I think my husband is cheating

[diamond2013]

in 2019 My niece and her husband lived with us, she is only in her 20s and my husband is 50. I received a text on my phone saying they were sleeping together. When I confronted them about it of course they denied it. Well fast forward to 2024 they still flirt but only when I am not around. I did finally ask her husband and he said she did send him naked pictures but they still deny sleeping together. Well I found the pictures and some videos on his phone but he blew up when I did. He said he wasn't looking at them but yeah ok I get it. My feelings mean nothing obviously. I made him block her on all social media but I still feel like they are finding ways to talk. I feel like he likes younger skinnier women because I am 220 pounds but i am tall and she is very petite and short. I really hate the way I look right now, Please give me some input on what I should do. Or what you would do.

[OldManThinking]

Firstly, as a man, I'd say he is certainly cheating in the marriage.  I'd erase any doubt in your mind.  The problem to be faced, is infidelity.

From what you've written, I'd say there's a hole in your relationship, that the connection between you and your husband is broken.  See, when you cheat, you're simply not thinking of your wife.  What happens occurs in a personal space inside his head.  He's not trying to hurt you, but he's being selfish, and he's satisfying a carnal urge.

I do think you could work on yourself weight wise (apologies if that comes across as rude).  You could get fitter.  However, I'd do that for yourself, not for him.  Even if you were 120lbs, you'd still have a man who is looking outside the marriage, imo.

Can you get into couple therapy at all? 

Do you do anything together?

Have you discussed this with your nieces husband?  How did he handle the situation?

Finally I'll say this, and it's not very pretty.  If a 20's-something, small, petite, attractive (whatever he deems attractive) comes on to you at aged 50 - it sure is a tough thing to turn down, especially if alcohol is involved.  I'm just being honest.  What happened is his fault, but the girl gets part of the blame.  As a man, well, we can be animals.

I'd suggest some couple counseling.  A little bit of healthy eating an exercise for you.  I'd, of course, ban him from contacting this woman, and I'd want to know there aren't others he's contacting online.  See, you need to know if your marriage still has solid foundations, or if you're irreconcilable.  If he willing to do some work?

50 is a strange age for a man.  He knows he's about to enter being actually OLD.  But then, it's a strange time for women too!

[stillafool]

What kind of niece does this to her aunt?  And what do these young girls see in  men 30 years older than them?  I'm so sorry this is happening to you OP and I can understand how hurt you must be.  If it were me I'd file for divorce because I wouldn't be able to look at either of them again.  What is your niece's husband saying about this?

[d0nnivain]

Your married niece has no business sending naked pictures to her uncle.  Both of them are wrong.    That doesn't mean your husband had sex with her but level of inappropriateness here & that he kept the pictures would have me on the phone with a divorce attorney.  I would also tell your sibling, the niece's parent, what she did. 

If you are unhappy about your weight & how you look, change it.  Start small.  Get the fattening sugary snacks out of the house & add some movement into your life.   Taking a way will help clear your head as you struggle with the demise of your marriage.  

[Oldenuff2know]

On 4/8/2024 at 8:16 PM, diamond2013 said:

I feel like he likes younger skinnier women because I am 220 pounds but i am tall and she is very petite and short. I really hate the way I look right now, Please give me some input on what I should do. Or what you would do.

I'm not sure how long you've been married and/or whether you want to save the marriage. If so, I would try marriage counseling. He needs to take responsibility for his (very inappropriate) actions! Also, your niece would not be welcome in my home anymore. What a lousy way to thank you for welcoming her into your home! This has been going on for 5 years. Regardless of whether they slept together, it has certainly adversely affected your marriage.

Your weight/size is not an excuse for a man to cheat (or accept nudes from your niece, for crying out loud!), but if you are unhappy with yourself, make the changes for YOU, not for him. Even if you do not go to marriage counseling, go to counseling for yourself. Then, you can decide whether this marriage is worth saving and whether you can be happy with this man and ever trust him again. Just don't sacrifice your own chance at happiness to stay in a toxic situation that may or may not improve (and it won't improve until he owns up to his actions.)

[Will am I]

On 4/9/2024 at 2:16 AM, diamond2013 said:

in 2019 My niece and her husband lived with us, she is only in her 20s and my husband is 50. I received a text on my phone saying they were sleeping together. When I confronted them about it of course they denied it. Well fast forward to 2024 they still flirt but only when I am not around.

Big red flag.

If it needs to be hidden, it ain't pretty.

On 4/9/2024 at 2:16 AM, diamond2013 said:

I did finally ask her husband and he said she did send him naked pictures but they still deny sleeping together. Well I found the pictures and some videos on his phone but he blew up when I did. He said he wasn't looking at them but yeah ok I get it. My feelings mean nothing obviously.

This is right at the core.

Does your husband understand how (literally) worthless this makes you feel? Have you told him explicitely? 

Sometimes women tend to imply these statementsand assume that a man would understand. Unfortunately it doesn't always work.

I wonder: if he is confronted with the fact that his behaviour makes you feel like a discarded plastic bag, how does he respond? The response will tell you all you need to know. Maybe he really doesn't care, in which case your options are clear.

On 4/9/2024 at 2:16 AM, diamond2013 said:

I made him block her on all social media but I still feel like they are finding ways to talk. I feel like he likes younger skinnier women because I am 220 pounds but i am tall and she is very petite and short. I really hate the way I look right now, Please give me some input on what I should do. Or what you would do.

I don't advice this. You're not his mom. We shouldn't treat our spouses like children and we shouldn't tell them what the can and cannot do. Focus the message on how his behaviour is affecting you and draw a boundary about how you expect to be treated. Either he understands and voluntarily complies to your boundaries or you are done.

[basil67]

Throw them out and divorce your husband

Edited April 11 by basil67

[Stupidkupid]

6 hours ago, basil67 said:

Throw them out and divorce your husband

Could not agree more with this.

There is infidelity and there is infidelity. This is other level gross.

50 year old men who chase women in their 20s are bad enough, without them being their niece