I know he's lying but can't seem to end it

[Not herself]

I have been seeing someone for a few of months now. He has said he hasn't seen anyone else for a year but I don't believe him. There have been so many red flags, his answers to them are not believable but I feel bad for not trusting him, but stupid for not listening to my gut! I am hoping someone can knock some sense into me.

He moved back to the area and we started seeing each other straight away.  One day he accidentally sent me a whats up of him face timing another women. Someone we went to school with. He said he was asking about a dentist form he needed to fill in. He also had deleted really quickly. She commented on a tik tok of his, he deleted the comment and she asked why? He deleted that to but I didn't get a decent answer why. So I as I have my suspicions, I admit i have been a bit of a stalker on the socials. I noticed two weeks ago they had both unfollowed each other. He said this was because he was giving her advice and she wouldn't take it and got angry with him with the advise he gave. Now, sounds believable, however she then started sharing videos that people post when they are angry when a relationship ends. (Her marriage ended last year but there were none like this prior to this falling out) and he posted one similar... again not something he usually does. We went away together a week ago, his alarm went off at 5am, he didn't wake so I got up to swith it off. There were message popped up from 3 different women.I didn't go in to read them all but could see the start. The one from the women I had concerns about just said too late.

One other I can't remember it all but did comment about that's he's been out for a long time. It's the first day we were away. I had told him that I had seen one message from the first woman I spoke about not the others. suddenly he mentioned this other girl twice saying he messages his friends girl , me and his son. Now I have no problem him messaging or having friends who are girls. I just think it is strange he suddenly started mentioning her.

The third women, was asking where he lived..there was something else but I can't remember. I didn't ask him.

So on top of this he has a problem down below. We are still very physical with each other.  Just before we went away he said he was going to the doctor to discuss the problem and get some viagra. He told me he got 2 to take with us for when we went away. Knowing this when I saw the box in the bin and it said 4 on a pack. It got my suspicions up again. So I looked in the pack ( knowing by now that he talks the talk that I need to be armed with as much info as possible? The plastic packaging was empty that would of contained 4. So I though maybe he put them in a pot. Nope, when we were away there were 2 in the pack and 2 empty ones. When I asked him about this, he said he gives them to a Friend. His friend doesn't come up much and I am pretty sure he didn't see him after he got this pack. I asked why the plastic packaging is empty and why he wouldn't just give them in that and he said he puts them in a baggy. I question if he has had a pack previously why give them away and not use them with me previously. 

Now moving on to photos of particular parts of the anatomy. He sent me 2 pics. I noticed one was taken before he moved back to the are due to the back ground. Before we were together. I told him I didn't appreciate a pic of him in that state which would of been for someone else. ( bare in mind he's apparently not Been interested in any prior!!) He's comeback was he is proud of his body and he likes to take photos of himself.  I think this is b.s to. He said men who send this pics are perverts and he dies agree with them yet he he seems okay sending them to me.

Nearer the start of the relationship we would message and I noticed a pattern that he wouldn't reply after 9ish and reply about 3 . So in-between the school run when a mum may have time on her hand. This has dwindled and especially in the last 2 weeks he messages me alot more frequently.  ( I would like to mention he is currently not working after moving to the area) This could be me overthinking.

He also NEVER answers his phone when he is with me. That last 2 times since we come back from our trip away he's not even had it in sight. The last night in the hotel I noticed he had switched it off! 

Now I think I find it hard because we talk openly..I tell him my insecurities , we disciss them, we don't argue. But I can't say these answers he gives satisy me. I love being with him, and the way he makes me feel about myself and us. He says he can see a future with me . However people can be very clever with words and believable, I want to trust him and believe him but my gut is telling me something different.  I don't want to ruin a relationship because of my trust issues and insecurities...but I don't want to be taken for a mug either. 

 

 

 

 

[d0nnivain]

There's a difference between being insecure & being with an untrustworthy partner. How is your gut?  Is it generally trustworthy or do you have a history of being overly suspicious?  If your instincts are good, why aren't you listening to them?  

You will end it when you want to.  For now being with him despite all the bad stuff is better in your eyes then being alone.  

[Lotsgoingon]

4 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

There's a difference between being insecure & being with an untrustworthy partner. How is your gut?  Is it generally trustworthy or do you have a history of being overly suspicious?  If your instincts are good, why aren't you listening to them?  

Golden wisdom right here! 

[Alpacalia]

Meh, you wouldn't be the first person to ask this!!  But if anyone can knock some sense into you it's the lovely people on the dating advice board! 

With that said, let's break down the red flags.

He accidentally sent you a photo of him FaceTiming another woman, he's deleted questionable comments and unfollowed her on social media, his alarm went off at 5am with messages from 3 different women, he mentioned messaging a specific female friend twice, there were only 2 instead of 4 Viagra pills in a pack he claimed to have, he sent a photo of his anatomy that was taken before you were together, he doesn't answer his phone when he's with you, and he's suddenly messaging you more frequently now that he's not working.

Sweetie, these aren't insecurities or trust issues, these are legitimate red flags.  He pacifies and answers the questions you ask him but you're not stupid, there is absolutely something not right here. You also mention that his answers don’t satisfy you -- and that’s because they’re not satisfying answers.

Edited April 20 by Alpacalia

[Gaeta]

I have been in your shoes: The phone turned face down, never picking up a call in front of me unless it's his boss, accidently seeing strange notifications on his phone or pc and then him giving me half explanations of what those were but never actually showing me what they were. And I beleived him because he loved me so much and was such a good boyfriend. Turns out he was cheating on me with several women. 

I was 5 years in this relationship, you're only a few months in, get out. You don't want to invest 2-3-4-5 years in the wrong man thinking you're building a life with him when in reality you're just his stable spot while he's having his fun elsewhere. 

Now, let me share with you what an honest boyfriend does when you question his phone notifications. I have been dating a man for 2 years now. He was showing me something on his phone when suddely a heart notification appeared. I said to my bf: I feel terrible for asking you this, I do trust you, but what was that heart notification? He openned the application, showed me what it was, the like came from his coworker and the like before from his daughter. They were likes from tiktok. Him and his 16 yo do all the danse challenges on tiktok.  He then told me: When something like this troubles you do not ever hesitate to ask me. I will always be an open book to you. 

[stillafool]

You know he's lying and cheating.  The question is what are you going to do?

[ExpatInItaly]

Are you hoping someone here will tell you it is just to your insecurity, so you can give yourself permission to stay with him? 

Because that is unlikely to happen. You are seeing enormous red flags. You've resorted to policing his social media and picking used pill packages out of the trash. This is your cue that you need to get out. This is not what decent relationships look like.