Feeling Overlooked: Wife Prioritizes Parents Over Us During My Paternity Leave—Is This Fair?

[Long_Relief_22]

I'm currently dealing with some marital issues centered around my wife's prioritization of her parents over our family. My belief is that the needs of our children should come first, followed by our spouse, and then extended family. However, my wife often puts her parents' needs above mine, which has been a point of contention. Recently, during my paternity leave, she planned a spontaneous road trip to visit her parents for a week; therefore taking our daughter and leaving me alone for a week. Our relationship with her parents is strained due to her parents lack of boundaries and poor behavior during a recent visit. Rather than apologize for the behavior and move forward, they are avoiding me and asking my wife to travel during this time of rest and recovery.

Moreover, she took our car for the trip, leaving me stranded at home. Fortunately, a friend was able to visit me on short notice to keep me company. Despite trying to remain understanding and consider that the birth of our child might be overwhelming for her, I'm quite upset and feel neglected. Adding to the strain, she had emphasized the importance of me being available during paternity leave to support her recovery. She even suggested that I should either plan a last-minute trip of my own or find someone who could drop everything to come and keep me company. This feels inconsiderate and almost cruel to me.

I'm seeking some perspective: Would you find this situation acceptable? How would you handle it?

[basil67]

I've just refreshed my memory by reading your previous thread.  This isn't about your wife having a break with her parents without you, or the priority of needs of each person in the family circle, and it's not about whether it's acceptable or fair, and it's not about you having no transport.   Instead, this is about your wife having one foot out the door.  Make no mistake, she isn't having a small break with her parents - she is reconsidering the marriage.   I don't say this lightly - her comment about choosing her parents over you spoke volumes.

Where to go from here?  I guess that depends on how out of character your wife's current behavour is and whether or not you are both willing to do marriage therapy.  Of course, if your wife's behaviour is very out of character, it could be due to her being post partum, but unfortunately she'd have to accept that this is the case and seek help for any change to happen.

What was your marriage like before baby was born?  Was it easy and calm?  Or complicated?

I'm sorry this is happening to you

Edited April 25 by basil67

[d0nnivain]

This is your other thread repackaged with some new details but it's the same issue.  My mother-in-law lashed out and is destroying my marriage - Marriage and Life Partnerships - LoveShack.org

Your wife is immature.  She is leaning on mom & dad when she should be leaning on you.  Why did she take the kid if you were home on paternity leave?  There is no sense in you wasting time off if the baby is not there.  She is depriving you of time to bond with your child. 

Her parents also need to have the good sense to send her back to you, but they are too selfish or self absorbed to do that. 

You & your wife would do well to get MC. If you don't you will get a divorce.  

 

[BaileyB]

9 hours ago, Long_Relief_22 said:

Fortunately, a friend was able to visit me on short notice to keep me company.

Why do you need a friend to stay with you and keep you company when your wife goes to visit her parents? 

For myself and my partner, we enjoy the time we get alone when the other is away for a few days. Same for my friends, our partner’s are able to entertain themselves when we go on girls trips. If she is away for a week, surely you can cook for yourself, you can spend more time engaging in your own interests/activities (that perhaps your wife does not enjoy), or spend some time catching up with friends? It’s only a week…