I really need help with this relationship..

[kaitamasaki]

I came to this forum yesterday night.. and read the post about "best advice = letting go" and it made big sense to me.. so I decided to give up as hard as I could yesterday night.

 

this is a really screwed up relationship... me and her have broken up 4 times in 10 months... shes 14 and im 16

 

in short:

- shes my first gf, and i got together with her even though i was still into my old crush (who i liked for the past year and a half)

-we broke up after 2 days, and i didnt even directly tell her either

-we got back together a month later

-broke up 2 months later with her, because i found out i still liked my old crush

-we got back together around 3 months later.. but i treat her very bad now.... we have arguments or deep talks almost every day.. i begun to restrict her and become jealous of her

-she had enough and dumped me less than 2 months later

- i begged for her back, saying i will change.. please give me a last chance.. etc.. and she accepted me but told me she didnt love me anymore, but she really wanted to

- it proceeded fine for a week or two, she loved me again, but 1.5 months later, she dumped me for the 2nd time saying .. this was the last chance, her love for me went from 90% to 40% instantly after something i said, and that she has had enough of the stuff i do to her, makes her suffocate

 

it was screwed after that, after long discussions and arguments, she agreed to give me a chance if i changed

 

now here comes the part you should really read:

1. i once told her i would only give up on her if she ever loved another guy

2. on the day of my birthday, which is around one month after our break up, we got emotional and i told her i love her. and she told me the same too.. and that she would be mine again

3. the day after, she said she wasnt my girlfriend.. because she doesnt want to be with me or anyone yet

4. i still hug and kiss her every day.. but she said she doesnt like it.. sometimes maybe she does.... but 6 days later.... she told me that her heart was on someone else, that she really didnt love me anymore

 

from this there might be another possibility : that she uses fact "1." against me because she thinks we're too close even not in a relationship.. and she hates it

 

5. a few days ago, i started to doubt she really liked another guy, because i dont have actual proof she does, although one person (who is the only one to be me and her friend) told me that she is very sure she does like someone else, because shes (my ex) bought a christmas present for him too.

 

but thats the only proof i have, besides my ex telling me "i really dont love u....."

 

whats strange is... when we go out with her friends or whatever.. she crosses her elbow into mine,, or holds onto my sleeve ... something i dont think most girls would do with normal guy friends .. espeically because she is not a really "open" person

 

 

she found that i was giving up last night.....but then the next day........

 

when we started talking to each other.. she pretended she dindt know me at all .. saying "who are you ?" , "i dont know you...O_O" and if i mention some things of hers like her address, phone number, she'd go "how do u know.... who are you?"

 

on her blog site.. it says "all that's left of me .... is what i pretend to be" and she deleted all her previous entries as well

 

i got the message.. but now i am really confused

 

what is she doing... if she wanted to stop being with me .. then she could just block and delete me off msn or whatever.. if we wanted to be friends.. we couldve done so already,, because ive controled myself to stop talking about love for the past 3 weeks. or maybe we know each other too well now, that too much scars have been in our relationship or friendship, that we should start over again?

 

and if it clears any doubts, i really love her. as for her.. i really don't know if her "crush" is just a concealer, or the truth

 

either way,, she doesn't want to be with me.. but because of what i have done, or because of her loss of love for me, i dont know.

 

i really dont know what to do now, what i have in mind is becoming a totally new person to her, as she is to me. does her actions indicate a chance for being together again is still possible?