Julia728 Posted April 27 Share Posted April 27 Hi Everyone! I've just joined here & just wanted to share what I've been going through. I'm 44 and my boyfriend is 32. He's wonderful and unlike any man I've ever met or dated. We have such a wonderful time. He's very emotionally mature. I've just been thinking lately.... Can we really last? Or are we just having fun and enjoying each other's company? At times, I feel like I should just let him go because perhaps he could meet someone younger that can have children and he could start a family with. At this age, I don't want children. I don't want to rob him of that opportunity ... Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 27 Share Posted April 27 Why don’t you just tell him what you just said here and see what he says. If you have what did he say? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Oldenuff2know Posted April 27 Share Posted April 27 My oldest is 41 and often dates younger guys. She tells them right out of the gate that she does not want children. A lot of younger people today (my three daughters included) are opting not to have children. He might be on the same page as you. As long as you are honest with him, then he can make the decision whether he wants to stay or look for someone who wants a family. Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted April 27 Share Posted April 27 (edited) Women dating younger men has become increasingly common these days and especially so within the OLD world. As someone who dates older women myself these younger guys are fully aware of the situation regarding kids. Most of the time when they freely choose to get involved with an older woman having kids isn't the most important thing to him. Having the kind of chemistry that they tend to get with an older woman is more important to them than having a kid. So if you are enjoying the experience just continue to enjoy it for as long as it lasts. And if it eventually fizzles out then so be it. And 12 years really isn't that big of an age gap as there are women going out with men 20 to 30 years younger than them. Edited April 27 by Sony12 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Julia728 Posted April 27 Author Share Posted April 27 1 hour ago, glows said: Why don’t you just tell him what you just said here and see what he says. If you have what did he say? He said he doesn't care about age. He just wants to be with me. I'm thinking He feels like that now....but what about a couple years down road.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Julia728 Posted April 27 Author Share Posted April 27 1 hour ago, Oldenuff2know said: My oldest is 41 and often dates younger guys. She tells them right out of the gate that she does not want children. A lot of younger people today (my three daughters included) are opting not to have children. He might be on the same page as you. As long as you are honest with him, then he can make the decision whether he wants to stay or look for someone who wants a family. Thank you for your reply 😊 I am honest and he says it doesn't matter. He just wants to be with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Julia728 Posted April 27 Author Share Posted April 27 58 minutes ago, Sony12 said: Women dating younger men has become increasingly common these days and especially so within the OLD world. As someone who dates older women myself these younger guys are fully aware of the situation regarding kids. Most of the time when they freely choose to get involved with an older woman having kids isn't the most important thing to him. Having the kind of chemistry that they tend to get with an older woman is more important to them than having a kid. So if you are enjoying the experience just continue to enjoy it for as long as it lasts. And if it eventually fizzles out then so be it. And 12 years really isn't that big of an age gap as there are women going out with men 20 to 30 years younger than them. Thanks for your reply! We do have amazing chemistry. I suppose I use the age difference to talk myself out of this being a good thing....when I should just be enjoying it! Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted April 27 Share Posted April 27 4 minutes ago, Julia728 said: He said he doesn't care about age. He just wants to be with me. I'm thinking He feels like that now....but what about a couple years down road.... Don't worry about a couple years from now. Unless you two have mutually decided to become more serious just enjoy the way things are now. Have you ever dated anyone younger before? The majority of the time older woman/younger man pairings don't turn into anything extremely serious. It's usually more about the chemistry that you described in your post. If a long-term serious relationship is what you are after then it maybe better for you to date someone more your own age. But that would be what you are looking for and not necessarily what he is. He seems content with the current situation (which most younger men are). Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted April 27 Share Posted April 27 1 minute ago, Julia728 said: Thanks for your reply! We do have amazing chemistry. I suppose I use the age difference to talk myself out of this being a good thing....when I should just be enjoying it! Yep. Just enjoy the chemistry while it is still as good as it is. Chances are you two won't be getting extremely serious anyways so just enjoy having a little fun with a hot young guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Julia728 Posted April 27 Author Share Posted April 27 1 minute ago, Sony12 said: Don't worry about a couple years from now. Unless you two have mutually decided to become more serious just enjoy the way things are now. Have you ever dated anyone younger before? The majority of the time older woman/younger man pairings don't turn into anything extremely serious. It's usually more about the chemistry that you described in your post. If a long-term serious relationship is what you are after then it maybe better for you to date someone more your own age. But that would be what you are looking for and not necessarily what he is. He seems content with the current situation (which most younger men are). I've never dated anyone yonger before. He says he wants to be together long term and has even asked about living together... I can't imagine not being around him or ever talking to him again. He's honestly my best friend. But you're right....these things never usually turn into anything serious. Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted April 27 Share Posted April 27 1 minute ago, Julia728 said: I've never dated anyone yonger before. He says he wants to be together long term and has even asked about living together... I can't imagine not being around him or ever talking to him again. He's honestly my best friend. But you're right....these things never usually turn into anything serious. How long have you two been dating? The way you are talking about the situation it sounds like it is still in the beginning phase where the attraction is still through the roof. No I wouldn't move in with him. That would likely ruin what you two have going right now real quick. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted April 27 Share Posted April 27 Technically you could meet someone closer to your age and it ends anyway. I don’t understand why you’re so insecure about this unless you have specific reasons such as differences in lifestyle, schedules, goals, values and so on. When assessing whether age is a dealbreaker you’re really determining the above^ and whether there is conflict between the two of you. Im guessing there is something really bothering you under the surface and its differences in beliefs. Something about him is causing you to not believe what he’s saying. Has the relationship moved too fast? Why is he saying he wants to move in? Is he a bum? Cannot support himself? Please make sure you cover your bases and if you’re not sure talk with trusted friends and family. And also if you’re embarrassed or avoiding being public about your romance that’s a red flag and you know it’s not fair to either of you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted April 27 Share Posted April 27 Yes hopefully this guy isn't just looking for a lady who will let him live with her rent free because he knows she likes looking at him naked. Some guys will try that. If this guy doesn't have a stable job and he is trying to move in with you then drop him. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 27 Share Posted April 27 Are you happy in this relationship, OP? It sounds like you have doubts that he is right for you, but you're instead trying to decide what is right for him. Sometimes we do this when we're not being honest with ourselves that something isn't working for us. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 27 Share Posted April 27 10 hours ago, Julia728 said: I feel like I should just let him go because perhaps he could meet someone younger that can have children and he could start a family with. At this age, I don't want children. I don't want to rob him of that opportunity ... He may not want children. Talk to him about what he wants. Do not rob him of the choice. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted April 27 Share Posted April 27 10 hours ago, Julia728 said: Can we really last? Or are we just having fun and enjoying each other's company? These two things aren’t mutually exclusive. How long have you been together? 10 hours ago, Julia728 said: At times, I feel like I should just let him go because perhaps he could meet someone younger that can have children and he could start a family with. At this age, I don't want children. I don't want to rob him of that opportunity ... There are always risks in any relationship now. He might not want kids but change over the course of a decade and decide he wants them later. People change. I mean you’re not far from menopause - perhaps your sex drive vanishes and the chemistry you feel with a younger man is rendered meaningless. All sorts of possible future scenarios we can be anxious about if we choose to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 27 Share Posted April 27 I know a few couples around me that the lady is older by 10+ years and they have been together for many years and happy. I myself date someone 8 years younger and we don't feel the difference. It's not something we think about. I like what @Weezy1973says, we cannot predict the future, even if my bf is younger he may pass before me or be inflicted with a illness before me. It's not like you're 23. You're in your 40s and his 30s, you've had relationships before. You both know what you want when you come across it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Julia728 Posted April 27 Author Share Posted April 27 10 hours ago, Sony12 said: How long have you two been dating? The way you are talking about the situation it sounds like it is still in the beginning phase where the attraction is still through the roof. No I wouldn't move in with him. That would likely ruin what you two have going right now real quick. 2½ months ... not long at all. I have no plans to move in with him. Another twist to this story is that I don't think his parents want him to continue dating me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Julia728 Posted April 27 Author Share Posted April 27 10 hours ago, Sony12 said: How long have you two been dating? The way you are talking about the situation it sounds like it is still in the beginning phase where the attraction is still through the roof. No I wouldn't move in with him. That would likely ruin what you two have going right now real quick. Not long, only 2½ months. I have no plans to move in with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted April 27 Share Posted April 27 3 minutes ago, Julia728 said: 2½ months ... not long at all. I have no plans to move in with him. Another twist to this story is that I don't think his parents want him to continue dating me. Ok it's too soon then for you to be fretting about it. Just enjoy the time while it is going good. Things will play out naturally whether it is meant to be more serious or not. And he is in his 30's. He is old enough to date who he wants to date. His mom can give her opinion but unless he is dating serial killers he should still date who he is interested in. It's not like he is dating someone his mom's age or anything. When I was in my late 20's/early 30's I was involved with a lady in her 50's who had kids older than me. As long as you two aren't doing anything illegal you are fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Julia728 Posted April 27 Author Share Posted April 27 9 hours ago, glows said: Technically you could meet someone closer to your age and it ends anyway. I don’t understand why you’re so insecure about this unless you have specific reasons such as differences in lifestyle, schedules, goals, values and so on. When assessing whether age is a dealbreaker you’re really determining the above^ and whether there is conflict between the two of you. Im guessing there is something really bothering you under the surface and its differences in beliefs. Something about him is causing you to not believe what he’s saying. Has the relationship moved too fast? Why is he saying he wants to move in? Is he a bum? Cannot support himself? Please make sure you cover your bases and if you’re not sure talk with trusted friends and family. And also if you’re embarrassed or avoiding being public about your romance that’s a red flag and you know it’s not fair to either of you. Thank you for ur reply. I appreciate it so much. You are absolutely right. I met a guy last year....he was 52. Semi retired and had a great career and did well for himself. Had 2 grown children. But I couldn't stand talking with him for more than ½ an hour... I never thought in a million years that I'd ever date again. I was single and celibate for almost 7 years. Much less dating a younger guy, so this has all been a lot for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted April 27 Share Posted April 27 2 minutes ago, Julia728 said: Thank you for ur reply. I appreciate it so much. You are absolutely right. I met a guy last year....he was 52. Semi retired and had a great career and did well for himself. Had 2 grown children. But I couldn't stand talking with him for more than ½ an hour... I never thought in a million years that I'd ever date again. I was single and celibate for almost 7 years. Much less dating a younger guy, so this has all been a lot for me. You were celibate for 7 years? Ok then don't confuse just enjoying getting laid by a good looking younger man with anything more serious than that. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 27 Share Posted April 27 16 minutes ago, Julia728 said: 2½ months ... not long at all. I have no plans to move in with him. Another twist to this story is that I don't think his parents want him to continue dating me. How do you know this to be true? My husband is 7 years younger than me and it's never been a problem. We've been married 23 years and it's still going strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Julia728 Posted April 27 Author Share Posted April 27 30 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I know a few couples around me that the lady is older by 10+ years and they have been together for many years and happy. I myself date someone 8 years younger and we don't feel the difference. It's not something we think about. I like what @Weezy1973says, we cannot predict the future, even if my bf is younger he may pass before me or be inflicted with a illness before me. It's not like you're 23. You're in your 40s and his 30s, you've had relationships before. You both know what you want when you come across it. Thank you Gaeta! You are so right. I'll just relax & enjoy the time with him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted April 27 Share Posted April 27 (edited) 2 minutes ago, Julia728 said: Thank you Gaeta! You are so right. I'll just relax & enjoy the time with him. Call him up and invite him over for a boring movie that you will watch for about ten minutes. Edited April 27 by Sony12 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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