I there a chance my ex come back to me

[wawa2001]

Hello everyone  sorry for my bad english, so i've been in a long distance relationship for 6 months with a Fa girl , i'm a big anxious guy. she was living in paris and had some psychiatric problems to cause her to take some antidepressant medecin and other things. we had the most beautiful 4 first month of relationship, for me it was my first relationship, not for her she was 28 yo, 5 years older than me and just came back from a 5y on and off relationship.

she was afraid of traveling and i made her travel a lot, in austria, france, went to event with her, i was complimenting , supporting her in her project, for her fears and anxieties ,she gave me all the love i wanted and i was really happy, and she even told me she never had such a good relationship before. but then she started questionning our proximity , we were spending all our times together on internet when i was in an other country and irl, it activated my anxieties and the last two month i complained 2 times that i thought that she was getting cold. this made her cry both times and went back with me after just 2 days of ghosting each time. during the last 3 weeks of our relationship. she wanted a break because of a depressive time that made her question her feelings, with undetermined time or rules,and it was hard for me , i couldnt kept myself from sending some message during the break because we were so close the first months but 1 week later she came back to me and 2 days later she needed some more space to deal with her feelings for me ( she wasnt sure of her feelings again ).

i became so anxious day 5 of the second break that i started spaming her an evening to come and talk to me to fix the problem, that i didnt liked the fact she was not responding to my messages, that we should maybe break up ( she didnt said that we should go no contact during this break) it triggered her and wanted to break with me saying i needed therapy and she is not totally faulse, i struggle containing my feelings, she asked for 1 more week of no contact but i couldnt keep myself to send a supportive message 2 days laters , as i always did previously, and she decided to block me everywhere, im the first one of her ex that she blocks like that. it was my first ever relationship and i didnt knew about attachment theroy, now all make sense to be honnest. so my question is , she was really angry that i couldnt respect her limits and keep her alone , but she know for my anxious side and told me some times that if it became to hard she would come back to me when i would come back to france because long distance is one of the things taht stress me. this time she said nothing after the last message except "its too much , i must block you''. and all her friends also blocked me even if i never sent message to them. i know she has still feelings for me , we had an intense relationship and some disputs beginning to appear 30-40 days before the block. and everything went worse and worse the last 2 weeks. do you think she would come back to me in the futur ? even to be friends ? the fact that she also told her friends to block me is a really bad sign i guess. she didnt blocked my friends.

 

i put so much effort in thie relationship, helping her, dealing with her condition, loving her so much, the break up is really really hard to the point my anxiety dont allow me to eat for like 4 days

Edited April 18 by wawa2001

[wawa2001]

sorry for edit: i learnt 1 month ago that i was HIP,  and even with therapy sometimes i struggle to control my thoughts and things can become extremly overwhelming, i know i had an abusive episode at the end of the relationship that absolutely doesnt represent me, i was caring nice and full of hapiness, and she complimented me foro that in the firt 2/3 of the relationship, i just couldnt stand the distance at the end , i couldnt stop myself to send 1 message a day. some of her worryings were that i overthinked a lot, that she feeled overanalyzed and i know she is right, we talked a lot about this during the last 2 months and started to se a therapist to deal with my anxieties and thoughts.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, wawa2001 said:

i know i had an abusive episode at the end of the relationship

Can you clarify what you mean by this?

 

[wawa2001]

i'm referring to this sentence "became so anxious day 5 of the second break that i started spaming her an evening to come and talk to me to fix the problem, that i didnt liked the fact she was not responding to my messages, that we should maybe break up". sorry i just saw that being abusive means physicaly, i was the most sweet person when i was with her, problems and anxieties only occured when we were long distance. sorry for my bad english, im french
 

Edited April 18 by wawa2001

[wawa2001]

19 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Can you clarify what you mean by this?

 

sorry forgot to quote you

[ExpatInItaly]

It sounds like your emotions got the best of you, and while you should have regulated yourself more, it wasn't what ended this relationship. 

I don't think this relationship was meant to last. It became too fraught with issues and deteriorated quickly. It is going to be best for you to work on accepting it's over. 

[d0nnivain]

You are broken up.  Even though this was your 1st relationship, it won't be your last.  Do yourself a huge favor & date locally next time.  LDRs are hard.  When you have anxiety LDRs are even tougher because they require so much trust & patience.  

You had fun.  It's over.  The distance won.  

Grieve the loss but go NC & focus on your healing.  Keep busy.  In time the acute feelings of pain & loss will subside.  In the short term, take care of yourself.  Eat.  If you are not in therapy for your anxiety, start  

[Gebidozo]

This relationship is over. Don’t attempt to contact her, focus on other aspects of your life, and hang in there. It’s going to be tough, but eventually the grief will pass.

Now, please allow a fellow anxious attacher to give you a few tips for your future relationships.

1) If you’re with a distant attacher, always respect their wishes for space. Space for them is like contact for us, it calms them down and reassures them.

2) Do everything you can to not be in a long-distance relationship next time. Anxious attachers like you should avoid those like the plague.

3) Understand that overanalyzing genuinely stresses out people who are more intuitive. The worst thing you could do when having problems with such a person is bombard them with “logical analysis” and assorted inquisition techniques.

4) Never beg a woman to “at least be friends” after a breakup. This will make her disrespect you, because it is a sign of you losing your integrity and selfishly giving in to your anxieties in an attempt to feel less lonely. 

[glows]

21 hours ago, wawa2001 said:

sorry for edit: i learnt 1 month ago that i was HIP,  and even with therapy sometimes i struggle to control my thoughts and things can become extremly overwhelming, i know i had an abusive episode at the end of the relationship that absolutely doesnt represent me, i was caring nice and full of hapiness, and she complimented me foro that in the firt 2/3 of the relationship, i just couldnt stand the distance at the end , i couldnt stop myself to send 1 message a day. some of her worryings were that i overthinked a lot, that she feeled overanalyzed and i know she is right, we talked a lot about this during the last 2 months and started to se a therapist to deal with my anxieties and thoughts.

What is HIP? 
she questioned her feelings for you way before this. And she also has issues. Plus this was long distance. How was this going to continue? 

[wawa2001]

4 hours ago, glows said:

What is HIP? 
she questioned her feelings for you way before this. And she also has issues. Plus this was long distance. How was this going to continue? 

Hip means high intellectual potential. I have an iq > 135 and a different way of thinking basically, that can be seen as overanalyzing even if i dont put much effort in it

[wawa2001]

5 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

This relationship is over. Don’t attempt to contact her, focus on other aspects of your life, and hang in there. It’s going to be tough, but eventually the grief will pass.

Now, please allow a fellow anxious attacher to give you a few tips for your future relationships.

1) If you’re with a distant attacher, always respect their wishes for space. Space for them is like contact for us, it calms them down and reassures them.

2) Do everything you can to not be in a long-distance relationship next time. Anxious attachers like you should avoid those like the plague.

3) Understand that overanalyzing genuinely stresses out people who are more intuitive. The worst thing you could do when having problems with such a person is bombard them with “logical analysis” and assorted inquisition techniques.

4) Never beg a woman to “at least be friends” after a breakup. This will make her disrespect you, because it is a sign of you losing your integrity and selfishly giving in to your anxieties in an attempt to feel less lonely. 

Hey i'm french like her too, i was in austria for an internship. I just have 2 months left to stay there. We were staying together 1 week every month and everything was perfect, without anxiety, with lot of fun. Last time i've seen her is 4 weeks ago. But this time distance really ruined everything. Me and her mother telling her thzt all was fine and that just distance caused all of this only seemed to make her feel even worse. She also said 2 weeks ago that maybe we should start again when i will be in france again but we had a final disput and i ve been blocked ...

Im already starting to feel better. I can relax some hours in the day now and started to eat again