FrazzledCleaner Posted May 6 Share Posted May 6 Hello, I'm (M) having an issue with living with my partner (F). We've been living together for 1.5 years, together for 2.5. Over the time living together, I've noticed that she is very messy and doesn't really contribute to the day-to-day cleaning as much as I'd like. We live in a small studio and will do weekend cleaning together which is fine, but throughout the week she leaves all of the cleaning to me. She is very messy (leaves out dirty dishes, clothes on the floor, doesn't wipe down counters after leaving tons of crumbs, etc.) so I find that I am having to clean the whole apartment on my own nightly. I've brought up that I'd like for her to contribute to the cleaning more and that sometimes it feels like I'm her maid, and she's always very apologetic but then nothing changes. I've tried just not cleaning and seeing what happened, but then nothing got cleaned for multiple days in a row and I can't live like that. We both contribute more or less equally in other areas (cooking, meal planning, finances). She grew up with a mom that did all of the cleaning, so she never had chores to do on a daily basis. I grew up with a big family with parents that worked a lot, so daily cleaning has been a part of my life since I was a little kid. I understand that this shapes habits, but she's well into her 20's and has lived on her own before, so she had to clean and take care of herself then - so it's not like she doesn't know how to clean. I'm starting to really build up resentment because of the cleaning and will get upset when I come home to an apartment that was clean when I left and a mess by the time I get home. Anytime she asks me to do something cleaning related (take out the trash, do the dishes) it makes me really frustrated inside, or if she's sitting on the couch while I'm cleaning the apartment it really hurts me because any time she's doing something around the house I always ask how can I help, but she can't do that for me. I'm not really sure what to do. I feel like this is affecting my perception of our relationship and is bleeding into other areas of our daily life. I grew up with a mom that was always having to clean after coming home from work and a dad that didn't really help and I saw how much that affected my mom, and I really don't want to be in that position myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted May 6 Share Posted May 6 (edited) Some people are naturally more tidy than others. Just ask her if she would be willing to help clean the place up. If she isn't willing to help out in that area much than that is a compatibility issue. Edited May 6 by Sony12 Link to post Share on other sites
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