Sigosaga Posted April 12 Share Posted April 12 (edited) Started as a friendship with work colleague (same age). Both attracted to each other out of respect on work, trust, support, intellectual, philosophical, etc. Both married with teenager kids each for each. Living in different country and timezone. Her marriage is OK not a great one, with her own boundaries, while husband living in another country. Whereas mine is great but lacks emotional support and intimacy (not $€><) at times. Friendship continued to grow, developed my feelings for her, Expressed my love /liking to her, not surprised she accepted and reciprocated instantly. Long phone calls, video calls, chats, turned into romantic conversations and extended into intimate video calls once a while. Both exchanged our love language and intimacy drive was better. All of these though not in person, since we have known each other for 4 years, we have never seen, met or connected in real life just on workspace and mobile. We have no plans to meet or lead a life together, we wanted to maintain this relationship forever. Her husband has asked her to move with him. While she is preparing for her move not whole heartedly, she has no other option. She feels things will continue but less frequency of our chats and calls, but will feel same amount of energy and bonding for each other. Something triggered her and She has slowly withdrawn and deliberately pushed away any romantic languages, no kisses, no emoji, not calling dear, and completely stopped any initimacy. Although did not happen over night, she has been indirectly sending me signs which I failed to read. We talk about everything and anything even today, she still shares her day to day events and plans for weekend, home drama and vice Versa. she thinks we should keep this way for this relationship to go longer, she doesn’t want this to be just a fling. Although she doesn’t feels what happened was wrong, she doesn’t want to cross the line. She doesn’t ignore me and gives same amount of attention but I believe she had made up her mind not to cross the line. But I am struck and can’t get out if my mind, thr thoughts and memories of being romantic and intimate moments together although only few times. I am not expecting to meet her anytime in future and no plans will be made, we both are clear about it. How do I get these thoughts out of mind and continue to be with her in a good relationship, I get a good emotional support and bonding ? I have no plans to end our relationship, but If I keep pushing about it, she will shut down. Should I give time and space to her, not to be desperate about this pity things? Edited April 12 by Sigosaga Too long Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 12 Share Posted April 12 Is there any possibility of things improving with your own marriage with your wife? Is it possible you’re focused on the wrong woman here? I’m asking out of curiosity. Sometimes we want something so badly because we can’t have it but the thing we should be working on is right under our noses. That’s your marriage. It doesn’t sound like you have a choice with this coworker. She’s busy with her husband and you are losing intimacy a 2nd time with this 2nd woman. First you lost it with your wife. Now this coworker. The pain or void must be awful and I feel for you but you’re really creating your own demise. This coworker is not interested in emotional intimacy anymore with you. If you want to continue a friendship it’s a lose/lose situation. You are back at square 1 with no emotional or little emotional intimacy in your life. You have another option: divorce your wife and start your life again and meet new people. I’m thinking the likelihood of you doing this is slim since you already opted on emotionally cheating and going outside your marriage chatting with this coworker. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sigosaga Posted April 12 Author Share Posted April 12 With her support and perception on my life things have improved greatly with my wife. She is never manipulative and wants the best for me. My marriage life is better now, and I am putting my best efforts to keep it happy. It’s just the old memories, I am unable pretend not having any romantic thoughts while having conversation with her.Once in a while if I express my feelings she is cool with that but not giving any hope or subtly avoids it. Question is to wait to get things back to how it was with her or just move on with good bonding. Keeping it simple as lucky to have got a good friend. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 12 Share Posted April 12 I’d probably leave it alone until you can properly control your emotions and those feelings fade. Some people can live conflicted but I suck at it and need clear cut boundaries. My advice is as someone who doesn’t usually tend to live in conflict so I have to suggest you keep the contact with her to a minimum and start focusing and thinking more of your wife. It sounds like you are invested in your marriage. Have you figured out the root cause of what was missing in your marriage’s intimacy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sigosaga Posted April 12 Author Share Posted April 12 Thanks @glows for your advice. I hear what you’re saying and kind of thinking the same. I am definitely invested in my marriage. As far as what was missing in our marriage was different love language. Although I appreciate what my wife has given to me, at times human mind is looking for acceptance without judgment, a little appreciation and recognition and understand and support ones feelings! I have started to focus on something big in life to keep myself engaged and improve everyone’s life around me. I am sure time will heal and memories will fade. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 12 Share Posted April 12 Shouldn't this be in the infidelity forum? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 12 Share Posted April 12 1 hour ago, Sigosaga said: Although I appreciate what my wife has given to me, at times human mind is looking for acceptance without judgment, a little appreciation and recognition and understand and support ones feelings! I know this is technically off topic, but your situation stems from not having your needs met in your marriage. Have you found the words to tell your wife of what you'd like to see more of in your marriage? Do you feel her judgement of you is unfair? In what ways does she not support your feelings? Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted April 12 Share Posted April 12 You both have emotionally cheated on your spouses. She obviously doesn’t want to cheat anymore, which is a good decision. I think you should focus on your marriage. Hopefully your wife forgives you this emotional affair and you’ll be able to talk openly about fulfilling each other’s emotional needs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts