Is she interested?

[kurd0g]

I (20, male) work a part time job at a bar. There is this coworker that I am talking about here, let's call her Mia. We see each other maybe 2-3 times a week.

I always found her attractive, very attractive. We've always got along quite well. But I was not always paying attention to this, because the first year I worked there I was still with my ex. Last autumn she broke up with me and the winter season started, where Mia stopped working at the bar. Now more than half a year later, she started working here again and I recently changed my style, new hair cut, beard and clothing etc.

When she saw me the first time like that I jokingly winked at her and her response was "Do that again and I will throw myself all over you", she told me several times how good I look and from there on, everytime we saw each other our conversation were flirty. Or at least that is how I intepret it.

You need to know that I can be very silly and I joke around sexually with a few of my male coworkers, for example touching their waste and they start moaning like idiots. This might sound stupid, but the environment at the bar is not really strict but rather like a living room, it is just a chill place and my boss is also relaxed and makes stupid jokes all the time. That is why I can be like that. Does not mean I do not work hard when it is needed, but when the bar is not completely full, we have time to fool around like that and it's just us having a little fun, let's phrase it that way. I bet it is not the first time you hear dudes doing silly stuff like that.

With Mia it's actually a little different, she's a women, which is why I do not make jokes like that with her, it can easily be seen as harassment, I know that. But I feel a lot of tension between us.

She would randomly ask me if I would be with her if she wasn't so "messed up" (her words). Or making comments about how funny of a couple we would be.

I know I know I know how idiotic and childish this sounds, but just see it as some dudes messing around. Today I acted like I would lick my hand and jerk one my male coworkers off (I know), Mia saw this and said "I thought the hand would be for me". I felt the tension again and thought, f*ck it. I leaned over to her and whispered in her ear "Don't worry, Saturday", she looked surpised and started stuttering something.

Saturday is where we will be working together at the bar for the first time, she always worked as a waiter and when she found out earlier today, she was excited and told me about it. Even when she left today, she made a kiss mouth and said "Until Saturday." It kinda drives me crazy, because she is so hot.

So, she is flirting with me right? Is all that flirting? I am actually new to dating and talking to women, I got with my ex when I was 17 and never dated actually. Wouldn't be the first time I thought someone is showing interest and then dump me when I ask them out.

If she is flirting, do you think I should engage?

[Maldives]

8 minutes ago, kurd0g said:

I (20, male) work a part time job at a bar. There is this coworker that I am talking about here, let's call her Mia. We see each other maybe 2-3 times a week.

I always found her attractive, very attractive. We've always got along quite well. But I was not always paying attention to this, because the first year I worked there I was still with my ex. Last autumn she broke up with me and the winter season started, where Mia stopped working at the bar. Now more than half a year later, she started working here again and I recently changed my style, new hair cut, beard and clothing etc.

When she saw me the first time like that I jokingly winked at her and her response was "Do that again and I will throw myself all over you", she told me several times how good I look and from there on, everytime we saw each other our conversation were flirty. Or at least that is how I intepret it.

You need to know that I can be very silly and I joke around sexually with a few of my male coworkers, for example touching their waste and they start moaning like idiots. This might sound stupid, but the environment at the bar is not really strict but rather like a living room, it is just a chill place and my boss is also relaxed and makes stupid jokes all the time. That is why I can be like that. Does not mean I do not work hard when it is needed, but when the bar is not completely full, we have time to fool around like that and it's just us having a little fun, let's phrase it that way. I bet it is not the first time you hear dudes doing silly stuff like that.

With Mia it's actually a little different, she's a women, which is why I do not make jokes like that with her, it can easily be seen as harassment, I know that. But I feel a lot of tension between us.

She would randomly ask me if I would be with her if she wasn't so "messed up" (her words). Or making comments about how funny of a couple we would be.

I know I know I know how idiotic and childish this sounds, but just see it as some dudes messing around. Today I acted like I would lick my hand and jerk one my male coworkers off (I know), Mia saw this and said "I thought the hand would be for me". I felt the tension again and thought, f*ck it. I leaned over to her and whispered in her ear "Don't worry, Saturday", she looked surpised and started stuttering something.

Saturday is where we will be working together at the bar for the first time, she always worked as a waiter and when she found out earlier today, she was excited and told me about it. Even when she left today, she made a kiss mouth and said "Until Saturday." It kinda drives me crazy, because she is so hot.

So, she is flirting with me right? Is all that flirting? I am actually new to dating and talking to women, I got with my ex when I was 17 and never dated actually. Wouldn't be the first time I thought someone is showing interest and then dump me when I ask them out.

If she is flirting, do you think I should engage?

Ye she's flirting and yes go for it ask her out 

[Alpacalia]

You're both flirting but I think she sees you as the hot bartender right now, not as a real boyfriend prospect. Whether or not that will change eventually, I have no clue. You should probably ask her out and make it clear you're asking her on a date and not just asking her to be at the bar when you're working.

 

Edited April 17, 2024 by Alpacalia

[d0nnivain]

You work in a bar.  The strict no dating co-workers "rules" don't really apply in hospitality 

Hopefully the gang will all go out after work.  Then you can see where you stand.  

[smackie9]

Did you not already ask her out and she waffled on ya?

[Versacehottie]

Yes she is definitely flirting. I'd be a touch wary of her saying she is "messed up" and that SHE is leading with more s*xual stuff with you (i get it a lot of guys are like that and some women--but I usually think if a woman is relationship-minded she might do that a tiny bit but the overwhelming percentage will be other connecting and flirting in general.  Idk maybe you aren't looking for a relationship yourself...but in that case (including with her "i'm messed up" comment), you need to consider what it would be like if you hook up, or are sort of dating but then it doesn't work out & you are in each other's work environment. That could suck. Especially with someone that already calls herself "messed up". I tend to think people do that to a)lower your expectations overall b)prime you with a blanket EXCUSE they can use for any/every future issue in a one-sided way c)a warning to let you know what their headspace is like. 

Secondly I'm just of the feeling that if someone tells you they are "broken" in some way like that it can come off self-deprecating or humble but it serves you the best to make them get their sh*t together if they want to date you/rise up to your healthy emotional level, versus, you accepting their not so great level, which then makes them see you as "less than" and often sets you lip for some bad treatment from that person--who won't respect you/value you, People are most appreciative of those who they feel are a prize to obtain their attention and so when someone says "i'm damaged" and you still go for them, most often those same people de-value you for having accepted them as they are. Not saying that people need to be perfect but when someone leads with that or when you mention it as one of THE salient emotional/connection points you have vs the sexual chemistry, I'd watch out. Lol but then you are both around 20 so maybe she has watched one too many shows/movies and thinks that is what she is supposed to say to be cool in some way.   

idk, i think you can absolutely move forward and she will respond positively. That said, for your own sake, i'd recommend dragging out the flirtation a bit longer so you can see what she would really be like in a dating situation. I don't think it ever hurts to drag it out a bit because if anything the bond will be strong when you finally get together. Ok good  luck