Boyfriend wouldn't let me look through his phone

[18284728294]

 

Me and my boyfriend have been together just over 6 months. About a month ago some girl started following him and he liked one of her pictures so i pulled him up on it and he said shes a friend from college. Then the other day while he was asleep his phone kept going off so i just flicked through his notifications (hes changed his password recently) and there was dms from her on there liking messages he had sent, i woke him up and asked him to unlock his phone so i could see the messages and he got super defensive, i was begging him just asking to see for peace of mind as it was really bothering me, i didnt want his passcode nor would i ever go through his phone otherwise but he was more angry at the fact i looked on his phone and kept saying “im not showing you s**t you just dont trust me” and brought up the past where guys had messaged me before and he had never asked to look through my phone he “just trusted me” it got to the point where i left and he kept calling me and asking me to come back. I said id go back but he said not to bother if i was going to start about it again. Its been a few days and its still on my mind, the girl has also recently unfollowed him and i told him id ask her about it if he wouldnt tell me. And he just said “you just dont trust me then” and then was spamming me with calls and messages. Is this something i should be concerned about

[basil67]

He's absolutely right: you don't trust him.  Whether or not he deserves your trust is something we cannot say. 

At this point you have two choices: either keep the relationship and respect his privacy or end it.  

[Gebidozo]

You should definitely be concerned about your disrespectful behavior towards your BF, which stems from lack of trust and confidence on your side.

Peeking at a person’s private correspondence and then disturbing their sleep in an attempt to fix your insecurity issues is a sure way to push them further away from you. Is that what you want?

 

[Sony12]

You two have only been dating for six months. He indeed doesn't need to show you anything if he doesn't want to. If you are that insecure about your two's relationship to where you are going to get upset over a few social media likes it's probably best if you stop seeing each other anyways. It doesn't sound like a very solid relationship.

And please don't go after this young lady for her liking a guys social media activity. You are just going give the impression of someone who has some jealousy issues.

Edited April 19 by Sony12

[BaileyB]

If you don’t trust your boyfriend if six months you need to break up with him, not search his phone for “peace of mind.” 

[Sony12]

Hmmm. The TC's name suddenly changed. Also believe their age changed as well. Before they were 18-24 whereas now they are 25-34.

[glows]

Is this a pattern? You both text and message people of the opposite sex but don’t trust each other? Why the need to see the messages? I don’t understand this.

Second, what was he texting you and spamming you with lately? What is he saying now? Same thing over and over again that you don’t trust him? 

 

[d0nnivain]

12 hours ago, 18284728294 said:

. Is this something i should be concerned about

Yes, you need to be very concerned about your behavior.  You freaking woke him up to demand that he let you look through his phone.  That is not normal.  It's invasive.  It's impolite.  It screams insecure.  

I'll grant you that all these messages from some girl seem like a lot & I understand your suspicions but the way you are handling this is over the top.  It's one thing to say in a calm moment, "Hey I'm feeling jealous & insecure about [girl].   Can I meet her?"  or ask if there is anything he's willing to do to address your concerns but you don't wake somebody up & demand to get to look through their phone.  

[Lotsgoingon]

You skipped a step. You don't ask someone to show you their phone messages. 

You FIRST say something like "Hey, I'm noticing you're getting a lot of notifications all of a sudden. Is this something I need to worry about?" You express your concern. 

Look, the police don't say "show me your phone from Thursday night" if there is something they suspect you of. They simply ask, "where were you Thursday night?" And that's the police! The people whose job it is to be suspicious--they don't immediately ask for someone to show their phone. 

Now after you ask a gentle question, then you pay attention to his response and how his response feels to you. You pay attention to the words and the tone and his body language and you check to see if you feel reassured. If not, you bring this up again later, but from your view. "I'm feeling a little scared here that someone might be coming at you." 

I would bring a relationship to an immediate halt if someone acted like you did. And it would be halted I get reassured that my partner isn't paranoid and distrusting before I would go on. Now the bigger question is: have there been other signs that made you suspicious. If there are multiple signs that blatantly warrant suspicion, then even in that case, your bring up your feelings, not demand that he show you his phone.

You basically said to him, "prove to me that you're not cheating." Lose this technique sister. This will scare away any guy who has some self confidence and self respect---and rightfully so. 

 

Edited April 19 by Lotsgoingon

[stillafool]

I don't blame your bf for being upset.  I can't imagine someone waking me out of my sleep and demanding I show them my private information.  Yes break up because you don't trust him and there is no relationship without trust.

[ShyViolet]

If you even need to be searching through your bf's phone then you are with the wrong person.  You are insecure and you don't trust him.  Whether that is actually justified, there's no way for us to know that.  But after only 6 months, if this relationship has this problem already then you shouldn't be with him.