Girl I went on a few dates with said she has genuine feelings for me, but isn't mentally ready for a relationship?

[Sony12]

3 minutes ago, howlzy said:

I’m a month away from being a police officer.

Why in the world did you get involved with this girl if you are currently in a position that will lead to a 'career''? Everyone knows that work romances are risky and often lead to headaches at work. Which is why if people are really serious about their job they don't mix business with pleasure.

[howlzy]

Just now, Sony12 said:

Why in the world did you get involved with this girl if you are currently in a position that will lead to a 'career''? Everyone knows that work romances are risky and often lead to headaches at work. Which is why if people are really serious about their job they don't mix business with pleasure.

Hmm let me think… because I had a crush on her?

[Gaeta]

 

9 minutes ago, howlzy said:

I’m a month away from being a police officer.

Congratulations !

This was only a few dates, this girl is not going to make-you or break-you. You just push through your last month and then the sky is the limit. You have a great future ahead of you and you'll date many other women before you settle down. This is nothing in the big picture. 

Don't miss work or ask any favor to your boss because of a girl you dated just a few times. Do your thing and concentrate on your future ahead.

[Sony12]

7 minutes ago, howlzy said:

Hmm let me think… because I had a crush on her?

Lots of coworkers have crushes on each other. Developing an attraction to a coworker is pretty common and if people are being honest they would probably admit that they have had a crush on a coworker at one time or another. When you are around someone that much it is a normal thing to have happen. You don't have to go out with someone just because you have a little crush on them. 

Edited May 3 by Sony12

[howlzy]

1 minute ago, Sony12 said:

Lots of coworkers have crushes on each other. Developing an attraction to a coworker is pretty common and if people are being honest they would probably admit that they have had a crush on a coworker at one time or another. When you around someone that much it is a normal thing to happen. You don't have to go out with someone just because you have a little crush on them. 

It wasn’t little that’s why I’m here grasping at straws and asking all these questions bro 

[Sony12]

4 minutes ago, howlzy said:

It wasn’t little that’s why I’m here grasping at straws and asking all these questions bro 

Then that is on you. You should have known better than that. If you bug her that much more she could report you for harassment and then you wouldn't be a police officer.

[howlzy]

1 minute ago, Sony12 said:

Then that is on you. You should have known better than that. If you bug her that much more she could report you for harassment and then you wouldn't be a police officer.

Hahaha tbh I just wanted to know if she was using me or not. If she was, then I would cut off all contact forever in fact I would probably send her an angry message once I left work. If she wasn’t, I would hold on hope.

Edited May 3 by howlzy

[Sony12]

2 minutes ago, howlzy said:

Hahaha tbh I just wanted to know if she was using me or not. If she was, then I would cut off all contact forever in fact I would probably send her an angry message once I left work. If she wasn’t, I would hold on hope.

Send a girl that you only hung out with three times and didn't go any further with than holding hands an angry message? Maybe you shouldn't be dating anyone at all.

[howlzy]

Just now, Sony12 said:

Send a girl that you only hung out with three times and didn't go any further with than holding hands an angry message? Maybe you shouldn't be dating anyone at all.

HAHAHAH yeah maybe maybe 

[Gaeta]

9 minutes ago, howlzy said:

Hahaha tbh I just wanted to know if she was using me or not. If she was, then I would cut off all contact forever in fact I would probably send her an angry message once I left work. If she wasn’t, I would hold on hope.

If you feel used then you are. Trust your instinct. 

As for sending her an angry message....are you 12 !

[howlzy]

2 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

If you feel used then you are. Trust your instinct. 

As for sending her an angry message....are you 12 !

My angry message = no message. As in I won’t speak to her anymore s*** that’s what I mean lmao

[Sony12]

5 minutes ago, howlzy said:

My angry message = no message. As in I won’t speak to her anymore s*** that’s what I mean lmao

No offense but you don't sound like someone who has much life experience.

[howlzy]

1 minute ago, Sony12 said:

No offense but you don't sound like someone who has much life experience.

Duh, I’m 21. 

[Sony12]

2 minutes ago, howlzy said:

Duh, I’m 21. 

I suggest then you just take a few years to party and not worry about any kind of serious dating for awhile. You don't seem ready for it yet.

[howlzy]

Just now, Sony12 said:

I suggest then you just take a few years to party and not worry about any kind of serious dating for awhile. You don't seem ready for it yet.

Bruh I do party I just wanted a serious one with this girl because I liked her that much.

[SCMandy]

On 5/1/2024 at 8:24 PM, howlzy said:

 

Been on a few dates with a shy girl who only recently broke up with her abusive ex boyfriend. Yeah. I walked into this.

Anyway, I noticed her interest waning over the last week and she’s not the only girl I’m seeing so I essentially asked her straight up if she wanted to see me any more romantically or just wanted to be friends, and reiterated I was completely fine with either option, because to be honest I’ve sort of been losing interest in her as well.

She sent me a message saying that she isn’t mentally ready for commitment, and is worried about taking it too far before she’s ready otherwise she’ll just end up hurting herself and me. She also said she has genuine feelings for me.

How do you people interpret this? Is she friendzoning me forever or do you think there is a chance she will come back once she’s healed a bit? Either way I’m not thinking about her, just wondering. Maybe she wasn’t looking for something as serious as me. 

She’s 19 and I’m 21 by the way.

I don’t think she is friendzoning you, I think she is being honest and a bit vulnerable which means she trusts you enough to share that.  Take that as a gift, embrace her vulnerability and make her feel safe / comfortable, if you want to continue growing your friendship into a possible relationship 

[Sony12]

2 minutes ago, howlzy said:

Bruh I do party I just wanted a serious one with this girl because I liked her that much.

You may have liked the idea of it but from what you have said in all these threads you have started about this gal you don't seem ready for a relationship just yet. 

[Gaeta]

On 5/1/2024 at 8:24 PM, howlzy said:

She sent me a message saying that she isn’t mentally ready for commitment, and is worried

You need to understand breaking up from an abusive relationship is complicated and it takes time. These relationships are about control, manipulation, emotional dependency, etc. These relationships never end with a clean breakup. He's probably contacting her and she is confused as what she wants. Chances are he will lure her back in. 

Life lesson 101: Don't date women recently out of relationships and especially abusive relationship. Her head likes you but her heart is still with him and she's trying to get over that. Be respectful and move on. 

You are going to be a policeman. You're supposed to have been trained on domestic abuse and why women don't file complains and often go back. 

Edited May 3 by Gaeta

[howlzy]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

You need to understand breaking up from an abusive relationship is complicated and it takes time. These relationships are about control, manipulation, emotional dependency, etc. These relationship never ends with a clean breakup. He's probably contacting her and she is confused as what she wants. Chances are he will lure her back in. 

Life lesson 101: Don't date women recently out of relationships end especially abusive relationship. Her head likes you but her heart is still with him and she's trying to get over that. Be respectful and move on. 

You are going to be a policeman. You're supposed to have been trained on domestic abuse and why women don't file complains and often go back. 

Yeah. I will be. I really just hope she doesn’t. She deserves to be happy with someone who treats her properly and is right for her, even if that someone isn’t me. 

[Will am I]

On 5/2/2024 at 4:04 AM, howlzy said:

We were friends first, that’s the reason I started being into her romantically. Our personalities just clicked. I still want to be friends with her, and yes I am interested in her just not as much as before. Our dates always sort of felt like friends hanging out lolz

You were friendzoned from day 1. Don’t chase behind her romantically, she’s not interested in that.