Not sure if I love my girlfriend anymore?

[fluffy_pancake]

So this has been heavy on me the last few months: I don’t think I love my girlfriend anymore. At least not the way I used to. We’ve been dating 6 years (it’ll be 7 this November) and recently I’ve found myself repulsed by her physical affection and sexual attempts. At the end of the day I don’t feel romantically attracted to her anymore and the more I look into our history the more I’m thinking it was never romantic on my part at all. Weve been best friends since the 8th grade and I always remember feeling happy around her but I think it was more platonic than romantic? I’m just not sure anymore. At the end of day, I don’t want to hurt her by saying I don’t love her because that isn’t true but I also can’t see myself “dating” her anymore. Just the other day we were cuddling and I had to make the excuse to go to the bathroom because the cuddling made me almost sick to my stomach. But when I think about things like friends giving head scratches or something similar I’m all for it. So maybe it’s the romantic implication that ruins it for me? She is a very romantic and lovey person so I can’t just tell her to stop all of that because of me. Is it terrible of me to “breakup”with her but want to stay with her platonically? I just don’t see her being fully fulfilled with me and I know even if she wasn’t she wouldn’t break up with me (I’m the only long-term relationship she’s ever had and she’s explicitly told me she relies on me for a lot of emotional strength against her family (she is the oldest daughter of a Hispanic family so a lot expectations and responsibilities are put on her)). I’ve tried talking to her about this lightly but it’s always brushed off or she’ll say something to the effect of “oh me just knowing you LOVE love me is enough” (I’m not really sure what LOVE love is to her at this point…)

[Gebidozo]

You should tell her that you aren’t attracted to her romantically / sexually anymore. That’s the first thing that you should do, before you make any other decisions.

After you’ve sincerely told her that, she’ll probably make her own decision. She’ll either accept a sexless, non-romantic relationship, or break up with you.

Should she decide to stay with you, you might want to ask yourself whether you would accept being together with a person you don’t love romantically, aren’t attracted to, and even repulsed by the thought of having sex with her.

People are very different in that regard. All I can say is that to me personally, that would be an absolute deal breaker, and I don’t believe a nominally romantic relationship can survive without actual romance and physical intimacy.

I had a somewhat similar problem with one of my exes, the difference being the degree of the feeling. I was definitely not repulsed by our physical intimacy, I just wasn’t very enthusiastic about it. In retrospect, I’m certain she felt it. We were together seven years, and then she broke up with me and we both went pretty wild with other people. 

 

 

[d0nnivain]

6 hours ago, fluffy_pancake said:

. Is it terrible of me to “breakup”with her but want to stay with her platonically? 

If you are repulsed by her physically & sexually it is terrible of you to stay with her.  She deserves a partner who thinks she is amazing. 

It's not terrible of you to want to stay connected to someone you have known since the 8th grade but it's not possible or fair.  Once you break up she will need the space & distance of NC to heal.  Your presence, your voice, memories of you will all be painful.  Don't be cruel & selfish by trying to force a friendship on her.   You are already going to hurt her.  Do not rub salt in that wound.  

It's like dieting.  When you need to lose weight you get the fattening foods out of the house.  You don't put a chocolate cake on the counter & torture yourself by not having any.  An EX is the cake.  The dumpee needs you out of sight to get you out of mind. 

[glows]

Is there someone else you’re attracted to? How do you go from 6 years dating in a sexual relationship to flat out negative or repulsed feelings? Were there also any major shifts or changes in your lives? 

Regardless of the reason you know it’s either 1) get to the bottom of it and repair your issues or 2) recognize that this isn’t working and break it off asap. 

I don’t believe anyone should rely on someone that much emotionally and maybe her family tensions have caused you to feel sick towards her. If she has no control over her personal issues or emotions on a daily basis for ie or having regular meltdowns or blow ups that’s a sign this isn’t a healthy place for you and she’s not solving her issues in a healthy way. 

[ExpatInItaly]

You need to kindly and respectfully end it with her. 

She deserves someone who isn't sickened by her attempts to be intimate, and you should be with someone you are actually romantically attracted to. Don't try to keep her in your life platonically, either. That's not a reasonable or fair expectation to have of her, since it will surely be too painful for her to be friends when she wants more. You need to be prepared to let her go completely so you can both move on. 

Please don't tell her you aren't attracted to her anymore when you break up with her. That will crush her and could do long-term emotional damage. Be gentle and explain that you don't see a future together and need to let each other go.