About 7 years later.

[Orokotikki]

Hi.  I don't know how much I posted about my specific situation in the past but I'm just trying vent and I guess this is about the only place I can.

I was the BH, my wife had a short lived affair (PA) that started around this time of year in 2017 and it ran for a little less than 6 months.

It was with a former partner she had had a drug based BF/GF relationship years before and was fairly abusive both sexually and psychologically.

I don't think we rugswept, but reconciliation was slow and not really satisfactory, but as satisfactory as I thought it would get.  We both did IC, I did IC for a bit longer than her but in 2019 I had a life threatening accident (which I recovered from fine after ~6 months of physical therapy).  At my IC suggestion we did Retrovaille and followed up on that for about I think a year right before the accident.

At the time of the accident I realized how important it was to me to tell her I forgive her and wanted her to know I loved her.  I never have been able to go a day without thinking about the affair, and still do, but with less emotion over time.

We tried for a long time and finally have a child in 2022 that we are absolutely in love with, and I love my wife even more nw seeing her be a great mother.

We had a mutual friend we used to hangout all together we went to school with and she was one of the very few friends I had support from during my wife's affair.

This friend I had some feelings for developed during wife's affair, so during our reconciliation my IC said point blank I had to cut all communication with her for my marriage (I assume out of fear of an RA).  So I did, we did it exactly how IC said and with total transparency.  Effectively I went ghost on them.

I check facebook less than maybe 10 times a year, but when I did this year she had unfriended me and it just TBH stings like hell.  We were real close the three of us in high school and would hangout like daily.  We haven't spoken in years, and it doesn't change anything day to day, but I guess I always thought if my wife cheated on me again, I could leave her and at least there was one woman in the world who wasn't repulsed by me and I could have had a shot at a relationship with.

Although I always knew even that much was a self-soothing lie as I could probably never trust anyone properly again, the way they deserve to be trusted.

Anyways I don't really want to talk to my wife about it but just needed to let it out.  It just seems like I somehow lost something to the affair again, 7 years later.

Thanks.

And respectfully I would prefer replies only from BH/BW.

[ExpatInItaly]

On 4/18/2024 at 8:14 AM, Orokotikki said:

I would prefer replies only from BH/BW.

OP, I get you wanted to hear from others in your shoes but when you automatically limit your audience like this, it follows that you might not get the responses you wanted.