An ex-mistress journey to recovery after the affair

[Nicki007]

It’s been 9 months since D-Day after being the OW in a 3 year emotional affair with a MM. I have come along way in this journey to regain a sense of my self-worth & self love. I have taken responsibility for the part in which I played in the affair & the eventual pain I caused due to it. There are still triggers, mostly when I’m having a bad day, when I cry & want to reach out to him. On the other hand, I see now what a fool I’d been given my time to someone who would’ve never put me first or choose me.

I am now terrified to date unless I know for sure & have proof that a guy is not married due to my ex AP that did  not disclose he was married too me for 9 months after we started our emotional affair, well at least 9 months prior, I had thought it was a start of a promising relationship, even though he knew he was married from the start of course.

I am taking care of my mentally & physically & am in the best shape physically & health wise. I have learned a lot about myself & what I want & what I will not tolerate…healthy boundaries.  Life is not where I want to be, but I’m happier & slowly moving towards being the person I want to & need to be. My inner growth is amazing. This whole experience has taught me a valuable lesson, but I wish I would’ve walked away from the start after I knew the truth about his marital status. I wish him & family well & hope they were/are able to heal from this. I apologize for the hurt I caused his wife & kids. I intend to be the best person I can be to make up for all the wrongs I participated in.

As for my ex-AP,  though there is no contact, every once in a while, we cross each other’s path in public. No words are spoken, but the tension is still there. There has been instances that where he use to stay far away from me, I see little things he does like where he would pass right by me & about a month ago, he saw me & turned towards me from afar & just stared at me until I broke the gaze. I notice he has put on weight which surprised me because in the 3 years we were in the emotional affair, he always kept himself up. Whatever he may be thinking, I have absolutely no intention of going back down that road. As I said earlier, I wish him & his family well.

I pray this is the last time I post on here due to finally getting my life where it use to be before the affair. I just wanted to share my story in the hopes it will shed light on those that are going through the same situation. You can come out better & wiser, even happier 😊

For those wishing to read of my journey, I included the links to my posts below.

Take care!

[stillafool]

Sounds like you're doing well.  Keep up the no contact and when you see him in public, don't look his way.  Just keep it moving.  Good luck.

[Nicki007]

22 hours ago, stillafool said:

Sounds like you're doing well.  Keep up the no contact and when you see him in public, don't look his way.  Just keep it moving.  Good luck.

Thank you! I intend to do both & keep moving forward 😊

[happyhorizons]

23 hours ago, stillafool said:

Sounds like you're doing well.  Keep up the no contact and when you see him in public, don't look his way.  Just keep it moving.  Good luck.

Really good advice here OP. Just take it one day at a time and just don’t look back.

[basil67]

On 4/11/2024 at 11:28 PM, Nicki007 said:

I am now terrified to date unless I know for sure & have proof that a guy is not married due to my ex AP that did  not disclose he was married too me for 9 months after we started our emotional affair,

There is no way to get proof that a guy is not married.   But what you can do is be alert to signs that he is.  

For instance, what clues did you miss about him being married?  And why did you commit yourself for three years to a guy who wasn't even giving you the life a good boyfriend would do?  

When you feel more confident that you wouldn't fall into this trap again, you will be more confident to date