Attempt at Round Two?

[WorldTraveler]

Not sure if this is part of our story or not, but my last relationship ended almost three years ago. We dated for three years, she and I were perfect for each other and had what I truly believe to be a once in a lifetime connection. The compatibility and love we shared was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. We would finish each other's sentences, our humor was always on the same page, held the same beliefs and identities, and at the end of the day, everything just made sense because we understood each other on such a deeper level. Towards the end, we had to transition to long distance, which we did for about a year before breaking up. I wasn't in a good spot mentally, and wasn't able to give her what she needed nor deserved. I was heading off to grad school and knew that we wouldn't last throughout its entirety with the current state of our relationship so we mutually decided to end it and go our separate ways. Aside from all that was great in our relationship, there were two rather large elephants in the room that I'd have to overcome for a future together. Those two things being that she was living in a city that was not one I enjoy and there was no telling how long she desired to live there as she always said how she would never leave as that's where her family is. The other rather large thing was that one of her siblings has an intellectual disability and as her parents are getting older, within the next few decades, she will become the sole caregiver where her sibling would eventually move in and live with her. I struggled with both of these as while I could make living in her city work for a few years it's certainly not where I want to live and raise a family. The sibling becoming a live-in sibling was a lot harder for me to envision as I wasn't sure I would want to take on that responsibility and provide that level of care for the rest of my life. And at first, I really beat myself up for being unsure if I could manage this as it made me feel like a heartless person who was unable to accept my ex for who she is. 

Fast forward three years later, and I just had my first interaction with my ex as we were both in the wedding of one of our mutual friends and it was the first time we would see each other since the breakup. The anger and hurt were now gone and I was interested to see how our interaction would go now that we've both had so much time apart to work on ourselves and grow separately apart. About a week before the wedding, I found out she recently broke up with her boyfriend and was now single and looking forward to seeing me. I saw her for the first time and after a few hours interacting together, it was clear that it was as if we just picked up right where we left off. Nothing had changed and it was a little surprising at first at how easy things were. But things were always easy between us so this made perfect sense. We ended up spending the next two days together, catching up after not speaking in almost three years. At first it was fine, but by the second day I started getting sad and every time I'd look at her, I would start crying knowing that I would have to leave soon. It was like all these emotions that I thought I had dealt with kept coming to the surface leaving both me and her very confused. I truly feel like she's my person, and we left each other not knowing what the future held, but said that we both needed time to sift through these emotions and untangle this mess. I'm not sure where we go from here but it was a pretty surreal experience as I thought that we would simply see each other, catch up and that be the end of it. But now here I am questioning what this all means and where we go from here. Because the reality of it all is that the two things remain the same - her sibling needing the care, and her lack of desire to leave her hometown. I question if now I'm able to appreciate what we share more than I was three years ago and if now I'd be able to overlook those things if it meant a future with her. After dating for three years after her, I've ended up meeting nice women, but no one has compared in terms of compatibility. It truly makes me feel like this is one of those rare, once in a lifetime connections. And if I don't end up with her it's something that I will always reflect on and potentially be chasing and who knows if I would ever find something comparable. Long story short, I'm not sure if this kind of interaction was meant to happen, but I'm just sort of taking it day by day to see how I feel once the emotions settle. Curious to hear stories of those rekindling after years apart and how things fared. 

[Gebidozo]

I’m pretty sure you’re going to get different advices for this one, but, for what it’s worth, my advice is go for it.

Get back together with the woman you so obviously love and who makes you feel like no one else. Love and happiness together will help you overcome life’s hurdles.

I’ve got just the story for you, my own recent story.

More than three years ago, I met a wonderful woman and we instantly felt a very strong mutual attraction. I was with someone else back then and I decided to stay with my then-GF. I broke off all contact with the woman I was falling in love with.

For almost two years, we had zero contact with each other. My relationship with my then-GF gradually deteriorated, and we eventually broke up. I decided to leave the city we were all living in. But then I thought I couldn’t leave without apologizing to that woman for the hurt I’ve caused her. So I contacted her, and we set up a meeting.

The moment I saw her, all my long-repressed feelings for her gushed back. We hugged, and I realize at that moment that she was feeling the same way. 

We are engaged now, hoping to get married some time in the future.

It wasn’t easy to overcome all the difficulties we had to face, and are still facing. She had to make a tough choice between her ex, who wanted very much to be back with her, and me. Her parents still don’t accept me and want her to be with her ex, who is like a son to them. We both have troubled pasts. We have diametrically opposed attachment styles and are naturally advancing in relationships at very different speeds. We belong to different races and cultures. I’m 18 years older than her.

But we’re making it work. You guys can do it too. It’s going to be tough, sure. But going through tough times with someone you truly love is better than having a comfortable life with anyone else.