I have fallen in love with my best friend, please advise!!!

[sephyvii]

Hi all, lets get down to business

 

I started college in September and am enjoying it very much, after being very depressed in secondary school it's a whole new start for me and I have made lots of new friends and become quite popular.

 

One of my new friends I have made is a girl called Emma. She's pretty, funny, smart, down to earth and likes everything I like. It's scary really, we're so similar in personality and views on things that she has become my best friend that I've made so far. However, I have now fallen in love with her and she is my first love to. During secondary school I had no connection with girls to be honest and may not pick up on things as well as others might.

 

Alot of the time we do flirt alot, even before I had these feelings for her we chatted and flirted alot of the time and it was great. Now, before my feelings for her got stronger I found out that she had a boyfriend which she's been going out with for the past two years. From the things that she's told me about him he sounds like a complete waste of space. He doesn't treat her right at all, I've seen him actually telling her to 'f' off for no good reason and he doesn't take her out anywhere, she just goes round his house and watches him play computer games for four hours and then goes home.

 

Now I talked to her about how I felt about her and the fact that she deserved better because her boyfriend was treating her like crap and ask her out. She said that she was still getting to know me and even if she did break up with her current boyfriend she wouldn't be ready to get into a relationship straight away which I could understand. She also said that if she dumped her boyfriend she thought she would lose a part of herself and didn't want to look back on her relationship as a waste. After that conversation I felt rejected and became very sad and deppressed afterwards, I even cried a little when I went to bed.

 

I thought that she would aviod me or something or just not make any contact with me, that's how bad I felt, but she came up to me and said I hope what I said last night wouldn't change anything between us now, I still want to be mates because your my best friend that I've made whilst at college. I said we should just forget about what I said because I don't want to ruin what we have now and that was that...but it wasn't.

 

Since then me and Emma have become even closer, our conversations more personal, and the flirting has increased alot. More hugs more small touches when we're talking everything in general and occasionally convesations of a sexual nature, which she starts! People have said to me she like us and I should ask her out, I wish it was that damn simple! As long as she's in her current relationship I feel as though I don't have a chance. I've seen them together and it's her who's putting all the effort into her relationship, whilst he sits there and does nothing. No one else can pursuade her to see that her relationship with him has reached the end of it's line, she has to see that for herself! Even recently she's actually said "God I hate him so much right now" but doesn't do anything and her closest friends even think she should break up with him.

 

What should I do? I have fallen deeply in love with from what I can see my perfect women, and it hurts so bad. Thanks for reading

[bluechocolate]

I've seen them together and it's her who's putting all the effort into her relationship, whilst he sits there and does nothing.

 

And there you are confessing your love to her, looking out for her best interests and being a good friend. Spot the difference?

 

Since then me and Emma have become even closer, our conversations more personal, and the flirting has increased alot. More hugs more small touches when we're talking everything in general and occasionally conversations of a sexual nature, which she starts!

 

And this is after you told her how you felt. Flirting, touching, hugging and conversations of a sexual nature with a guy she knows likes her while she's going out with someone else. You're both first year college, but this girl is still in high school (as is her relationship).

 

What should I do?

 

She's taken & has already told you that she won't be interested in starting another relationship - so you know where you stand. Look out for yourself and put some distance between you. And start meeting some other girls.

 

And take heart - most high school romances don't make it through the first year of college.

[travellingman]

You're in the friend zone. Find someone else.

[Neptune]

Wow! So close yet so far away. The one thing that young guys do all the time is fixate on one girl. And exclude everyone else. At least emotionally. Right now she has her cake and can eat it too. She has her lousy boyfriend, who, if nothing else, is a challange to her.

 

And she has you. She knows that. So, she can dilly dally around, look where ever, consider her alternatives, cry on your should should she feel the need and blah, blah, blah..... And then go back and try to make it work with this sorry excuse of a boyfriend. Who, if nothing else, is a challange to her.

 

So, even though you are officially in the Friend zone (after all, you have told her how you feel about her) your only hope is to make yourself more attractive to her than her boyfriend. Who, if nothing else, is a challange to her.

 

So, young guys often make the mistake of assuming a young gal is impressed with ultimate devotion to her. As her boyfriend so profoundly illustrates, this is likely not to be the case. but, if nothing else, he is a challange to her.

 

So, you should be getting a life that involves anything you enjoy, but particularly other girls. That way, if nothing else, you will be a challange to her.

[Lucasarts]

hrmmm

 

so you're pretty close to this gal...but ur a friend in her eyes

 

first: Do you want to try and win this girl over?

 

if you do, i would suggest trying to make her jealous of you. go out there and explore your options with as many hotties as you can. Then talk about your exploits to her saying how this girl affected you this way and that. Observing from your close relationship with her, you have to keep treating her as a friend.

 

Do you want to try and break off this crush?

 

simply Ice her. ignore her, block her from your buddy list via online chatting services (aim, msn). when you see her just say hi and nothing more. make it so god damn awkward that she wants to scream. oh and get laid by some hot girls in college.seriously. stop dicking around wit this woman.

[Greg25]

I think the basic problem here is one sided love; while in your eyes her b/f may well be a 'waste of space', in her eyes he is still the man she loves. Love works in quirky ways, and it makes people in love see things in each other that other people don't. I think if we all nitpicked our partners rationally and tallied their flaws, without love, no-one would get intimate and have sex and children; love is basically nature's way of overriding our sense and reason and making sure we pair up with at least someone, and continuing the species. She won't be able to enter into another relationship until she is over this fellow, as she has pretty much made plain to you already.

 

Heartbreaking as it is, you have to let her go and move on and give your love to someone who wants it, not to someone whose heart already belongs to someone else.