Ex Wanted to be friends, but not ready to talk?

[meteor2024]

Hello,

Newbie here! I have been off and off with this guy for 4 years. We've been off for about a year.. talking a little here and there. We kind of work together, but we don't have to see each other, but every so often will need help from each other (law enforcement). Anyway.. recently, I had been reaching out trying to stay friends, and he, as of yesterday had sent an email asking for something that he could have asked someone else.. so when I called him, he was super nice.. I asked, are you ready to be friends? He said "yep". I know this sounds childish, but, it's the dynamic. SO, then I tried to text him today, with no response. So several hours later I called. He answered and said, I guess I am just not ready to talk yet. I respected that and said, ok.

 

We ended things because we seem to have some communication issues and I admit, I like to push, too much. He's busy and I am very insecure.. it's something I am working on and am ready to try again. I don't think he realizes that. But I have explained that. 

Thoughts? Im assuming he was having a good day when he said he wanted to be friends, now he regrets it? 

[ZA Dater]

As someone as who is still distant friend with an ex I can say its a difficult dynamic to manage because I think to some extent there are always some extra emotions involved. Based on what you wrote it would seem he is sort of in no mans land re being friends, my advice would be to not push him too much. My own experience is that being friends with an ex can be a benefit because typically they know you better than most other people.

Give it time.

[meteor2024]

Thanks. I was confused. I guess I also feel stupid. I thought when he said he wanted to be friends, it meant it was ok to reach out.

[ExpatInItaly]

49 minutes ago, meteor2024 said:

He's busy and I am very insecure.. it's something I am working on and am ready to try again. I don't think he realizes that. But I have explained that. 

I think he realizes it, but he doesn't want to try again. He might be fine being vaguely friendly with you, but not more than that. I don't see that he actually wants a real friendship. 

And you have to ask yourself why you want to try again when it's been on and off for 4  years? Surely you realize by now there is no future here. 

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, meteor2024 said:

Anyway.. recently, I had been reaching out trying to stay friends,

Why are you so intent on staying friends with a guy you've been off and on with for 4 years who is not acting like he wants to be friends with you?

[basil67]

Honestly, if you have to ask someone if they are ready to be your friend, then they aren't ready.  Or may never be ready.    Most people do leave exes in the past, or simply maintain minimal contact if absolutely necessary

[smackie9]

I think it's time to just let go and move on. 

[Gebidozo]

First of all, if what you want is for you guys to be back together, you shouldn’t be asking him if he wants to be friends.

Second, judging by his reaction, he really just wants “to be friends”, which is, basically, a euphemism for “to stay broken up without actually wanting to rip out each other’s viscera”. 

You need to stop guessing what he wants, and decide what you want. If you want him back, make it clear to him. If he refuses then, don’t be “friends” with him, just move on.