Relationships with a significant age gap

[mark clemson]

It is sad. The kids COULD get over it, no? Are there other issues with how she treats them/behaves? Do they feel that she "dumped dealing with/caring for Dad" onto them?

If it's JUST that she divorced and found a new love and there's no other issues, maybe the kids aren't showing a lot of emotional maturity/love for her/respect for her life decisions?

Dunno, it's hard to pin these things as an outside observer.

Edited May 8 by mark clemson

[Gaeta]

2 hours ago, mark clemson said:

It is sad. The kids COULD get over it, no? Are there other issues with how she treats them/behaves? Do they feel that she "dumped dealing with/caring for Dad" onto them?

If it's JUST that she divorced and found a new love and there's no other issues, maybe the kids aren't showing a lot of emotional maturity/love for her/respect for her life decisions?

Dunno, it's hard to pin these things as an outside observer.

I think the kids should get over it and take care of their ill mother. 

She was a loving mother to them. She's my mom's sister. We all grew up together. 

The thing they cannot forgive her is that she met the young man while she was still married. They had a long secret affair before she left her husband. She did not leave her husband because she had 6 growing, almost all teenagers, at home. She waited they were all out of the nest. That's a good story for all those couples who don't want to divorce because of the kids and they think they can just have secret lives and it won't impact anyone. 

In terms of the age difference it's sad for him. He's not going to grow old with the woman he loved. I am sure when he met her in his early 20s he had no clue what it meant taking care of someone into their old age. At 22 we live in the moment and 30 years time is so far away we cannot even imagine it. My aunt though, at 50 she should have known better. 

 

[Gebidozo]

On 5/8/2024 at 10:07 PM, Gaeta said:

Romantic love comes and goes. 

Was it worth it for her to lose the love of all of her children, being estranged from her grand children. I don't think it was worth it. 

When l was 40ish a younger man got interested in me. He was 27. My eldest daughter was 20 at the time. She was sooo upset l would date a man closer to her age than mine. I didn't hesitate and told the guy l did not wish to pursue. l was not going to lose my daughter over dating a younger man. 

Fast forward 10 years later and my daughter asked me if l remembered that young lawyer who wanted to date me and she apologized for the way she reacted back then. 

I said that was ok. When l dropped him I knew then the love of a man would come to me again and it did. When l dropped him l was making a long term investment in my daughter.

Sunday l will celebrate Mother's Day surounded by my daughters, their bfs, my own amazing boyfriend. My aunt will not have children visiting her or calling her. 

The decisions we make create our tomorrow. 

Well, people are different. 

For me, this would be a no-brainer. Romantic love always comes first. If any of my relatives are against, tough luck and, ahem, none of their business. 

But I also know that they wouldn’t do this to me.

 

 

[Gaeta]

2 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Romantic love always comes first. 

My point was before romantic love becomes "romantic love" it's first of all a decision.  If l'm a 50 year old single woman and l am being pursued by a 23 year old there is no love yet, at that point  "good judgement" is still supposed to run the show.

[stillafool]

On 5/7/2024 at 7:46 AM, SCMandy said:

I have an amazing relationship with my dad and he is an incredible person on so many levels so this is not the case in my situation either

I wish there was a way to send private messages on here.  Is there?

How does your father feel about you dating this older man?