wanderingthoughts11 Posted April 6 Share Posted April 6 Do you think he will ever respond? Have you experienced this before? I wished him an happy Easter and a good weekend and he did the same and told me all about his up coming day on top of telling me his plans with “my girlfriend” which I didn’t ask for details. It was brief . I thought I would be okay but that sent me spiraling and sent a text back that this can’t work and that we can’t befriends for now and a few things I’ve been wanting to say to him since the break-up. He never responded acknowledging me like he usually does and it’s been a week ( which is not totally unusual but for this , yes). But two weeks prior he was all worked up about this job I applied to and tried to talk me out of it I mean he was seriously begging me not to join. All upset and everything. .. then he turns around and tells me he has a girlfriend? Why he act like that if he has someone new ?! Maybe he just wanted to get a rise out of me? Who knows. Well he won. I think this so so hard for me because to me there wasn’t any bad times together before the break-up. It came out of nowhere to me. thoughts are welcome Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted April 6 Share Posted April 6 Since you told him you dan't be friends etc., of course he really is correct not to respond to you. If you were supposedly "friends" before you went off on him - then it was normal for him to express his opinions of your job prospect and also to let you know he has a girlfriend. Since that all upset you, obviously it's for the best that you drop this "friends" thing for good and cease contact with him. It will help you to move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanderingthoughts11 Posted April 6 Author Share Posted April 6 I never said it was not normal I just didn’t want o hear about it. We hardly communicate and I told him I didn’t want hear about that either prior. No it’s never his place to talk about any job prospects either like the way he did. He act like he was about to pass away. He is not with me and it’s not his place to try and convince me not do something with my life if that’s my only option and he is not going to support me. It’s one thing for a friend be like are you sure? Vs please don’t go pllllease don’t etc !! Our communication was very brief prior even and I dont share anything beyond small stuff if I do. ‘My point was I said happy Easter and never asked about his plans. That part wasn’t necessary and over share and I didn’t go off on him. I just politely mentioned I didn’t want to hear about this and we can’t be friends for now. Him not acknowledging that is not his normal but it is what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 6 Share Posted April 6 It's obvious he wanted you to know he has a new girlfriend. Maybe she was there with him when he sent the text or was on the phone and knew he was talking to an ex. So he assured her by mentioning her to you. It is never a good idea to try to be friends with an ex. As you can see when one of you moves on to someone else it hurts. I would block him and delete since he now has a gf. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanderingthoughts11 Posted April 6 Author Share Posted April 6 He said she wasn’t there he was meeting up with her. The text response was hours l ater that would be strange for him to be on the phone texting me at the same time lol. Being friends with exes has never gave me any issue until this past relationship. I still chat occasionally with an ex that got married soon after and has two kids. I’ve been just fine But this time I feel very different. I can’t do it this time . Lessoned learned. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 6 Share Posted April 6 37 minutes ago, wanderingthoughts11 said: I can’t do it this time . Lessoned learned. That's because you aren't over him yet. It would be bad for your mental health to try to be friends now that he has someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanderingthoughts11 Posted April 6 Author Share Posted April 6 Exactly why I did what I did this time with my reply. We can’t be friends right now. It’s for my own good. 9 minutes ago, stillafool said: That's because you aren't over him yet. It would be bad for your mental health to try to be friends now that he has someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 6 Share Posted April 6 You told him that you can't be friends and told him other stuff you've been wanting to say. Unless you asked a question in all of that, why would you expect a response? He's likely just read it and said to himself "OK, I respect that and will leave her alone" 2 hours ago, wanderingthoughts11 said: But two weeks prior he was all worked up about this job I applied to and tried to talk me out of it I mean he was seriously begging me not to join. All upset and everything. .. then he turns around and tells me he has a girlfriend? Why he act like that if he has someone new ?! Maybe he just wanted to get a rise out of me? Who knows. Well he won. We can't begin to answer this without knowing the reasons he gave when advising you to not take the job. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanderingthoughts11 Posted April 6 Author Share Posted April 6 5 minutes ago, basil67 said: You told him that you can't be friends and told him other stuff you've been wanting to say. Unless you asked a question in all of that, why would you expect a response? He's likely just read it and said to himself "OK, I respect that and will leave her alone" We can't begin to answer this without knowing the reasons he gave when advising you to not take the job. I did ask questions some questions but i never asked for him back. . Also, that is literally all he did was beg me not talk the job and acted like he was dying with no real reason why not too take it. He even admitted he new nothing about the job and I absolutely should not take it. Just dramatics. We hardly even talk anymore. His reaction did not make sense to me at this point when he walked out of my life. All it is a desk job that would take me to live overseas and back every few years in a cycle. I am not going to war. He literally was begging me and I dont even have a job offer. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 6 Share Posted April 6 Oh well, I guess he's just going along with your request to not be friends. And if he's being dramatic and nonsensical about a job you were looking at, then you're well rid of him 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanderingthoughts11 Posted April 6 Author Share Posted April 6 27 minutes ago, basil67 said: Oh well, I guess he's just going along with your request to not be friends. And if he's being dramatic and nonsensical about a job you were looking at, then you're well rid of him yea very true-- I will slowly feel better over time leaving things be and moving on. This no contact thing was necessary. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 6 Share Posted April 6 You're doing exactly the right thing. It's so much harder to get over someone when they are still in your life 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanderingthoughts11 Posted April 7 Author Share Posted April 7 2 hours ago, basil67 said: You're doing exactly the right thing. It's so much harder to get over someone when they are still in your life Agreed. Also, a part of me thinks he did not want me to take the job because I would have to go away -international for years on and off but if thats the case he should have just said so... But time to not think about that anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 7 Share Posted April 7 5 hours ago, wanderingthoughts11 said: Also, a part of me thinks he did not want me to take the job because I would have to go away -international for years on and off So, you took this to mean he might want to keep you around to eventually get back together? I can see why you are confused by the seemingly sudden turn-around but the fact that he's now referring to someone as his girlfriend tells you everything you need to know. He is not single anymore and apparently wanted to let you know. No contact, indeed! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanderingthoughts11 Posted April 7 Author Share Posted April 7 24 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: So, you took this to mean he might want to keep you around to eventually get back together? I can see why you are confused by the seemingly sudden turn-around but the fact that he's now referring to someone as his girlfriend tells you everything you need to know. He is not single anymore and apparently wanted to let you know. No contact, indeed! I have no idea what to think about it. I have never had a friend nor even a prior ex react this way so it through me off .He literally was acting like he is entire world would end and he was just straight begging me not to join. When he found out I past the test he reacted even worse and kept saying I need to learn more about it first. Like i need his approval? Then he turns around and tells me about his day that is coming up with his gilfriend all within 3 weeks. mind you this most we interacted in weeks.. I think I would not be the only one confused about this past month with how he was being. I was not holding on to hope but I just don't want to talk to him right now. So yea, no contact it is which I should have done weeks ago. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 7 Share Posted April 7 3 minutes ago, wanderingthoughts11 said: Then he turns around and tells me about his day that is coming up with his gilfriend all within 3 weeks. I think he was probably just hoping to keep you as Plan B until he met someone new. And now he's met someone new. It's time for this friendship to end, and all contact to cease for good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanderingthoughts11 Posted April 7 Author Share Posted April 7 1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said: I think he was probably just hoping to keep you as Plan B until he met someone new. And now he's met someone new. It's time for this friendship to end, and all contact to cease for good. Could be true but I feel like he is too grown to be acting this way. If he had someone new and did not want to communicate anymore he should have just said so or just never messaged me again. I'ts not like we talk everyday ..hell maybe once a month or less. *shrugs* but you are probably 100 percent right on this take to be frank. oh well. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 7 Share Posted April 7 1 minute ago, wanderingthoughts11 said: If he had someone new and did not want to communicate anymore he should have just said so or just never messaged me again Life is full of should-haves. But once we realize that doesn't mean much in terms of how others actually behave, it is easier to let go. It's not worth wasting emotional energy on. He has found a new love interest and it's best that you know it so you can put him in your past and close the door. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanderingthoughts11 Posted April 7 Author Share Posted April 7 (edited) Exactly why I told him to stop messaging me for good. I just want this job so I can start my new life chapter off with a bang. I don't even want to date anymore. im so turned off from it. Edited April 7 by wanderingthoughts11 Link to post Share on other sites
happyhorizons Posted April 7 Share Posted April 7 3 hours ago, wanderingthoughts11 said: Could be true but I feel like he is too grown to be acting this way. If he had someone new and did not want to communicate anymore he should have just said so or just never messaged me again. I'ts not like we talk everyday ..hell maybe once a month or less. *shrugs* but you are probably 100 percent right on this take to be frank. oh well. Just do not let HIM determine what you will or won't do. I agree with the poster above that it does seem like he is keeping you on THE LINE as option B or maybe even C. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanderingthoughts11 Posted April 7 Author Share Posted April 7 4 hours ago, happyhorizons said: Just do not let HIM determine what you will or won't do. I agree with the poster above that it does seem like he is keeping you on THE LINE as option B or maybe even C. Once he left me he lost all ability to even have a chance to sway me into doing anything in regards to my life. If he was keeping me as an option then he is not now as he never got back to me since this transpired on Easter. Not even a quick acknowledgement. I was going to block but seems pointless now 🤣 Link to post Share on other sites
happyhorizons Posted April 7 Share Posted April 7 18 minutes ago, wanderingthoughts11 said: Once he left me he lost all ability to even have a chance to sway me into doing anything in regards to my life. If he was keeping me as an option then he is not now as he never got back to me since this transpired on Easter. Not even a quick acknowledgement. I was going to block but seems pointless now 🤣 You are better off without THIS nonsense in your life. You are definitely worth being #1 and nothing less. Nothing but smiles and happy horizons for you.......... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanderingthoughts11 Posted April 7 Author Share Posted April 7 31 minutes ago, happyhorizons said: You are better off without THIS nonsense in your life. You are definitely worth being #1 and nothing less. Nothing but smiles and happy horizons for you.......... Yes I know but i would feel better if he was a giant ass right up until the breakup then I would be feeling better about everything right now. All in time! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 7 Share Posted April 7 23 hours ago, wanderingthoughts11 said: and he did the same and told me all about his up coming day on top of telling me his plans with “my girlfriend” which I didn’t ask for details. It was brief . I thought I would be okay but that sent me spiraling and sent a text back that this can’t work and that we can’t befriends for now and a few things I’ve been wanting to say to him since the break-up. Consider this as "his giant ass" move to help you move on from him. There's really no good reason not to block him at this point since he now has a girlfriend. 46 minutes ago, wanderingthoughts11 said: Yes I know but i would feel better if he was a giant ass right up until the breakup then I would be feeling better about everything right now. All in time! Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted April 7 Share Posted April 7 1 hour ago, wanderingthoughts11 said: I was going to block but seems pointless now 🤣 Please block him. We have already established that he has the capacity to send messages that will put you in an emotional tailspin and cause you to regress in your healing. Instead of leaving the door open, shut it firmly and lock it--by blocking him. Link to post Share on other sites
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