theoneandonly12 Posted April 22 Share Posted April 22 My gf and I have been dating for a bit. We both in our early 30s. Recently she dropped some big news on me. She broke up with her ex bf awhile back. He ended up moving back to his home country. Her ex is close with her family and apparently his VISA is going to expire soon. Her mom who is a bit toxic told him that she can stay at his ex gf place to get his life in order and get his VISA renewed because if he lets it expire it will take forever to get it back. Now my gf is entertaining the idea because she feels pretty guilty. He has done a lot for her and she feels like she owes him. On my end I don't feel comfortable with it. I told her straight up if he lives at your place I want to break up. I asked her why she can't get him a hotel and its because he most likely won't come back to the USA then. I told her hes not going to be at her place for only 1 or 2 days. Its going to be months. He doesn't have much going on for him here he has no place to live he has no job or education. You most likely won't kick him to the curb. She wanted me to give her advice she says she feels she has no choice. I said its not my place to tell you what to do. You are a grown woman. There is always a choice. I didn't want to give her advice and kept quiet for a bit but eventually I told her she can't let people dictate how to live her life. Told her her mom is toxic and she will always control you and her ex bf that you don't owe him anything. You guys are broken up for awhile now. She saying she so confused doesn't know what to do. I told her I want to break up until she makes her decision. Saying if the shoe was on the other foot and my ex gf lived in my apartment you wouldn't be okay with it. No self respecting person would sign up for this. She then tries to gas light me saying you don't care about me much huh? And why is it so easy for you to break up? Says I didn't have to tell you any of this you could never know. I said its not easy. I been through something like this before. Did I make the right decision? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 22 Share Posted April 22 24 minutes ago, theoneandonly12 said: eventually I told her she can't let people dictate how to live her life. Sorry, but I am calling BS that this was all mom's idea. I would bet the farm your girlfriend decided this together with her ex, but blames her mom so she doesn't have to take full accountability. 25 minutes ago, theoneandonly12 said: And why is it so easy for you to break up? Because no man with any respect for himself would be fine with her plan. 25 minutes ago, theoneandonly12 said: Says I didn't have to tell you any of this you could never know Pfft. Please. That right there is good enough reason to get rid of this woman. She thinks you are dumb enough not to figure out that her ex is coming to live with her, and that she can manipulate you. You absolutely made the right choice dumping her. She is not relationship material, and not only because her ex is coming to stay with her. Find a woman of higher value. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 22 Share Posted April 22 (edited) You were a rebound from this guy. She wants him back. You were correct to end this relationship because she was never all in with you to start. If she truly loved & cared about you letting him live with her would not have been a thought. Edited April 22 by d0nnivain Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted April 22 Share Posted April 22 10 hours ago, theoneandonly12 said: She saying she so confused doesn't know what to do. If a woman in her 30s can't run her own life as an adult and can't make her own decisions, and would let her mom control her life like this and get her into this crazy situation, then you definitely shouldn't be in a relationship with her. You 100% made the right decision to break up with her, and you really need to leave this relationship in the past. If she honestly doesn't see what's wrong with this then she is not mature enough to be dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author theoneandonly12 Posted April 22 Author Share Posted April 22 33 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: If a woman in her 30s can't run her own life as an adult and can't make her own decisions, and would let her mom control her life like this and get her into this crazy situation, then you definitely shouldn't be in a relationship with her. You 100% made the right decision to break up with her, and you really need to leave this relationship in the past. If she honestly doesn't see what's wrong with this then she is not mature enough to be dating. yeah thats what I told her. She said she will figure it out give her sometime like a week. I said it will never end your mom will always tell you what to do and you will always feel indebted to your ex bf. It won't be last favor. I just told her until then I don't want to be in any part of it. We breaking up and I will keep my distance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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