I married a HEARTLESS man

[Sad32]

Hello everyone.. I badly need an advice or whatever guidance anyone can offer; I am at my wits end. 

 

Before I start explaining my situation, I want everyone to know that when I was dating this man, he wasn’t anything as I’ll be describing. As painful as it is for me to say.. I was love bombed. I laid all my cards on the table and we discussed what I want and what to expect in our relationship and he agreed with me. The big mistake was… I just jumped into this marriage without thinking of the consequences. Totally my fault.  

I’ve been married to my husband for almost 8 years. The beginning of our marriage was not perfect, but it was okay.. we were both adjusting.. he was never generous or super sweet, but he would surprise me once in a while and I did the same thing to him. We would go out once a week watch movies or eat out like normal couples did. After a year, the problems in our marriage started.. we both work but I made it a point to still make time for him. He started working a lot, he wouldn’t bring me out on dates.. he wouldn’t go with me to buy groceries.. he wouldn’t go out with me at all. His greediness with money started to show. I told him we should go out on dates once in a while and he said he has no problem as long as I am going to pay. Our fridge would be mostly empty and I had to BEG for him to share for groceries and things that we need for our household. He’s a workaholic so his work is always the priority, then his family, then his friends, then maybe something else, then me (maybe). He does not care for occasions, he wouldn’t even remember my birthday if I don’t remind him and the best thing that I would get from him is “happy birthday”.  I ended up in a horrible marriage. If I cry, he would tell me not to cry because only weak people cry… to make a long story short.. I get no affection whatsoever. We never go out and we never do anything together. He’s lazy and NEVER helps me with chores. The only thing that he does is to work, WORK, come home eat and watch tv while working and pile up the dishes and mess around the house. Yes, I tried to have a heart to heart talk, I prayed… I did everything.. nothing works. I’ve come to realize that he doesn’t love me. We pay equally for all the bills. I’ve decided a few years ago that I will live my life and go out with my friends and do me.. but that didn’t work out. Every time I go out he wanted me to send photos of who I was with, where I was and he started blowing up my phone. He then accused me of cheating… I got exhausted.. and I’ve decided to stay at home and save money until I can afford to leave him… 

YES! I want a divorce, and no.. I don’t have family or friends that I can depend on.. I’m on my own… I’ve planned everything.. and with the cost of living now and inflation.. I will only be financially safe to leave him in 2026.. I’ve calculated and planned everything… 

I was and still am in a very deep depression and took meds, did therapy.. because of my situation… the meds helped for awhile…

Please help me… I think of killing myself almost everyday.. but I WILL NEVER DO IT as I’m a God fearing person.. but being here.. waiting.. saving.. and stress from my 9-5 job.. it’s really hard… 

Please help me… what should I do while I’m trying to save money? How do I SURVIVE him everyday… 

I’m all alone in this world.. in this battle… I prayed so many times for God to take me.. this is how miserable I am, but I’m still here fighting and hoping that one day I will be free. 

any kind words of encouragement from anyone would really mean a lot to me.. any advice from anyone out there will strengthen me.. Thank you in advance. 

Edited April 10 by Sad32

[basil67]

Oh sweetie, what an awful situation for you.   Perhaps there are options for getting you out earlier?

I know that cost of living is terrible (housing where I am is eye wateringly expensive) but can you afford a room in a share house?  I left my marriage with no planning and had nothing but my 9-5 income, but I could afford a room in a share house.  Does your home have a spare bed that you can take?  Can you afford a wardrobe hanger from Ikea or Walmart?   A share house has to be better than what you're in now.

Also if you haven't already done so, speak to a lawyer.  Get the divorce papers and property settlement pre- prepared so that you can lodge them the day you leave.   Do you and your husband have a mortgage or savings?  If you've got savings, take some money with you as you leave...though it's best to ask the lawyer about what percent of cash you can reasonably withdraw from it.  If you don't have savings, open a new bank account and have the last paycheck before you leave deposited into the new account.

Lastly, have you spoken to your domestic abuse supports?  There may be options for a safe house until you get some savings together. 

I'm sorry for diving in with practicalities, but getting you out is paramount

Edited April 10 by basil67

[Weezy1973]

In most cities there are community resources for women that are abused (and yes what you’ve described is abuse). Get as much information as you can and you’ll see you can likely leave now and file for divorce earlier than 2026. It doesn’t sound like you have kids, which is something to be thankful for. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sounds awful and you must feel in desperation mode all the time. 

[d0nnivain]

Why do you have to save money?  You will get some assets from the divorce.  Your mental health won't survive 2 more years of this.  Save yourself & worry about the money later.  

[stillafool]

I agree with donnivain, you will get half his assets from the divorce to help you.  Don't wait, go ahead and file.  Why is there no food in the fridge?  You work so use some of your money to buy yourself some groceries.