching the movie "fatal attraction" . Hey at least I don't have that problem like that woman did in the movie. I don't know why everyone gives me the impression that it was wrong for me to dump my ex when she dumped me first. I thought it was not a crime to break up with someone. Obviously most members of LS think it was NOT a crime for her to dump me but it was a crime for me to dump her. That's a double standard. I thought both partners had to be willing to continue the relationship not just one partner. Don't I have as much of a right to break up with someone as she did?? Link to post Share on other sites
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