There are only very few fights, but they are nasty

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, brokenbird said:

Well, my country is a whole *ss caos, so I cant really answer this. We dont respect laws like they do for example in the USA. Here kids start to drink alcohol at 13, have sex at 14-15. That is why I was scared to write down the "16-19" stuff, because here is is quite average. 

You obviously don't know very much about the US, because they do the same things and worse here.

3 minutes ago, brokenbird said:

Yes, I know. My boyfriend used to watch one that was all nature aside from her lips. But very fake ones too. He watched both amateur and unbelievably fake porn too, where you rather laugh at the facial expressions than find pleasure in it. The only thing that is the same for him in porn and reality is hair colour, he says he doesnt have a preference, but is is obviously brown and long. He just says that so I can colour my hair anything I want, but its obvious that he prefers my original long and brown hair. That pornstar he watched looked like that too. 

I also see guys being into the "porn lips", because women with huge lips look good while giving oral, but they dont want their girl to actually overfill their lips

You know very little about men.

[brokenbird]

Just now, stillafool said:

You obviously don't know very much about the US, because they do the same things and worse here.

That is probably true. I just say what I read,never been there.

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

You know very little about men.

Thats what Im saying 😃 That I just dont understand how they work. My boyfriend never tells me what to wear, but he is honest if I ask him. He would tell me something looks slutty. He doesnt prefer ne wearing that, but he wont tell me not to. Yet its fine if a pornstar looks like that. I know its obvious that you dont want your partner to be looked at as a sexual object, but then why like it yourself,on the screen, when you dont want it in real life

[Gaeta]

41 minutes ago, brokenbird said:

I know its obvious that you dont want your partner to be looked at as a sexual object, but then why like it yourself, on the screen, when you dont want it in real life

Because men/human beings are much more complexed than that.

Men can be aroused my a multitude of looks that they would not want in their girlfriend. That's why we said guys like variety. The same man can find attractive in the same day a bimbo, an older woman, a soccer mom, a big woman, a short or tall one, a blond or a brunette. What's the statistic?...  a man has 17 sexual thoughts a day, that means he has a sexual thought about women he comes across everywhere, in the metro, grocery store, at the dry cleaner, at work. Their brain is set up that way. 

Edited May 9 by Gaeta

[brokenbird]

29 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

man has 17 sexual thoughts a day,

That is the only thing I would argue with from the things you said above. This depends pretty much on the personality. Sometimes I get home, try to be all lovey dovey and ask if he is in the mood and his answer is "to be honest babe, today all I could think about was how I will fix that dent on the car". I believe their moods van swing just like women's whether they are ovulating or on their period, etc. Last week he didn't even want to think about sex, this week he made an appointment with me each day.Although Im sure this was not the point of your reply. 

On a different ask/answer place I have read about a 50 year old woman's advice to a girl. She added something along the lines, saying that the reason she wouldnt date a man who looks at certain categories of porn is not because they are bad, but because if the man were interested in that stuff, that would tell something about his overall personality which she wouldnt like. I have thought about that, and placed that mindset onto the topic we just talked about. What does it say about a man's personality if he can get aroused by seeing such fake women, too? When I hear a guy saying that he likes natural women, I believe that he values women for themeselves, but when I see that a guy has a "normal looking" gf and then jacks off to not just natural pornstars but also very superficial ones, that makes me think how their personality traits align

[Gaeta]

1 minute ago, brokenbird said:

This depends pretty much on the personality

It's not about personality. It's about science. You know what science is? Science is gathering and analyze of facts that have been collected by people with PhDs in sexuality, hundreds and hundreds of highly educated scientists that have collected facts about thousands and thousands of men over the years. And with these facts they have published scientific articles in medical database. 

Having a sexual thought is not the same as acting on it. A man can have 17 sexual thoughts in a day and be too tired for sex at night. Two complete separate action here. 

[Gaeta]

Again, 3rd time I am suggesting this. Stop looking at social media to compare your boyfriend to others or yourself to others and 'educate' yourself. When I say 'educate' yourself I mean start reading real studies on men, done by real scientific teams. 

[brokenbird]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

It's not about personality. It's about science. You know what science is? Science is gathering and analyze of facts that have been collected by people with PhDs in sexuality, hundreds and hundreds of highly educated scientists that have collected facts about thousands and thousands of men over the years. And with these facts they have published scientific articles in medical database. 

Having a sexual thought is not the same as acting on it. A man can have 17 sexual thoughts in a day and be too tired for sex at night. Two complete separate action here. 

That is correct, but there is a thing called lying. I just watched a video 2 days ago how researchers try a new technique where they also use those devices reading the brain, because many people turned out to be lying during answering questions. Its infuriating that I dont remember what the article was about, but I have read one about women, and out of the 20 points only one was true for me. Those are only the people that answer questions. There is a layer that never took part in those researches. I believe most of it is true, but they can also vary from one person to another. They also say that 70 percent of people cheat. That should mean that at least one person from my 11 friends is a cheater. There was also one about people with relationship OCD, I should be a cheater by now and I am not. That is why I dont like the saying that a man will cheat if he marries his first love. If he is not the kind of person that can look in the mirror after f-ing a random colleague while his wife's at home, he wont do it. If he is the type to cheat, he will do it even if he had 23 partners. I am a very sexual person,I can get frustrated if I cant be intimate with my boyfriend for a longer period of time. People would assume that if I get attention from another man and I hadnt been effed lately, I would cheat. Yet I cant even imagine cheating.

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, brokenbird said:

I know its obvious that you dont want your partner to be looked at as a sexual object, but then why like it yourself,on the screen, when you dont want it in real life

Well, he is ok with viewing some other women as sexual objects, but not with you being viewed as such, since you are his GF, his woman. That’s just (stereo)typical male behavior.

Seriously, OP, sometimes I wonder whether you know much about men. 

[brokenbird]

Just now, Gebidozo said:

Well, he is ok with viewing some other women as sexual objects, but not with you being viewed as such, since you are his GF, his woman. That’s just (stereo)typical male behavior.

Seriously, OP, sometimes I wonder whether you know much about men. 

I admitted I dont understand a single thing about them 😭

[Gebidozo]

3 minutes ago, brokenbird said:

I admitted I dont understand a single thing about them 😭

Then just trust your man, relax, and release your grip on him. You don’t have to understand everything in order to trust and respect a person. I already told you that you’re hyper-rational. You try too much to fit the world in general, and your BF in particular, into tight, rigid, logical schemes. Romantic relationships just don’t work that way. At some point you’ll have to become humble and go all Socrates-like, “I know that I know nothing”.

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, brokenbird said:

Sometimes I get home, try to be all lovey dovey and ask if he is in the mood and his answer is "to be honest babe, today all I could think about was how I will fix that dent on the car".

 

1 hour ago, brokenbird said:

but there is a thing called lying.

 

[Gaeta]

 

1 hour ago, brokenbird said:

I just watched a video 2 days ago

 You are dismissing years of studies on the subject because you saw a video on youtube or god knows where 😲

I'm too stunned to say anything else. 

[NuevoYorko]

5 hours ago, brokenbird said:

I think lying is wrong. At least it feels wrong. I did it one time towards him and I felt shame, couldnt even hold it for a week. 

It is wrong. 

But you are not a trustworthy person.  You use what he tells you against him, to gain more footholds for your control over him.   You corner him repeatedly. He then has to make a choice whether to put himself, again, in an "unsafe" emotional place where he will be shamed and / or subjected to emotional acting out because of whatever (for example, "confessing" to unauthorized masturbation causing an unpleasant scene).  

You treat him like a bad parent treats their child, and this is how children learn how to lie.  

He will withdraw more and more.   You are feeling this already all the time and scrambling with desperation to regain control but he's going to turn into vapor.   Unless he  realizes that he needs to get out of this for his well being.  It doesn't seem likely that he will do this, as he doesn't seem to have the emotional wherewithal.  I hope I'm wrong.

 

[brokenbird]

8 minutes ago, stillafool said:

 

 

Come on, you told me to not view men as sexmachines. Yet you cant accept that there are days busy enough to not think about sex? Now that is also a weird mindset to have. 

 

4 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

 

 You are dismissing years of studies on the subject because you saw a video on youtube or god knows where 😲

I'm too stunned to say anything else. 

You shouldnt believe everything you read, just like you advised. There is no proof they are real. And you know, many people would stay away from helping with surveys. Those people might have different opinions from the ones that do help answer surveys. They also say that serial killers have the same thing going on inside their brains, a chemical imbalance. Yet there are those serial killers that do it for fun, because they are a fan of serial killers. If you read a research of OCD, Im sure I can debate whether its true for me or not. 

[brokenbird]

Just now, NuevoYorko said:

He will withdraw more and more.   You are feeling this already all the time and scrambling with desperation to regain control but he's going to turn into vapor.   

Weird of you to assume this when in fact he is getting closer and closer each day, hugging me more, talking to me more. Again, those research percentages dont work on me. 

 

2 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

You treat him like a bad parent treats their child, and this is how children learn how to lie.  

Ugh, that is why he lied from the first day even when he didn't even know how I acted in a relationship? I accept criticism, but not all of it, especially when he lied because he had learnt from his family that this is the only way of not having to be responsible for his actions. Its not on me , its on the parents who rather gave no damn about him than teach him to take responsibility and to have a voice

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, brokenbird said:

There is no proof they are real. And you know, many people would stay away from helping with surveys

Real researches are not surveys. 

[NuevoYorko]

2 minutes ago, brokenbird said:

You shouldnt believe everything you read, just like you advised. There is no proof they are real. 

😂 coming from the person who cites comments on a TikTok post made a completely ridiculous bozo of an "influencer" to support their opinions and positions on things.

News flash:  @Gaeta refers to "studies."  Not "surveys."  You don't seem to have much interest in the real world.     Regardless, there is indeed a profound amount of "proving" going on when speaking about peer reviewed studies.   They are not about OPINIONS.

[Els]

1 hour ago, brokenbird said:

On a different ask/answer place I have read about a 50 year old woman's advice to a girl. She added something along the lines, saying that the reason she wouldnt date a man who looks at certain categories of porn is not because they are bad, but because if the man were interested in that stuff, that would tell something about his overall personality which she wouldnt like. I have thought about that, and placed that mindset onto the topic we just talked about. What does it say about a man's personality if he can get aroused by seeing such fake women, too? When I hear a guy saying that he likes natural women, I believe that he values women for themeselves, but when I see that a guy has a "normal looking" gf and then jacks off to not just natural pornstars but also very superficial ones, that makes me think how their personality traits align

What someone finds sexually enjoyable or sexually attractive has nothing whatsoever to do with their personality, and most people find more than one trait sexually attractive.

While I agree that you don't seem to understand men, I think I would broaden the concept to "you don't seem to understand human nature or sexuality". Did you have an upbringing that taught you that sexuality is wrong or that you must only have a certain sexuality, etc? Have you ever taken the time to explore what YOU like sexually?

[brokenbird]

15 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

coming from the person who cites comments on a TikTok

And you said dont believe the internet, so Im doing that?

 

16 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

News flash:  @Gaeta refers to "studies

Do you understand what I wrote above? Let's walk it through. There are, let's say, seven thousand people standing in a room. They each have 1 opinion/1 experience. You, as a researcher, go and ask all of them to come and answer questions for your studies. Only two thousand and twenty five agree. You have four thousand nine hundred and seventy five people standing in the same room and they are not willing to help you. You got 2025 experiences when there were 7000 people. Do you believe it is accurate? No, its an average that can be a starting point for you to work with. What if the question was "do you like carrots?". From 2000 people, 1000 said yes and 1000 said no. That is 50% of people not liking carrots. But what if in that leftover 5000 people 3000 liked carrots and 2000 did not? That would be 4000/7000 people liking carrots and 3000/7000 not liking them. That is 58 percent of people liking carrots, and before it was only 50 because some people did not help you. You cant tell me that this is accurate. Accurate for the people that answered

[brokenbird]

1 minute ago, brokenbird said:

And you said dont believe the internet, so Im doing that?

 

Do you understand what I wrote above? Let's walk it through. There are, let's say, seven thousand people standing in a room. They each have 1 opinion/1 experience. You, as a researcher, go and ask all of them to come and answer questions for your studies. Only two thousand and twenty five agree. You have four thousand nine hundred and seventy five people standing in the same room and they are not willing to help you. You got 2025 experiences when there were 7000 people. Do you believe it is accurate? No, its an average that can be a starting point for you to work with. What if the question was "do you like carrots?". From 2000 people, 1000 said yes and 1000 said no. That is 50% of people not liking carrots. But what if in that leftover 5000 people 3000 liked carrots and 2000 did not? That would be 4000/7000 people liking carrots and 3000/7000 not liking them. That is 58 percent of people liking carrots, and before it was only 50 because some people did not help you. You cant tell me that this is accurate. Accurate for the people that answered

And you can say the same with millions of people. If you ask 18 million people for their opinion on war and you leave out the other 20 million which can easily have different opinions, its not accurate, again. Just because they are done by scientists, these are everyday people answering. You have to ask every single person for their own individual experience.

[Gaeta]

14 minutes ago, brokenbird said:

Let's walk it through. There are, let's say, seven thousand people standing in a room. They each have 1 opinion/1 experience.

You've just described what a survey is. Opinions are not part of studies. 

In short: 

My boyfriend is a medical researcher. He follows his subjects for years.  When my boyfriend retires another scientist will take over and continue following his same subjects. This has nothing to do with having 1000 person in a room answering questions on a given day.

My daughter has a friend who's part of a social study. He has been studied since his birth, he is now 35 years old and he is still part of that study. They have 35 years of data on him as a man who was born from an addict-mother. He will be part of that social study his entire life. 

[stillafool]

56 minutes ago, brokenbird said:

Come on, you told me to not view men as sexmachines. Yet you cant accept that there are days busy enough to not think about sex? Now that is also a weird mindset to have. 

 

Show me where I said that, you have me mixed up with someone else.  Yes men do have days when they don't think about sex with their partner, but it doesn't mean they aren't thinking about sex.

 

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, brokenbird said:

Come on, you told me to not view men as sexmachines. Yet you cant accept that there are days busy enough to not think about sex?

Everybody thinks about sex everyday - in some way or another. It’s human nature, we are all social and sexual beings. And young men are very sexual beings. 

Why do you argue against what should be very common sense - human nature.

Edited May 9 by BaileyB

[flitzanu]

this seems more simple.

29 minutes ago, brokenbird said:

 

brokenbird, how many times have you masturbated while in this relationship with this guy?

 

if the answer is greater than zero, then your entire argument is hypocritical.

have you told your boyfriend every single time you masturbate, and what you were looking at or thinking about?  every single time?  

again, if you haven't upheld your fantasy "standard" you have about him masturbating to porn, then your argument is about control and not about morality.

[brokenbird]

56 minutes ago, Els said:

Did you have an upbringing that taught you that sexuality is wrong

Yes. And therefore I had to hide it. I was curious at a very early age and I remember liking many shameful sides of porn. All legal, but I did not find them healthy. Older men also treated me inappropriately so this topic in itself is very hard for me to talk about.

9 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

They have 35 years of data on him as a man who was born from an addict-mother. He will be part of that social study his entire life. 

I see but if they studied a different individual with the same kind of mother, the results might turn out different. Because people have their own personalities which are not only formed by their surroundings.

9 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Show me where I said that, you have me mixed up with someone else.  Yes men do have days when they don't think about sex with their partner, but it doesn't mean they aren't thinking about sex.

 

I think that went to NuevoYorko. If I scroll back up, what I wrote will disappear so Im not sure. Someone said he lied if he said he didn't think about sex at all. 

9 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Everybody thinks about sex everyday - in some way or another. It’s human nature, we are all social and sexual beings. And young men are very sexual beings. 

Why do you argue against what should be very common sense - human nature.

I am a very sexual minded person and if I have a busy day where I cant even catch myself, I dont think about sex