wanderer0606 Posted May 8 Share Posted May 8 (edited) My fiancé and I have been engaged the past couple of months and had been dating for a total of 4 years but I have known her for 5. I’m scared to tell her that while we were getting to know each other, I sent her texts from a throwaway phone saying some messed up things because I was drunk but she thought it was a previous guy she had been with after she confided in me and was crying hysterically, the guy she had been with was very jealous, controlling and abusive. I literally forgot all about it until my brother told me about receiving calls from a spoofed number and it brought it all back.Should I tell her? Other than that, we’ve had a really good and healthy relationship and I love her dearly. Edited May 8 by wanderer0606 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted May 9 Share Posted May 9 If you tell her, be prepared for the possibility the engagement will end. If you can't handle taking this to your grave, then it would probably be better to tell her now BEFORE you get married so she doesn't feel super-betrayed later on after years of marriage. You should probably steer clear of excess booze too. Many people have secrets, but some are more potentially destructive than others. If you don't tell her, you'll have to live with knowing you did this, so be sure you're up for that. Clearly you planned this if you used a throwaway phone, so I don't think the "I was drunk" excuse is going to get you very far by way of forgiveness. If you're going to marry her and not tell, resolve to do better by her as this sort of thing can be quite frightening, and particularly for women. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted May 9 Share Posted May 9 Frankly, I’m surprised you haven’t confessed to her sooner. Why did it take you 5 years to even begin to consider whether you should tell her this? Link to post Share on other sites
1HappyGoLucky Posted June 4 Share Posted June 4 On 5/9/2024 at 4:54 AM, wanderer0606 said: My fiancé and I have been engaged the past couple of months and had been dating for a total of 4 years but I have known her for 5. I’m scared to tell her that while we were getting to know each other, I sent her texts from a throwaway phone saying some messed up things because I was drunk but she thought it was a previous guy she had been with after she confided in me and was crying hysterically, the guy she had been with was very jealous, controlling and abusive. I literally forgot all about it until my brother told me about receiving calls from a spoofed number and it brought it all back.Should I tell her? Other than that, we’ve had a really good and healthy relationship and I love her dearly. Something is missing here. It sounds like whatever you said may have been pivotal for your partner. If you expand more this could be a good forum to figure it out. It sounds like you are conflicted, which means that it's probably best to tell her, particularly if other people know. It's better than having something significant come out later. Take a considered approach and ensure you are considered her feelings and needs. She deserves to know, and you deserve to know if she can forgive you, before marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts