20 in a long distance relationship

[lalala101]

This will probably be a bit of a long one but I'd really like some advice and to get a few things off my chest because I don't really have the type of friends I can talk to about this stuff. Me and my boyfriend are 20 and have been together since he was 17 and I was 18 and we're both 20 at universities 2 hours away from each other. I've never wanted to be in a long distance relationship and have really struggled through it but thought it was worth being in for him but now I'm thinking about the future and questioning if it's worth feeling this lonely. 

He's a really good boyfriend and its not like I want to be single and sleeping around but I feel so lonely all the time. We try to see each other as much as we can but even when we're back home from uni we live a 25 min drive away and he doesn't have his own car and mine got written off so that's also a barrier. I see so much online about how especially in your early 20s its so good to be single and learn about yourself and stuff and I can't help but feel as if I'm missing out in some way. I'm quite an independent person but now I kind of feel like instead of being my own person I'm just 'his girlfriend'. I always find myself waiting around for him to message me or see me and I feel like I don't have my own life. 

It's my second year at university and after not making many new proper friends in first year I finally feel like I've got a good network of people but my boyfriend can be very insecure. When I go out he makes comments about me not reassuring him and he always finds something to start an argument about over the phone when I come back. When I get dressed up he says stuff about how it's 'unfair' on him that I'm going out looking nice when he's not there to see in person. He is also very negative about almost everything I tell him, I like to update him on stuff I'm doing like if I'm going to the gym with my friends or going to the pub or having a wine night in but he always has something negative to say about it and it just puts me in a bad mood and I just want to go home because he's made me feel really stupid about stuff thats normal for a 20 year old to do. 

We went on a break of about 4ish weeks because it got so draining and he promised to change but I feel like the same stuff just happening and when I try to address it with him he just brushes it under the carpet. 

I was 18 when we got together so I was going out drinking and doing that whole thing but he never did, I'm his first everything and he's not mine and recently he decided to go off on a whole tangent and  randomly tell me how disgusting he thinks some of the stuff that happened before we were together is and how he's got 'good morals' because he had less experience than me with stuff which made me feel so low and gross. I asked him why is he telling me all this and it's quite insulting and he said 'my friends have done it too so I'm criticising them as well' which I thought was os insensitive. 

I really want to escape long distance so I've been mentioning him moving in with me after I do my undergrad because I want to do a masters but he wasn't really interested until recently and I'm just getting fed up because I don't want to do long distance forever but he's just so complacent with it and I don't think he'll put in effort to actually be with me properly unless he's basally forced to by his parents because they don't want him in the house anymore. 

I can see a future with him and we do have a really lovely relationship when it's good but I don't want to waste my time doing long distance for it to fizzle out eventually. But I also don't want to throw away something that has the potential to be really good. 

I'm turning 21 this year and I feel like I don't really know who I am anymore but I don't know if it's because of this relationship or if it's just a general early 20s feeling. Any advice would be appreciated :)

[Foxhall]

1 hour ago, lalala101 said:

It's my second year at university and after not making many new proper friends in first year I finally feel like I've got a good network of people but my boyfriend can be very insecure. When I go out he makes comments about me not reassuring him and he always finds something to start an argument about over the phone when I come back

Id say you should enjoy this time, experiment and enjoy discovering new experiences and new horizons,

It strikes me that the boyfriend is holding you back really and causing you to keep the handbrake on,

Its not easy the first love and all that but Id encourage you towards being open to let it go and find your own path.

[glows]

He sounds quite miserable and lousy to be around. Why do you want to be with a guy who is lecturing you like he knows better? That’s inappropriate and completely uncalled for. He should not be degrading you or comparing you to his sanctified virgin mindset. He is entitled to his opinion but a wise person and a kind or empathetic person will know when to shut up or end a relationship when they know it’s no longer compatible. 

Of course you’re feeling smothered and impatient with him. I think it’s because you’re still young with patience to spare that you’re hesitating. Please move on and live your life.

[d0nnivain]

Lots of HS romances fail from the pressures of being apart while at university.  It was fun while it lasted but now it's time to move on.  

[ExpatInItaly]

19 hours ago, lalala101 said:

if it's just a general early 20s feeling.

No, it's because your relationship has run its course and he's a crappy to you. 

It's time to break up and find a healthier and happier path forward for yourself. 

 

[Gebidozo]

Universities 2 hours apart and houses 25 minutes apart can hardly be classified as “long distance”. But anyway, that’s not the point. Your BF seems very insecure, possessive, and kind of mean. If you still value this relationship, you should tell him how you feel. Hopefully he’ll begin to work on his issues then.