What do I do now?

[SCMandy]

5 minutes ago, flitzanu said:

if you are honest with him, i can't imagine how this would be negative.  any situation of telling a guy how "big" he is should be just fine and great for the ego.

doing the opposite - absolutely not. 

 

You’re right, I’m way overthinking this. Thank you and everyone for your responses, it’s definitely given me things to think about and consider 

[Sony12]

10 minutes ago, SCMandy said:

You’re right, I’m way overthinking this. Thank you and everyone for your responses, it’s definitely given me things to think about and consider 

A 20 something year old girl telling a near 50 year old man how big he is is something some guys will pay money for, lol.

Edited May 3 by Sony12

[stillafool]

5 hours ago, SCMandy said:

There are.  I just don’t connect really well with guys my age.  They are extremely arrogant, emotionally immature and unable to even hold a reasonable conversation.  So there is no connection, it’s all physical.

I find it hard to believe that all young men with a college degree are arrogant, immature and unable to carry and intelligent conversation.  As you can see, dirty old men want sex too.  Don't waste your good years on old men because there will come a time when you wished you had dated young men when you had the chance.  Don't give your youth away to those who don't deserve it.

[basil67]

6 hours ago, SCMandy said:

There are.  I just don’t connect really well with guys my age.  They are extremely arrogant, emotionally immature and unable to even hold a reasonable conversation.  So there is no connection, it’s all physical.

My daughter is your age and her 28yo boyfriend and the boys in her friend group are smart, kind, fun and respectful.   What about the boys in your college degree....were you unable to socialise with them or work cohesively on group assignments?   Sure, there are both young men and women who can't get it together, but surely you've been teamed with some good guys.  Not saying that you should date them, but there are plenty out there if you look in the right places.

 

 

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, stillafool said:

Don't waste your good years on old men because there will come a time when you wished you had dated young men when you had the chance.

This is a hurtful and unfair thing to say😔

People are different. Over the course of my life, I’ve encountered women who preferred younger men, women who preferred men of their age, women who preferred older men, women who had no specific age preferences.

But I’d say that women who like older men are hardly a tiny minority. My fiancée is 18 years younger than me and we aren’t even each other’s biggest age gap in our respective romantic histories.

I do agree with the OP at least partly, younger men do tend to be immature and insecure. At least that’s what I’ve observed in my life. Honestly, I was a complete piece of s*** when I was young, and most of my buddies weren’t much better. That is not to say that there aren’t exceptionally mature young men, of course, but to say they are generally better relationship material is just wrong, in my humble opinion.

[Gaeta]

11 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

People are different. Over the course of my life, I’ve encountered women who preferred younger men, women who preferred men of their age, women who preferred older men, women who had no specific age preferences.

If everybody involved is above 30 yo then I don't care about the age difference. It really gets to me when it's  a young 20ish woman without experience that is being pursuit by a man 24 years older. The man is on a hookup site for sex and she thinks his loveliness and kindness is not related to him wanting to put his d* in her 🤨 

[stillafool]

11 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

This is a hurtful and unfair thing to say😔

Sorry, but it's true.  I would tell a 24 year old man dating a woman 24 years older than him the same thing.  You only have a very short window to be young and carefree.  Why spend it with someone old enough to be your parent.  Just because a lot of older people are now going after people young enough to be their kids, does not make it right.  18-29 is too young to date people half their ages.  

[Sony12]

8 hours ago, Gaeta said:

If everybody involved is above 30 yo then I don't care about the age difference. It really gets to me when it's  a young 20ish woman without experience that is being pursuit by a man 24 years older. The man is on a hookup site for sex and she thinks his loveliness and kindness is not related to him wanting to put his d* in her 🤨 

Wow. Have to say you created a clever way of saying it without actually saying it, lol.

[basil67]

21 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

This is a hurtful and unfair thing to say😔

People are different. Over the course of my life, I’ve encountered women who preferred younger men, women who preferred men of their age, women who preferred older men, women who had no specific age preferences.

I didn't realise this until I became an older woman, but there's an instinct which seems to arrive where many of us start to want to protect the younger women from the things which happened to us via older men when we were younger.   

I'm certainly not saying that all older men are bad, but my past contains stuff related older men which from just plain icky to being sexually assaulted as a minor.  It's far too easy for an older man to be smooth with a much younger woman.   So yeah, while it may be hurtful that many of us get weird about older men with younger women, remember that many of us have life experience which makes us want to protect naive young women. 

FWIW, my 'ick' feeling doesn't kick in until the 'half your age plus 7' theory is breached.    

 

[BaileyB]

On 5/3/2024 at 11:34 AM, SCMandy said:

I can’t imagine many guys are as big as he is, it’s crazy 

Have you never had sex before? Is this your first time?

On 5/3/2024 at 11:40 AM, SCMandy said:

I just don’t connect really well with guys my age.  They are extremely arrogant, emotionally immature and unable to even hold a reasonable conversation.

I can appreciate that, but how much do you really have in common with a man who is your fathers age? If this becomes an actual relationship, how do you think your friends and family will react? There is lots to think about here before you get in any deeper…

Personally, I think there is something really wrong with a 48 year old man who is pursuing a 24 year old young woman. There is a definite difference in experience and that creates an unbalanced power dynamic that really creeps me out. Be very careful here. 

Edited May 5 by BaileyB

[SCMandy]

On 5/3/2024 at 7:00 PM, basil67 said:

My daughter is your age and her 28yo boyfriend and the boys in her friend group are smart, kind, fun and respectful.   What about the boys in your college degree....were you unable to socialise with them or work cohesively on group assignments?   Sure, there are both young men and women who can't get it together, but surely you've been teamed with some good guys.  Not saying that you should date them, but there are plenty out there if you look in the right places.

 

 

Yeah that’s fair.  And there are some great guys my age, what I said in an earlier reply was a bit of an exaggeration.  I guess being hurt on more than one occasion by guys my age has jaded me and that’s unfair of me 

[SCMandy]

On 5/3/2024 at 10:37 PM, Gebidozo said:

This is a hurtful and unfair thing to say😔

People are different. Over the course of my life, I’ve encountered women who preferred younger men, women who preferred men of their age, women who preferred older men, women who had no specific age preferences.

But I’d say that women who like older men are hardly a tiny minority. My fiancée is 18 years younger than me and we aren’t even each other’s biggest age gap in our respective romantic histories.

I do agree with the OP at least partly, younger men do tend to be immature and insecure. At least that’s what I’ve observed in my life. Honestly, I was a complete piece of s*** when I was young, and most of my buddies weren’t much better. That is not to say that there aren’t exceptionally mature young men, of course, but to say they are generally better relationship material is just wrong, in my humble opinion.

Thank you so much for this post! I could not agree more! 

[SCMandy]

22 hours ago, Gaeta said:

If everybody involved is above 30 yo then I don't care about the age difference. It really gets to me when it's  a young 20ish woman without experience that is being pursuit by a man 24 years older. The man is on a hookup site for sex and she thinks his loveliness and kindness is not related to him wanting to put his d* in her 🤨 

He is not on a hook up site, we did not meet through a site like that.  I’ve never even used one myself.  Not sure why you’re assuming that 

[SCMandy]

14 hours ago, Sony12 said:

Wow. Have to say you created a clever way of saying it without actually saying it, lol.

No, she assumed that’s how we met and it’s not true.  She’s now said that in a couple of her replies and clearly did not see where I replied in earlier post that that’s not how we met, yet keeps saying it

[SCMandy]

11 hours ago, BaileyB said:

Have you never had sex before? Is this your first time?

I can appreciate that, but how much do you really have in common with a man who is your fathers age? If this becomes an actual relationship, how do you think your friends and family will react? There is lots to think about here before you get in any deeper…

Personally, I think there is something really wrong with a 48 year old man who is pursuing a 24 year old young woman. There is a definite difference in experience and that creates an unbalanced power dynamic that really creeps me out. Be very careful here. 

Yes, I have had sex before, he is not my first.

We do share a good bit in common.  Work in the same industry, both share the same passions for exercise, are both a bit of a bookworm, enjoy many of the same foods and many of the same activities.

I think some of my family would be accepting but not all.  He has met two of my friends and they both loved how he treated me and how respectful he was.

But I completely do not overlook some of the points you make.  They are real and I am careful not to let it become out of balance

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, SCMandy said:

I guess being hurt on more than one occasion by guys my age has jaded me and that’s unfair of me 

You will be hurt by men regardless of age. That’s the risk that we all take when we chose to be in a relationship - there is always the possibility that we will be hurt. It’s almost inevitable that we will be hurt or disappointed in some way…

Edited May 5 by BaileyB

[Gaeta]

On 5/3/2024 at 10:06 AM, SCMandy said:

We ended up getting together recently and as we were hooking up

This is why l interpreted you were meeting for sex and not a relationship. 

[SCMandy]

4 hours ago, BaileyB said:

You will be hurt by men regardless of age. That’s the risk that we all take when we chose to be in a relationship - there is always the possibility that we will be hurt. It’s almost inevitable that we will be hurt or disappointed in some way…

That’s very true, sadly, but true for sure 

[Els]

6 hours ago, SCMandy said:

Yes, I have had sex before, he is not my first.

We do share a good bit in common.  Work in the same industry, both share the same passions for exercise, are both a bit of a bookworm, enjoy many of the same foods and many of the same activities.

I think some of my family would be accepting but not all.  He has met two of my friends and they both loved how he treated me and how respectful he was.

Oh, dear. I think it's really clear that you are viewing this as more than just a hookup, whereas he likely isn't.

IMO, if you move forward with this, you are going to end up getting hurt. Think about it, if you two have sex and then he ceases communication, are you REALLY going to be okay with it? Because that's what hookups can be like.

[NuevoYorko]

10 hours ago, SCMandy said:

No, she assumed that’s how we met and it’s not true.  She’s now said that in a couple of her replies and clearly did not see where I replied in earlier post that that’s not how we met, yet keeps saying it

Oh, come on.  From your first post:

Quote

I have been talking to a guy much older than me (I am 24, he is 48) for a few months. We ended up getting together recently and as we were hooking up 

The way you describe it SCREAMS hook-up site.  and then you top it off by saying you were "hooking up"  after you "ended up getting together."

It seems like you are shifting your story.   But everyone reading that is reading "HOOK UP SITE LEADING TO HOOK UP."

[BaileyB]

^^^ Add to the fact that not many 48 year old men are looking for a serious relationship with a 24 year old women… especially considering he just ended a marriage. 

 

[basil67]

Mama-bear over here wants to have strong words with this man. 

[Gebidozo]

On 5/4/2024 at 9:55 PM, Gaeta said:

If everybody involved is above 30 yo then I don't care about the age difference. It really gets to me when it's  a young 20ish woman without experience that is being pursuit by a man 24 years older. The man is on a hookup site for sex and she thinks his loveliness and kindness is not related to him wanting to put his d* in her 🤨 

An inexperienced young woman can fall prey to an older guy wanting to use her for sex, sure, but the same can happen with a younger guys, and I’d dare say such cases are more common.

It’s the person that matters, not the age.

 

 

 

 

Edited May 6 by Gebidozo

[Gebidozo]

On 5/4/2024 at 10:37 PM, stillafool said:

Sorry, but it's true.  I would tell a 24 year old man dating a woman 24 years older than him the same thing.  You only have a very short window to be young and carefree.  Why spend it with someone old enough to be your parent.  Just because a lot of older people are now going after people young enough to be their kids, does not make it right.  18-29 is too young to date people half their ages.  

It’s not true, it’s just your opinion, and a really judgmental and hurtful one at that. 

It’s totally fine if you don’t like dating older men, you can date whomever you want to, but why projecting your own romantic taste and preferences onto the entire world?

The stubborn truth is that some women prefer older men, they are aware of their preferences and make their choices freely and consciously. In my professional circle, relationships between older men and younger women are very common. Absolutely nobody makes a big deal out of that.

[Gebidozo]

On 5/5/2024 at 8:02 AM, basil67 said:

I'm certainly not saying that all older men are bad, but my past contains stuff related older men which from just plain icky to being sexually assaulted as a minor.

Sorry this happened to you🙏 

However, it’s still not fair to make age-related generalizations on the basis of personal negative experiences. Just because some older men are icky, doesn’t mean that the majority is.

On 5/5/2024 at 8:02 AM, basil67 said:

FWIW, my 'ick' feeling doesn't kick in until the 'half your age plus 7' theory is breached.    

Well, looks like I just breach it slightly, my fiancée is exactly half my age plus 6😳