Dating in the 90's

[deniselorae]

I have been dating the same person for 1 1/2 years. We were having problems with him coming and going as he pleased or at least it seemed like. Mostly he would say he was coming for dinner and then not show because he was drinking or call when he had been drinking and say he would be there at a certain time and still not show or even be later than he said. I got tired of it and we broke up. We stayed apart for 2 months. After him begging and pleading and saying how dumb he was and would not do it again and so on and how he had learned and how much he missed me, you guessed it! We got back together. Everything was great, we both felt more of a bond and more love than before. Until last night, after work he sat with the people he was working with and was suppose to be over for dinner. He called and said he was still there. Dejavue. He said he would be home in a little bit. This was now 8:30pm. 9:20 I called and he was still there. I became angry and said I am not doing this all over again. I told him to just stay there. He said he would be leaving soon. He never left and never called. My question to the guys and girls: Am I making too much of this?, and would this upset you?

[dave]

The least I can do is to give you some perspective from a guys point of view.

 

Guys by their very nature are mischevious sorts, give 'em and inch...you know the story, however the majority of men still yearn for the womb, its a constant battle to become the independent ground breaker which is man,yet in our sad moments we still need the affection which only a loved one can provide, ie you. I would not make too much of this time issue, I would ask in a respectful way that makes him realize that he should be respectful back that dinner will be on the table at 7:00pm and you would like his presence. If you make an issue of what many men consider to be trivial (even though we know its not) we tend to buck the system, relax hes missing dinner, it could be worse.

 

FYI find book in your local bookstore called the 'Celestine Prophecies'by James Rendfield, it tells you all sorts about dealing with peoples personalities and how to understand them.

 

Hope this helps a little

 

Dave

[Loke]

No way. I would not take it. I myself would get very upset that the situation is happening all over again. It's like the guy has no respect to even call you back and feels like he can do anything he pleases. He's a flake.

 

On the other hand, if you still want to work it out I think you should sit down with him and have a serious talk about his behavior and how he needs to respect you.

 

Hope it works out for you.

[Ryan]

I have been dating the same person for 1

1/2 years. We were having problems with him coming and going as he pleased or at least it seemed like. Mostly he would say he was coming for dinner and then not show because he was drinking or call when he had been drinking and say he would be there at a certain time and still not show or even be later than he said. I got tired of it and we broke up. We stayed apart for 2 months. After him begging and pleading and saying how dumb he was and would not do it again and so on and how he had learned and how much he missed me, you guessed it! We got back together. Everything was great, we both felt more of a bond and more love than before. Until last night, after work he sat with the people he was working with and was suppose to be over for dinner. He called and said he was still there. Dejavue. He said he would be home in a little bit. This was now 8:30pm. 9:20 I called and he was still there. I became angry and said I am not doing this all over again. I told him to just stay there. He said he would be leaving soon. He never left and never called. My question to the guys and girls: Am I making too much of this?, and would this upset you?

I think you are treating it quite reasonably. This illustrates exactly what happens when people move in and out of a relationship like this. Is 2 months really a period of time where a person can make meaningful change and growth? I don't think so, particularly in these situations. Thus, you have the exact same relationship you did before. You told him what needed to be done to keep the relationship working, he didn't compensate. End of story.

[odyne]

After reading your post I got to thinking about the situation, personally that would bother me. But the fact that you said these lapses of his happen when he is drinking might be something to look at. I'm not saying to jump to conclusions, or that this is even very probable. It just seems like a pattern you might want to watch. Is he caring and considerate otherwise? Alcohol does change people's personalities, and it is possible something like that is the case here. It's not an excuse, but if it turns out to be part of the issue, it's something you might want to acknowledge. You know this guy better than all of us, if you think it is just general inconsideration and you don't feel loved, why stay in the relationship?

 

Hope it works out for you, just remember there is a difference between compromising and settling.

 

-Odyne