What to do? Help Please!!

[inlove4ever]

I don't know what to do. My fiance is in the Navy and he is in San Diego. He is coming home in Feb. and we are going to get married at the Justice of Peace. But his family doesn't know about it. They don't like me and think i am bad for him and that i will mess up his life. Before he left for the Navy in January, we did something at his Dad's apartment, and they still won't speak to me. I am not allowed at their house or his mom's house. No one will talk to me at all. When he was on leave i would take him to his mom's house and i would have to wait outside. I respect their wishes and do not try to call or come in. Should they be acting like this after almost a year. I have apolized time and time again. They know that Tj loves me and that i love him, but i don't know what to do to get in their good graces again. My mother is so upset with what they are doing to me. She is a very forgiving person and nice. But she is at her wits end, and it is making it hard on me. We can't have a wedding because my parents can't afford all of it and Tj is afraid of how they will act there. What do I do? His parent's don't even know that we want to get married. His step mom asked me over one day when he was home on leave, and basically told me all the things she didn't like about me and griped me out, which in a way i can understand, but come on now, it has been a year. My parents aren't happy with what we did but they still allow TJ over at my house. He stayed at my house for the whole 2 weeks except for one night when he stayed with his mom and one night when he stayed with his dad. Are they being unreasonable, or am I? I really need some help here, I don't know what to do, and I know it is hurting TJ that his parents don't like me. But he just says that he is grown and they can't tell him what to do. But if any one out there can help me with what I should do, please reply to this. I am only 18 and Tj is 19. I know I am young and so is he, but we love each other more than life itself. PLEASE HELP!![/b]

[johan]

Oh, God! My eyes!!

 

What was the something you did at his dad's place? Did you sacrifice a goat? Or just spend a little intimate time? I think it matters.

 

One piece of advice I can offer I get every book on marriage you can and both of you study, study, study.

 

As far as getting on his parents' good side, I'd have to know what you did before I could offer solutions. There probably aren't any easy answers. The best one would be to stay married for at least a decade. Act responsible. Dress more like an adult when you're around them.

 

Just understand that the pressure of disapproving parents can really get in the way. You may want to wait a while to see how it affects you. Not that you will, but you should.

 

Fix your text, if you want people to read this and give you decent responses. It's hard to think clearly with a headache.

[inlove4ever]

Well, we had sex in HIS bedroom. He was paying rent and everything. I know that doesnt make a difference but in some way it does. I always dress very respectful. I am very modest in how I dress, no stomach or boobs or butt showing off. lol. It effects me and him that his parents don't like me, but he never see's them and very seldom talks to them because of this, and I hate it and I told him that I shouldn't be the reason that he doesn't talk to them, but he says that he loves me and could really care less if they cared, but, i know he does. What should i do to get them to at least talk to me. And just be happy that their son is happy. I told them that i want nothing more than for TJ's happiness. And for him to be happy i would do anything,and i would, with no questions asked.

[inlove4ever]

What should i do?

[brashgal]

You are really young to be getting married, I'm guessing that is why his parents are concerned. Do you really need to get married in February? Where will you be living?

[inlove4ever]

well, I am going to college for Nail Technology, the acrylic nails. The only time we have to get married is in Feb. because he cant come back home for a while, like a year. And if we get married in feb. after i get done with my school in march, or april, he will already have base housing and then i will be able to go up there to san diego and live with him. I hate living at my house, my step-dad is a real jerk. He is unbearable to live with. and i want to be with tj. we are miserable when we are apart. we love each other dearly. Anyways his parents don't know what our plans are, they don't even know we want to get married. What should we do, about telling them? and they are not concerned they just don't like me at all. What should we do?

[johan]

well, I am going to college for Nail Technology, the acrylic nails. The only time we have to get married is in Feb. because he cant come back home for a while, like a year. And if we get married in feb. after i get done with my school in march, or april, he will already have base housing and then i will be able to go up there to san diego and live with him. I hate living at my house, my step-dad is a real jerk. He is unbearable to live with. and i want to be with tj. we are miserable when we are apart. we love each other dearly. Anyways his parents don't know what our plans are, they don't even know we want to get married. What should we do, about telling them? and they are not concerned they just don't like me at all. What should we do?

 

I don't think you're going to get good answers on this. There is no right way to handle it, and it's going to take a lot of courage to face them. You have to though, and you have to be straight with them and you have to be ready to face whatever they respond with. And there's no easy way to get them to like you. I think that's going to just take time, a lot of understanding from you, and a lot of patience.

 

While I agree that you're young, I wouldn't criticize your decision. I think you need to do some serious thinking and reading about what a marriage is really going to be like for you and him. People will say you're too young because you haven't had a chance to really have a serious relationship yet, and you're going to reach for the big one on your first try. You haven't been with anyone else to understand what people are like when they are so close. You probably haven't had a chance to figure out what you really want to do in life. There's no denying you and he have to learn a lot of the fundamentals, all while you're trying build a life together. That's a very tall order.

 

I know you're probably feeling ready, and your decision is made. For my part I hope you stay married for 80 years. If you want to, you'd better get busy learning everything you can now. Because you probably have 10% of the tools you need.