What to make of this situation

[Floatingaround]

Met this girl unexpectedtly online the other week. She's 22 and I'm 30

We instantly clicked, we have great chemistry, pretty early on we talked About meeting up for sex in the near future. We must have spoke for almost 5 hours the first night.

I could tell she was into me, very engaging, didn't leave the convo at all, very deep convosations.

The second night things went to another level, talking about fantasies, she sent me photos of her body, and we even wrote out little scenarios as we were both mutually touching ourselves..

The level of lust was intense, we both got abit caught up in the moment, telling each other how much we adored the other etc..

Now the next day she said she can't commit to anything as she's just got out of a relationship and dosent want to hurt me. Which I respect. When I asked her if she still wants to go for dinner and then a hotel (like we had originally spoken about) she said yes as long as im fine with what she said about commitment, and that she really wants to hang out with me still.

Our conversation has still been pretty non stop, until today.  I asked her earlier if she was free certain dates for dinner and hotel and she said yep all good. Although its been about 9 hours since she has responded to further messages, so I think she is a bit scared off, creating some distance.

I guess my question is, I feel like I have overplayed my card, we both said things we probabaly didn't mean in the heat of the moment, that had muddied the waters. Should I address this and mention to her how I value the connection we have and don't want things to become too serious or awkward?

I would like some guidance from others out there who might have been in a similar situation,  who want to share any insights or advice they may have.

For some reason my anxiety is telling me she's probabaly not keen on me anymore.

[NuevoYorko]

Waaaay too much too soon.    Phone sex with a stranger is not really a great platform for anything further.

 

[Floatingaround]

Thanks NY.

I sent her a message last night communicating with her that I don't want things to be serious, to remain light, but that if she wanted to hang out that's still cool. She opened the message, no response.

She might be put off, maybe she's hurt somewhat because she thinks I'm creating further distance.

 

Head doer.

[flitzanu]

it sounds more like you're trying to make this into something other than meaningless hotel sex.  she's already told you this isn't serious and she isn't trying to get a boyfriend she was just trying to have sex with you in a hotel.

there isnt anything hidden in these words.

[Mrin]

Let her be and stick with the plan for drinks + sex. Keep all conversation focused on that.

[basil67]

If you both said things you don't mean...or perhaps did mean but don't want to admit to...then how can you trust each other to be honest and not get confused in the future?

As it stands, I'm not even sure you know what you want.  If this was just about sex, why do you care about the [emotional?] connection?  Why the anxiety?  

 

Edited May 6, 2024 by basil67

[ExpatInItaly]

20 hours ago, Floatingaround said:

Should I address this and mention to her how I value the connection we have

What connection?

You had some cyber-sex with an online stranger. There is no connection, beyond a hormonal one. And to be fair, you don't even know if anything she told you about herself is true. 

11 hours ago, Floatingaround said:

I sent her a message last night communicating with her that I don't want things to be serious, to remain light, but that if she wanted to hang out that's still cool. She opened the message, no response.

I'm not sure you should hold your breath for this meet-up actually happening. 

11 hours ago, Floatingaround said:

maybe she's hurt somewhat because she thinks I'm creating further distance.

No, this is very unlikely. I think that she's just changed her mind about meeting you and doesn't have the courage to be honest and tell you that. Maybe she's not actually single and she's worried her boyfriend would find out. 

Try not to get so wrapped up in an online person in the future. You put too much stock in this one. 

[Floatingaround]

Good replies, thanks everyone.

I guess we will see what happens, she's has reduced contact big time the past 2 days. She was extremely eager for the first 3 days. Its hard to get a gauge on. She still says she is looking forward to hanging out.. see what happens.

 

Thanks 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Floatingaround said:

She still says she is looking forward to hanging out.. see what happens.

Wait, so has she replied to your last mesage now? 

[Floatingaround]

Initially she would respond instantly through the whole day. Past few days shes messaging probabaly every few hours or so.

 

[Floatingaround]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Wait, so has she replied to your last mesage now? 

When i said i don't want things to be too serious she said

"Glad to know we are on the page Yeah no I appreciate you clarifying, glad we started chatting I’m sure we’ll have a ball 💕"

[ExpatInItaly]

I am confused. 

Which message did she read and not respond to? 

 

[SurfCity]

On 5/7/2024 at 1:39 AM, Floatingaround said:

Initially she would respond instantly through the whole day. Past few days shes messaging probabaly every few hours or so.

 

During the weekend she replied all day and now, during the week, she takes longer to reply? Probably because she's at work? Seems normal to me. 

[Floatingaround]

On 5/8/2024 at 7:10 PM, SurfCity said:

During the weekend she replied all day and now, during the week, she takes longer to reply? Probably because she's at work? Seems normal to me. 

More like fallen off the face of the earth.

 

Didnt hear from her for 6 days now shes messaging me again, saying she's sorry she went MIA, that she had a well needed break, asking how I've been etc... just abit off putting to be honest.

 

 

Edited May 11, 2024 by Floatingaround
cuz

[Floatingaround]

On 5/8/2024 at 3:07 PM, ExpatInItaly said:

I am confused. 

Which message did she read and not respond to?  She ended up responding 12 hours after initially opening the message.

 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

She doesn't sound very interested anymore. 

I would let this go. 

[Floatingaround]

I would have agreed with you had she not messaged me again, using the same tones and engaging that she was before. She was away on a farm for a week, had time to herself.. whatever.

 

If she wasnt interested she wouldn't have replied after 6 days explaining g herself.

Im sure if I asked her again, she would still be down to "hang out"

 

Just to be clear, I checked out 5 days ago.. not giving her much.. see what happens 

On 5/8/2024 at 7:10 PM, SurfCity said:

During the weekend she replied all day and now, during the week, she takes longer to reply? Probably because she's at work? Seems normal to me. 

More like fallen off the face of the earth.

 

Didnt hear from her for 6 days now shes messaging me again.

 

 

[basil67]

Sounds like you're way more invested than she is.   And frankly, it was only ever going to be a casual situation/ONS so why do you care?

[SurfCity]

2 hours ago, Floatingaround said:

She was away on a farm for a week, had time to herself.. whatever.

 

2 hours ago, Floatingaround said:

More like fallen off the face of the earth.

So, she went on a week's vacation? To a farm? There probably wasn't cell service and even if there was, she probably didn't want to spend her time away staring at her phone. Maybe she was hiking or fishing or just doing a screen detox in general. It makes sense that she wouldn't text you constantly while on vacation. Your reaction is over the top and excessive. 

Did you know she was leaving town for a week? If yes, you shouldn't have been surprised that her communication dropped off while she was away. You're not behaving like this is casual, you seem very emotional about this and angry for no reason. Try to get involved in hobbies or projects so that you're not so needy and clingy.

[ExpatInItaly]

21 hours ago, Floatingaround said:

Just to be clear, I checked out 5 days ago.

If that were true, you wouldn't be replying to her. 

Look, you two are still no closer to actually meeting each other. Please don't make the mistake of hoping any of this amounts to something more. She has very low interest.