Having a relationship with someone with limited emotional capacity

[Tennisnonpro1223]

 I posted before about my “relationship” for years with a guy who moved from East Coast to California away from his wife & kids just to get more money/prestige for himself bevause he says he’s selfish & didn’t feel anything even though they cried/begged him not to go. I feel (and he’s said) like I’m one of the only people who can get through to him at times or cause him to feel anything. I’m aware he’s likely a poor choice in most people’s eyes. But If (due to my own emotional quirks/limits) I decide I want to keep going, does anyone have experience with someone who’s avoidant like this, even calls himself a sociopath? What would make it successful, just accepting him as he is, reassuring him I’d give space? He says what really freaks him out is someone expecting things of him, bc then he’ll disappoint.

[Alpacalia]

Why on earth would you want to knowingly enter a “relationship” with someone you describe as a “sociopath”?

You seem to be asking people here to help support unhealthy obsession with this person. From your last post, he didn’t move away from his family *just* for the money. He stated several times that he *does not care* that his family was upset about it. AND he apparently has “no remorse” about it.

From your OP in the other thread, he’s refused any kind of therapy or anything to get actual help apparently. And so, you “want to make it work”, even though you know better???

Errrr…. kick that clown to the curb. You already know all that you need to know about him. Follow your own instincts.

[Tennisnonpro1223]

Just now, Alpacalia said:

 

You seem to be asking people here to help support unhealthy obsession with this person. From your last post, he didn’t move away from his family *just* for the money. He stated several times that he *does not care* that his family was upset about it. AND he apparently has “no remorse” about it.

 

Yes, I wrote in my post here that he’d left them coldly bc he just didn’t care about anyone but himself. But I derive  pleasure from this relationship, feel special and chosen whenever he is attentive to me, and feel more comfortable w his dysfunction than having someone who wants true emotional intimacy from me all the time. That’s why I’ve chosen to try to proceed & make it as good as I can

[Alpacalia]

So you're saying you are not strong enough to accept and act on reality and would rather live in fantasy land. The only thing I can say is you and he will have a lot of competition, in your specialness to him since I believe he's emotionally stunted.

 

[basil67]

I can't begin to imagine what it would take to make a good relationship with a self proclaimed sociopath

[NuevoYorko]

Are you planning to continue to subject your child to your efforts to have a relationship with a sociopath?  Certainly you realize that a sociopath, by definition, does not accept or adhere to society's norms.  They would not be safe adults to have around children.  This is okay by you?

Also, do your ongoing relationship plans include continuing you to harass this loser's wife and ex girlfriend, as well as exposing your own child to abuse?

Edited April 14 by NuevoYorko

[Gebidozo]

OP, why you keep asking the same people the same question, knowing what answers you’re going to get?

Are you looking for someone to condone your obsession? Someone to validate and legitimize your obviously unhealthy, harmful relationship with a toxic person?

You aren’t going to find that here. People on LS give brutally honest, realistic advice based on the information you give them, without caring whether you like it or not. 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

13 hours ago, Tennisnonpro1223 said:

does anyone have experience with someone who’s avoidant like this, even calls himself a sociopath?

Yup. 

13 hours ago, Tennisnonpro1223 said:

What would make it successful,

Nothing. 

It's always going to be crap. So, if you stay, understand that you are signing up for crap. You can't make this better so please be realistic about your expectations. It will always suck.