Fiancés female friend acting uncomfortable when we met

[Yellowrose91]

My fiancé has a female coworker. He has spoken to me about her only a few times. He told me how good a woman she is and that she’s pretty.
 

Now they both have an upcoming exam and are studying together a a few hours a few days a week. I can’t help but feel insecure about this after what he said. Am I being silly here? Need to know if I should just get over this

[Wiseman2]

You've had issues with this coworker and your BF for a long time. Is he trying to make you jealous or do you just feel insecure about the relationship? 

[d0nnivain]

Yes you are being silly.  Just because she is a good person who happens to be pretty does not mean you are not a good person or that you are not pretty.  Be happy your guy has good taste.  It's that good taste & good judgment that made him pick a quality partner:  You! 

[basil67]

Have a look at your posting history about this guy.....I'm not sure if getting upset about others is your 'normal' or if he is a really bad choice of partner for you, but you've made an extraordinarily large number of complaints in a small time.

What's the bigger picture here?  And why are you staying with someone who upsets you so often?

[d0nnivain]

You seem to think your BF should live & function in some bubble where you are the only woman he talks to.  Life doesn't work like that.   There will always be women in the lives of every man you are with.  You need to learn to deal with that. 

Your insane overblown jealousy will destroy every relationship you ever have if you don't get a grip on your insecurities.  

[WalkingFox12]

My fiance has recently started studying with a female coworker friend, which he has stated he will be meeting up with several times a week.

I’ve been uncomfortable with this, especially as he has said she is pretty and I’ve asked him if she was hot enough to sleep with ( I know I shouldn’t have), and he said yes.

My fiance and some coworkers arranged for a dinner last night. This particular female friend attended.

When we first spoke, she looked uncomfortable and a little nervous. It took her a few minutes before we said hello. Throughout the dinner she was pretty quiet and didn’t open many topics with my fiance. However, we both spoke a little and we were both polite to each other, asking eachother questions etc, but I’m guessing she could just sense my discomfort.

When my fiance and I were alone he told me that she usually comes straight up to him and speaks a lot to him, however this evening my fiance had to speak to her first. They were sat opposite me at the dinner table and she seemed reluctant to start any conversation with him and was mostly speaking to the woman next to her. My fiance said that this may have been because she feels shy in a group setting but I also get the feeling he was a little annoyed at me if my vibe made her uncomfortable, and he said I was polite to her but reminded me to be nice to her as she was being nice to me.

I just don’t understand why she’d feel awkward and change her actions when in there? Clearly she speaks a lot to my fiance when I’m not there but was a lot quieter in my presence. Maybe it’s just innocent though and there’s nothing for me to worry about?

 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, WalkingFox12 said:

. Ujust don’t understand why she’d feel awkward and change her actions when in there? Clearly she speaks a lot to my fiance when I’m not there but was a lot quieter in my presence. Maybe it’s just innocent though and there’s nothing for me to worry about?

 

How long have you been dating? Do you live together? How old is he?  Unfortunately she's not the problem, your fiance is. He's creating discomfort by trying to make you jealous. 

Ignore his comment and don't feed his ego by getting into a mental cat fight with her over him. 

[stillafool]

Maybe she thought she was showing you respect by not chatting up your boyfriend while you're with him and letting you have all of his attention.

[MsJayne]

On 5/5/2024 at 7:38 PM, WalkingFox12 said:

I’ve been uncomfortable with this, especially as he has said she is pretty and I’ve asked him if she was hot enough to sleep with ( I know I shouldn’t have), and he said yes.

Obviously you're insecure in this relationship, and his response to your question explains why. The correct response would be for him to say, "Yes, she's pretty, but I'm in love with you and not interested in her", but instead he said something that fuelled your insecurity. He's self-absorbed and insensitive, and he's manipulative and projecting his own insecurity on to you - deliberately causing jealousy to reassure his fragile ego. 

 

On 5/5/2024 at 7:38 PM, WalkingFox12 said:

I also get the feeling he was a little annoyed at me if my vibe made her uncomfortable, and he said I was polite to her but reminded me to be nice to her as she was being nice to me.

Who does this guy think he is? Telling you how to behave in a social setting? He's the one who created the discomfort by openly stating that he thinks she's hot. He should be concerned about your comfort, not hers. He's disloyal and, frankly, a bit stupid.