GF becoming escort

[LosingSoul]

10 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

I'm surprised that you shared with her a "solution" that some stranger on a message board floated out there without finding the facts first - and I even told you you could Google for the cost.

This is getting more and more out there.   

 

I didn't sleep last night, also worked through the entire day then immediately worked in a night shift job. I only just finished and it's after 4am. When I'm tired, stressed out, I might overlook things. My bad for not reading carefully.

I'm going to sleep for 3hrs then back to work after strong coffee. 

[LosingSoul]

9 hours ago, flitzanu said:

it is really sweet that you are trying to help your sick girlfriend, but i'm with the others....all of this sounds incredibly skeptical with her story.

has she asked for large sums of money other times over your last four years of dating?

I try to pamper her with gifts and fine dining but she'd say I shouldn't spend so much on her, we end up cooking together during our time in Mexico 

[Wiseman2]

On 4/7/2024 at 9:25 PM, LosingSoul said:

My girlfriend of 4 years is from Mexico, severely ill with aplastic amenia. She's planning to become an escort to fund her surgery (chemotherapy combined with bone marrow transplant, £42,000) then potentially lifetime of blood transfusions at £2,400 per week. 

She can go to social services and apply for help with housing, food stamps assistance with employment and job training as well as healthcare. Hopefully she's not scamming you for money. Telling you this sad story combined with threats to sell herself sounds a bit like extortion. 

[LosingSoul]

6 hours ago, mark clemson said:

You say she is your GF of 4 years, yet it appears you live in separate countries and see each other rarely. Her country provides reasonably adequate healthcare for its citizens, although the particular illness you describe might be a tricky one for their system. Nonetheless, people there don't have to pay huge sums for healthcare.

People, including women, do sometimes exploit others' kindness and/or feeling for them for financial gain. They are often well aware of the natural instincts many men have to protect someone they've bonded with, and the hoops they will jump through to do so.

Respectfully, you should ask yourself whether you're being scammed here and she has you "hook, line, and sinker". She could easily accept your money, deceive you that she "got treated," and a relative could inform you she passed away. She'd then be free to spend the money.

You could consider letting her do what she feels she needs to do to support herself through this. This might result in further pressure from her - "what, you're going to let me become a prostitute!?! It shows you never really cared." It's an understandable reaction (if it happens) but you can see how it's ambiguous - is it genuine fear you're abandoning her/not supporting her in a time of great need OR is it a pressure tactic playing on your emotions to get you to pony up funds?

Don't be shocked if, in several months time, she is gone and so is the money, while you're on the hook for the loan. It certainly wouldn't be the first time something like this has happened to a young man...

Do scammers spend 2-4 hrs on the phone almost every night talking to you, for 4 years? I have seen YouTube scammers, they tend to get annoyed if they don't get money after 10-20 minutes. This is a woman who spent a lot of her time on me. She never once asked me to fund her surgery, I kept asking how much it is, we even argued before she caved in and told me. She wanted to deal with the situation without troubling me. I feel so useless.

[LosingSoul]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

She can go to social services and apply for help with housing, food stamps assistance with employment and job training as well as healthcare. Hopefully she's not scamming you for money. Telling you this sad story combined with threats to sell herself sounds a bit like extortion. 

When I was in Mexico I saw a lot of homeless people. If I offered food, they'd eat as if they haven't ate anything for days. I can't speak for healthcare but there's no food stamps from what I can see, those homeless people looked starving, visibly skinny.

[Wiseman2]

Just now, LosingSoul said:

When I was in Mexico I saw a lot of homeless people. If I offered food, they'd eat as if they haven't ate anything for days.

You're not a social worker. She needs a lot more than a handout from some first world guy. If her story is even true. 

[basil67]

18 minutes ago, LosingSoul said:

Do scammers spend 2-4 hrs on the phone almost every night talking to you, for 4 years? I have seen YouTube scammers, they tend to get annoyed if they don't get money after 10-20 minutes. This is a woman who spent a lot of her time on me. She never once asked me to fund her surgery, I kept asking how much it is, we even argued before she caved in and told me. She wanted to deal with the situation without troubling me. I feel so useless.

Romance scammers spend a lot of time building deep emotional bonds with the person.  Now, I'm not saying that she IS a scammer, but I will reiterate "trust but verify"

[ExpatInItaly]

35 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Romance scammers spend a lot of time building deep emotional bonds with the person.  Now, I'm not saying that she IS a scammer, but I will reiterate "trust but verify"

This. 

And, OP - since you are not there to see her much, you also have no idea if she's currently doing the same thing with other men. I just don't think her story really adds up, and you unfortunately sound like an easy target for a sob story. 

[MsJayne]

6 hours ago, LosingSoul said:

Do scammers spend 2-4 hrs on the phone almost every night talking to you, for 4 years? 

Yes. They're prepared to put in the hard yards for a big payout. Especially if they've got a number of targets on the go at the same time, (which they do), it earns them big bucks. Plus there's always the possibility that one of the targets will actually marry them, and then they've, (potentially), won the big lottery. If you choose to give this woman money, please don't involve your mother, I smell the stench of Scammer. The whole cat-care thing sounds like a load of horse-s**t to me, and here's a tip.......tell her your house burned down and you had no insurance and are now homeless, and see how quickly she cuts contact with you.  

[mark clemson]

On 4/8/2024 at 8:36 PM, LosingSoul said:

Do scammers spend 2-4 hrs on the phone almost every night talking to you, for 4 years? I have seen YouTube scammers, they tend to get annoyed if they don't get money after 10-20 minutes. This is a woman who spent a lot of her time on me. She never once asked me to fund her surgery, I kept asking how much it is, we even argued before she caved in and told me. She wanted to deal with the situation without troubling me. I feel so useless.

Perhaps not, but perhaps so. 42K is a lot of money in Mexico, given the exchange rate difference. So she may have "put work into you" to help ensure you'll fall for the scam when it happens.

Another possibility is that she may have established a romantic relationship with you and has now changed her mind and decided her best move now is to exploit you.

Both of the above are certainly possible IMO.

[d0nnivain]

If she's that sick how exactly is she going to have sex?  Does she really think she can raise that kind of money if she's ill?  

OP I really think she's playing you.  

[LosingSoul]

She said she wanted to break up. We had an argument. I was saying I'll ask my mother for help, she said she doesn't want to bother my mother, and she'll do her job soon so she doesn't cause me problems. I started saying wtf would you choose to be a prosti... that word, instead of accepting my mother's help. She got offended because I called her that word, said I shouldn't have offended her, if I'm selling myself she wouldn't call me that. She said all she wanted was respect, then said she wants to break up. I begged her not to, also offered to help even if she wants to break up because I don't want her having that kind of job. That was free financial assistance I offered (I'd have to pay back my mother of course), she was not seeing sense and turned me down.

If she was after money she'd accept, she's very stubborn at times, has ADHD so way of thinking isn't like others. I'm hoping I can convince her to take me back 😭. I don't want her to die or ruin her life out of spite because I offended her. 

[d0nnivain]

@LosingSoul

You may not be able to fix this from the other side of the planet.  It may be best that you let her go.  

[basil67]

1 hour ago, LosingSoul said:

She said she wanted to break up. We had an argument. I was saying I'll ask my mother for help, she said she doesn't want to bother my mother, and she'll do her job soon so she doesn't cause me problems. I started saying wtf would you choose to be a prosti... that word, instead of accepting my mother's help. She got offended because I called her that word, said I shouldn't have offended her, if I'm selling myself she wouldn't call me that. She said all she wanted was respect, then said she wants to break up. I begged her not to, also offered to help even if she wants to break up because I don't want her having that kind of job. That was free financial assistance I offered (I'd have to pay back my mother of course), she was not seeing sense and turned me down.

If she was after money she'd accept, she's very stubborn at times, has ADHD so way of thinking isn't like others. I'm hoping I can convince her to take me back 😭. I don't want her to die or ruin her life out of spite because I offended her. 

You are promising your mother's help before your mother has even agreed...this is as bad as talking about an air ambulance before researching it.   Why on earth do you think your mother would donate such a large sum to a woman who isn't even your wife?   

That said, this woman's plan doesn't even make sense.  It would take years of sex work to save the amount of money she needs, but she'll allegedly be dead in 3-6 months.  The sex work isn't going to happen because she'll be too sick.   

If a story doesn't make sense or is too wild, then it's probably not true.  This knowledge is how we recognise trolls online and scammers in real life.

[LosingSoul]

15 minutes ago, basil67 said:

You are promising your mother's help before your mother has even agreed...this is as bad as talking about an air ambulance before researching it.   Why on earth do you think your mother would donate such a large sum to a woman who isn't even your wife?   

That said, this woman's plan doesn't even make sense.  It would take years of sex work to save the amount of money she needs, but she'll allegedly be dead in 3-6 months.  The sex work isn't going to happen because she'll be too sick.   

If a story doesn't make sense or is too wild, then it's probably not true.  This knowledge is how we recognise trolls online and scammers in real life.

I was banking on my mother willing to help me, loan to me, not donate to her, I'd pay back my mother with interest. I haven't thought what if my mother doesn't have the money or refuses to help. She owns a house, maybe I can get a decent loan if she acts as my guarantor. I will repay everything, I wouldn't screw over my own mother.

 

I checked prices, some escorts charge £400 for one hour, if she gets 2 customers a day in theory several months is enough to get £42,000 but I don't believe her body can manage cardio activities if she can't fly. Crime in Mexico is high, what's to stop one of those customers hurting her...

I called in sick today at work, I'm panicking, unable to think of a solution. My breathing has gone out of whack, I need to think of something, do something to fix this.

[BaileyB]

4 minutes ago, LosingSoul said:

I need to think of something, do something to fix this.

This is going to sound harsh, but it’s not your problem to fix. Your mother would be very unwise to lend you this money. You are far too invested in this relationship. My advice, you really need to think about your own well-being and consider letting this relationship go…

[basil67]

10 minutes ago, LosingSoul said:

I was banking on my mother willing to help me, loan to me, not donate to her, I'd pay back my mother with interest. I haven't thought what if my mother doesn't have the money or refuses to help. She owns a house, maybe I can get a decent loan if she acts as my guarantor. I will repay everything, I wouldn't screw over my own mother.

You hadn't considered that your mother may not have the money?  Or that she wouldn't loan the money to you?   You're sounding very naive or very entitled.  Or both.

Again, if I was your mother, I would not put my house on the line to go guarantor for such a hairbrained scheme.  The fact that you don't plan to screw your mother over doesn't mean that you can necessarily repay her.   I would only do this if it was my own flesh and blood.  

Remember, you have no evidence of the illness, you're not married to the woman and her plan doesn't make sense.  Leave your poor mother out of this.

10 minutes ago, LosingSoul said:

I checked prices, some escorts charge £400 for one hour, if she gets 2 customers a day in theory several months is enough to get £42,000 but I don't believe her body can manage cardio activities if she can't fly. Crime in Mexico is high, what's to stop one of those customers hurting her...

*SOME* escorts.  Yes, the educated, beautiful, high class sex workers who can easily hold their own at a corporate dinner, and mingle with the elites without being recognised.  For starers, how could your girlfriend afford all the lovely clothes she'd need?   How would she get introduced or work her way up?  Life isn't like Pretty Woman.   Most sex workers will be working for much less without guaranteed clients. 

And what about the money she'd earn anyway?  Is she planning to turn up at the hospital with that much cash?  This is just silly

10 minutes ago, LosingSoul said:

I called in sick today at work, I'm panicking, unable to think of a solution. My breathing has gone out of whack, I need to think of something, do something to fix this.

You can't fix it.  

 

[NuevoYorko]

She will not be capable of having sex at a volume high enough to pay for the treatments at the price you've shared here, which I believe is pretty under the real price at least in the USA and UK.   So she will be prostituting herself and still not be able to afford it.  

I must say, though, that this is a pretty outlandish narrative.   

[basil67]

@LosingSoul The average price of a sex worker in Mexico is apparently about $US150 ph  (about GBP120).  She'll never reach the amount she needs, therefore she's either a very bad planner or extorting you

https://vividmaps.com/price-of-sex-around-the-world/

[d0nnivain]

You want your mother to risk her HOUSE for this woman?  Good grief. 

You need therapy.  The fact that you can't work over this is over the top.  

[Acacia98]

9 hours ago, LosingSoul said:

I was banking on my mother willing to help me, loan to me, not donate to her, I'd pay back my mother with interest. I haven't thought what if my mother doesn't have the money or refuses to help. She owns a house, maybe I can get a decent loan if she acts as my guarantor. I will repay everything, I wouldn't screw over my own mother.

OP, what if something happens to you (e.g. illness, job loss, an accident) and you are unable to pay your mother back? That's a realistic possibility. Anyone who lends a significant amount of money to a loved one has to contend with the possibility that they may never see that money again. If that would mess their finances up, then they are well advised not to proceed with the loan.

Realistically, OP, you are not God. There comes a time when you have to accept that there are things you can't control. I'm sorry that your girlfriend's prognosis is what it is. And it feels cold telling you you're just gonna have to accept the possibility of her death. Unfortunately, though, that is your reality. I think there's something that's making this whole experience even harder for you to deal with than it would be for most folks (who, I am sure, would be grief-stricken). Maybe you've suffered too many previous losses and just can't bear to lose another loved one. Maybe there's something else you're struggling with. I don't know. I just think it would help you tremendously to seek the services of a therapist. Also, try and seek out assistance from someone who works in palliative care. And if you are religious, perhaps you should also seek the counsel of clergy. I would also strongly advise you to try and independently look for more information about your girlfriend's diagnosis and the Mexican health system. 

Edited April 12 by Acacia98

[Foxhall]

I can empathise I suppose in the sense I still hope to marry a Mexican national (we are talking at least, but you know I look on it whatever is meant to be will be- not everything we can control and circumstances are sometimes beyond our control )

that last part applies to you most likely

I was asking her about this actually- she said that the vast majority of Mexican workers, they will qualify for social security and following on from that are entitled to free medical care including free cancer treatments.

She mentioned a shortage of certain cancer medicines being available there at the moment so I dont know- but there certainly is a mechanism that people qualify for free cancer treatments, so I dont imagine a situation where this lady cannot access any help whatsoever.

If you research "seguro popular" you will find out a bit more

Anyways I agree with the other posters you have  be realistic and accept that this situation (if it is true) is something which is beyond your capacity to influence.

 

[NuevoYorko]

The bottom line is:  You are  not going to be able to take on responsibility for this person's financial and health situation for the rest of her life.  You'd need to be super wealthy.   You know this.  You are mainly having an emotional reaction to the fact that she's (supposedly) chronically ill, and mainly, you are freaked out that she has told you manipulatively that she will be a prostitute to deal with this.   

In fact, even if she is severely ill, she will not resolve it by being a prostitute.  So that's not happening.  I mean, she might actually become a prostitute (or who knows - maybe has already) but no way could she sustain the lifestyle undergo the treatments, and pay for them out of pocket with such an illness and the reality of her income potential.

So -

Do NOT get your mother involved to sacrifice what she has to see her through her old age to pitch into this woman's "gofundme" effort.  

It wouldn't work, and your mom would end up destitute.

If YOU want to do that type of thing, I would certainly advise you against it but it's your own life.

[SoulCat]

You should under no circumstance drag your mum into this mess.
I don't believe you've mentioned your age, but I'm guessing that your mother is of pensionable age, or at least getting close to.
She may well be a homeowner, but even if the house is mortgage-free, that's her security, and her actual home. 
That's not something for you to trifle with over some extremely dodgy situation with a woman you barely actually know, who is spinning you a yarn that by all accounts makes zero sense.

Her story doesn't add up, the numbers don't add up and the facts don't back it up either.
None of this is any good for you. 
Not for your mental & physical health, your relationship with your mum, or your financial situation.

Do yourself a massive favour and let her go. It may hurt now, but you'll be thankful later.

[LosingSoul]

3 hours ago, Foxhall said:

I can empathise I suppose in the sense I still hope to marry a Mexican national (we are talking at least, but you know I look on it whatever is meant to be will be- not everything we can control and circumstances are sometimes beyond our control )

that last part applies to you most likely

I was asking her about this actually- she said that the vast majority of Mexican workers, they will qualify for social security and following on from that are entitled to free medical care including free cancer treatments.

She mentioned a shortage of certain cancer medicines being available there at the moment so I dont know- but there certainly is a mechanism that people qualify for free cancer treatments, so I dont imagine a situation where this lady cannot access any help whatsoever.

If you research "seguro popular" you will find out a bit more

Anyways I agree with the other posters you have  be realistic and accept that this situation (if it is true) is something which is beyond your capacity to influence.

 

She mostly worked teaching Spanish via instant messenger, akin to cash in hand, she hasn't been paying social security I think so probably won't be eligible.

Volunteering as self employed to pay this or private insurance is not an option to some Mexicans, they don't earn much and need to survive.

This has been eating me up. I planned my future with her, marrying her. Now it's like my life has been ruined. I have no future to look forward to.

I still want to believe she's not an evil scheming person. She's always been kind hearted, helped stray animals, nurses injured birds and cats to health, even donated expensive gifts her ex tried giving her instead of accepting it. In my heart she's a good person, driven by desperation and not well thought out plan because of her ADHD.