Author Julia728 Posted April 27 Author Share Posted April 27 11 minutes ago, Sony12 said: You were celibate for 7 years? Ok then don't confuse just enjoying getting laid by a good looking younger man with anything more serious than that. I honestly thought that's what it was & I was fine with it. But it's turned into more and that had me concerned...but thanks to everyone's replies, I'll just enjoy & see what happens .. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted April 27 Share Posted April 27 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Julia728 said: I honestly thought that's what it was & I was fine with it. But it's turned into more and that had me concerned...but thanks to everyone's replies, I'll just enjoy & see what happens .. Good deal. By the way up to this point you haven't mentioned anything about your kids. Do you have any kids of your own? If not you simply might just be finding yourself to be more compatible with other people who also don't have kids. Edited April 27 by Sony12 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Julia728 Posted April 27 Author Share Posted April 27 1 minute ago, Sony12 said: Good deal. By the way up to this point you haven't mentioned anything about your kids. Do you have any kids of your own? If not you simply might just be finding yourself to be more compatible with other people who also don't have kids. No, I don't have any kids & I was never married. I was in 2 long term relationships that ended years ago. And I took a VERY LONG break from dating. You're right Sony! That other guy I mentioned...he would have been perfect on paper. But I couldn't stand chatting with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted April 27 Share Posted April 27 1 hour ago, Julia728 said: 2½ months ... not long at all. Way too early to be thinking about all this stuff. You barely know each other! Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 27 Share Posted April 27 IMO it's never too early to talk about future expectations. I never wanted to get married or have kids. I learned that this was very important to bring up when getting involved with someone because it wasn't the norm. Now this guy may only be looking for something short term, so it's better to get things aligned instead of getting hurt. I suspect you OP you are starting to catch feelings? So ya approach it whenever you want but the age thing will always be the elephant in the room...especially when friends and family from both sides start asking questions. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Julia728 Posted April 27 Author Share Posted April 27 37 minutes ago, smackie9 said: IMO it's never too early to talk about future expectations. I never wanted to get married or have kids. I learned that this was very important to bring up when getting involved with someone because it wasn't the norm. Now this guy may only be looking for something short term, so it's better to get things aligned instead of getting hurt. I suspect you OP you are starting to catch feelings? So ya approach it whenever you want but the age thing will always be the elephant in the room...especially when friends and family from both sides start asking questions. I was actually the one looking for /thought this would be short term. And he really has been talking about the future and perhaps moving in together next year. And because we get along so well & can talk about anything. I can honestly tell him anything, he's the only man to ever make me feel that safe. I've definitely caught feelings & more. I'm just going to enjoy this relationship...I believe people meet for a reason, a season or a lifetime. And let's see where this goes.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Julia728 Posted April 27 Author Share Posted April 27 4 hours ago, Sony12 said: Call him up and invite him over for a boring movie that you will watch for about ten minutes. 🤭🤭 ur right about that Gaeta...our chemistry is off the charts! Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted April 27 Share Posted April 27 17 hours ago, Julia728 said: Can we really last? Or are we just having fun and enjoying each other's company? At times, I feel like I should just let him go because perhaps he could meet someone younger that can have children and he could start a family with. At this age, I don't want children. I don't want to rob him of that opportunity ... If he has said that he wants to be with you long term, then he must not be interested in having children. If he wanted to have children he would be looking for a younger woman who is of child bearing age. You are not "robbing" him of the opportunity. Can you consider that not everyone needs or wants to have kids? What makes you think that he's not capable of making that decision for himself? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted April 28 Share Posted April 28 Don't sabotage this thing just because you're worried that he can't possibly want to be with you long term. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted April 28 Share Posted April 28 On 4/27/2024 at 12:07 AM, Julia728 said: He said he doesn't care about age. He just wants to be with me. I'm thinking He feels like that now....but what about a couple years down road.... That’s the big unknown….. my cousin who is a couple years younger than me got married to a guy about 10+ yrs younger than her and I think it played a major factor in their divorce around children.land marry someone younger than him. why do you think guys your sge/ older are an issue in dating? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Julia728 Posted April 28 Author Share Posted April 28 4 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said: Don't sabotage this thing just because you're worried that he can't possibly want to be with you long term. Wow thanks for that comment... I felt like I was totally sabotaging a good thing. But after talking with a couple friends and the comments on here, it's helped me so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Julia728 Posted April 28 Author Share Posted April 28 9 hours ago, ShyViolet said: If he has said that he wants to be with you long term, then he must not be interested in having children. If he wanted to have children he would be looking for a younger woman who is of child bearing age. You are not "robbing" him of the opportunity. Can you consider that not everyone needs or wants to have kids? What makes you think that he's not capable of making that decision for himself? Thanks for your comment🙂 You're absolutely right. I was deciding for him and that wasn't right. I told him that I wanted him to have a family more than ever and I care about him so much that I'd let him go. We had a long talk about that... And he just assured me that he only cares about us. And whatever the future has in the cards for us... we'll deal with that when the time comes. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted April 28 Share Posted April 28 You need to ask him about wanting kids. Now. Before you carry on. Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted April 28 Share Posted April 28 7 hours ago, Julia728 said: Thanks for your comment🙂 You're absolutely right. I was deciding for him and that wasn't right. I told him that I wanted him to have a family more than ever and I care about him so much that I'd let him go. We had a long talk about that... And he just assured me that he only cares about us. And whatever the future has in the cards for us... we'll deal with that when the time comes. That's great you two had that conversation. However you would probably need to have that conversation again once the thrill of having sex with one another wears off (sometimes that thrill wears off after just an encounter or two and sometimes it lasts much longer depending on the situation. He's of course going to tell you that when he is still having a lot of fun in the bedroom. So when the fireworks wear off and you two are mainly focusing on the real you's it might be good to come back to that. You might come to the same conclusion and you might not. Do you two have many meetups currently wear sex isn't involved? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 28 Share Posted April 28 (edited) 12 years is only a big issue if the younger person is 18 or close to that. At 32 and 44, you two are both mature adults, so the age doesn't really matter any longer. A 33-yo man has had more than enough life experience to decide who he wants to be with, and he wants to be with you. As long as you were honest with him about your age from the start, I'm not sure why you are having these concerns. He's presumably literate and therefore knows that 44-yo women can't easily have biological children. If this were in fact an issue for him, he would not be with you. Lots of people, including men and women of "childbearing age", don't want kids and don't intend to have kids ever. He may be one of us, or he may just not mind whether he does or not. Could he change his mind in the future? Sure, people can and do change their minds, but it goes either way. You can't live your life in fear of that - if everyone lived like that, NOBODY would have kids because they'd be afraid their partner would change their mind about wanting to be a parent after the kids were born... You can talk to him about how he feels about it if it would reassure you, but it sounds like you've already done that. It's just your insecurity talking now, and perhaps that might be better addressed with a therapist? Edited April 28 by Els 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Julia728 Posted April 28 Author Share Posted April 28 1 hour ago, Sony12 said: That's great you two had that conversation. However you would probably need to have that conversation again once the thrill of having sex with one another wears off (sometimes that thrill wears off after just an encounter or two and sometimes it lasts much longer depending on the situation. He's of course going to tell you that when he is still having a lot of fun in the bedroom. So when the fireworks wear off and you two are mainly focusing on the real you's it might be good to come back to that. You might come to the same conclusion and you might not. Do you two have many meetups currently wear sex isn't involved? No we don't. At the moment, my schedule is super busy. So we're only seeing each other once every 2 weeks. We're obviously all over each other when that does happen . But you're right. Let's see how the conversation goes when things aren't as hot & heavy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Julia728 Posted April 28 Author Share Posted April 28 19 minutes ago, Els said: 12 years is only a big issue if the younger person is 18 or close to that. At 32 and 44, you two are both mature adults, so the age doesn't really matter any longer. A 33-yo man has had more than enough life experience to decide who he wants to be with, and he wants to be with you. As long as you were honest with him about your age from the start, I'm not sure why you are having these concerns. He's presumably literate and therefore knows that 44-yo women can't easily have biological children. If this were in fact an issue for him, he would not be with you. Lots of people, including men and women of "childbearing age", don't want kids and don't intend to have kids ever. He may be one of us, or he may just not mind whether he does or not. Could he change his mind in the future? Sure, people can and do change their minds, but it goes either way. You can't live your life in fear of that - if everyone lived like that, NOBODY would have kids because they'd be afraid their partner would change their mind about wanting to be a parent after the kids were born... You can talk to him about how he feels about it if it would reassure you, but it sounds like you've already done that. It's just your insecurity talking now, and perhaps that might be better addressed with a therapist? Thank you for your reply. You are right. It was my own insecurities talking. I think speaking with a therapist would be really helpful. I've actually been considering it lately. Not just for my relationship with him, but other family issues. In the 1st month we started dating. I told him that 'this isn't going to work' & we barely talked and didn't see each other for almost 3 weeks. He called me every day, at every chance he got hoping I'd answer. I finally did, obviously. I just wanted to run.... But I realized how special he was & wanted to give him a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted April 28 Share Posted April 28 44 minutes ago, Julia728 said: Thank you for your reply. You are right. It was my own insecurities talking. I think speaking with a therapist would be really helpful. I've actually been considering it lately. Not just for my relationship with him, but other family issues. In the 1st month we started dating. I told him that 'this isn't going to work' & we barely talked and didn't see each other for almost 3 weeks. He called me every day, at every chance he got hoping I'd answer. I finally did, obviously. I just wanted to run.... But I realized how special he was & wanted to give him a chance. He called every day for three weeks even though you weren't that responsive to him? Well that kind of explains his 'let's move in together' comment. Definitely isn't the type of behavior guys who are playing the field have. Most of those guys will just call once (maybe twice) and if the lady doesn't show much interest by then they move on to someone else. So that makes sense then why he would be trying to hold onto the situation. Be careful though because feelings in these types of situations do tend to change very quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted April 28 Share Posted April 28 You are 44. Once you hit the mid 30s range (for women), you start to date some guys who are younger. Fact. Once you start doing this, it's not about age - it's about if this is the right person for you. My bf is 7 years younger than me. I had a crush on a guy who was significantly younger than me a few years ago. People are calling me a cougar now. Go ahead, it's fine, he's a good man. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted April 28 Share Posted April 28 All this is is your fear that at some point he will leave you to go and have his own family with a younger woman. I mean, that's what it ultimately comes down to, no? Maybe? Just a little... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Julia728 Posted April 28 Author Share Posted April 28 21 minutes ago, Sony12 said: He called every day for three weeks even though you weren't that responsive to him? Well that kind of explains his 'let's move in together' comment. Definitely isn't the type of behavior guys who are playing the field have. Most of those guys will just call once (maybe twice) and if the lady doesn't show much interest by then they move on to someone else. So that makes sense then why he would be trying to hold onto the situation. Be careful though because feelings in these types of situations do tend to change very quickly. Yes. He called, texted & left voice messages multiple times a day. I felt horrible actually...and I missed him terribly. But I just kept thinking...this CAN NOT work! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Julia728 Posted April 28 Author Share Posted April 28 4 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: All this is is your fear that at some point he will leave you to go and have his own family with a younger woman. I mean, that's what it ultimately comes down to, no? Maybe? Just a little... Absolutely. I have actually said to him when we 1st starting talking...'why don't you go out more and meet someone, I think you'd make a great partner & father ' I think I want him to have children more than he wants it for himself. Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted April 28 Share Posted April 28 My advice, if what you have now makes you smile, makes you happy then do not question it. Enjoy today, tomorrow is never assured. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Julia728 Posted April 28 Author Share Posted April 28 1 minute ago, ZA Dater said: My advice, if what you have now makes you smile, makes you happy then do not question it. Enjoy today, tomorrow is never assured. Thank you. You're absolutely right! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spsewell Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 Its great that he makes you happy and makes you feel safe. Just be open and honest. You have to build a solid foundation to build on. You keep me wild, and you keep me safe. Link to post Share on other sites
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