Interesting Question

[Lauren]

A quick survey - quest for Loveshacker input.

 

I've experienced several times - although not recently - an attitude from other people that because I am not married and never been married and because I don't have children that I don't have a clue about "life" or "relationships". Now mind you, this usually occurs from people that I wouldn't take any type of relationship advice from nor would I trust to take care of my dog!! However, it is quite bothersome in some regard. Just because I am a single woman doesn't mean that I don't know what a relationship is. To the contrary - I sometimes feel I have a better idea because I have seen, experienced and heard about some doosies! I have CHOSEN to remain single because I wasn't about to bind myself to a person who wanted to "make" me - control the whole situation. I feel that waiting makes me all that much more sure of what a relationship should be - especially for me! And the children thing!! That is really crazy. I've babysat since I was 12 years old, I've taught Sunday school and I've taught and coached tennis. I also volunteer with children - usually mentally/physically challenged children - on a regular basis. I know that babysitting and teaching is not the same as having a child. I KNOW THAT!!! Again, I feel because I have waited until I was married and fully prepared to be a MOTHER/PARENT that I do know/understand what it is all about. Even those parents out there were first-time parents - unprepared and unsure - at some point! What, because NOW they are parents they KNOW the secret!! I doubt it! I even get this attitude from my own mother with regards to my niece. Once she actually thought that I wasn't careful and hurt my niece! The kid wasn't particularly happy about having her diaper changed and fussed. My mother thought that I pinched her when snapping her clothes back on!! PLEASE!!!!!! I did diaper changing less than 2 years ago - mom did it with us over 30 years ago!!!! HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. Most of my involvement with children and my relationship I keep quiet about - because I don't trust the people at work. I discuss it with my friends and family. Just because I am not married or have children does not mean that I do not have a family or responsibility. Actually, I know for a fact, that I have more responsibilities (take my responsibilities seriously) than some parents I know. I don't feel that I should have to defend my "right" to be knowledgeable about family and children. Even if I was the complete "unknowing one" here - at least give the benefit of being intelligent and being able to understand!! Does anyone out there have anything to say on these issues? Thanks.

[Tony T]

I would say that you went way out of your way to furnish far more data than was necessary to convince me that you know a lot about relationships.

[quankanne]

whoa, Lauren, someone REALLY got on your last nerve, didn't they? And I know exactly where you're coming from. They think just because you're not in the same exact situation as them, you have no clue about what goes on. Maybe, but as an outsider, you probably are capable of a bit more empathy for those friends and family members who are going through whatever situations they're going through, especially if it involves kids.

 

I'm married, but have no kids. That doesn't mean my experience carries any less value because I haven't experienced it first-hand, you know? I have a younger cousin who always rags me about not having children (which is pretty much a God-awful situation to be in when you're Hispanic), but I think to myself, this is the person who has a four-year-old child who can't talk and who isn't potty-trained, and a teenage son running wild on the streets because she doesn't spend a heck of a lot of time with him. And she's got the nerve to tell ME that I'm less than a woman because I can't seem to get pregnant?!

 

Lauren, don't ever forget how invaluable you are, especially having worked with kids in all kinds of capacities. You're most likely the one those kids can connect with when they can't with their own families. You're more patient than their parents (or other adults); they understand that you're willing to listen to them, even if it means listening to you dole out advice from an adult perspective. YOU are the one who spends time with them, and even if they're not your kids, that experience you have with them does make you an expert of sorts. When all is said and done, them naysayers have their eyes opened when they realize that you made a difference in those kids' lives.