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Hooked up with the friend of a girl who friendzoned me and now she's acting pissed?

howlzy

By howlzy,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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howlzy

howlzy

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Long story. My good friend @Sony12 is familiar with it ;)

Half-dated a shy girl but never made a move on her. Not normal for me but she just got out a relationship and she didn’t want to rush things so I hung back on physicality for a bit. 

Anyway we sort of both lost interest so I asked if she wanted to be friends and she agreed. In her text she said she still liked me but wasn’t ready for a serious commitment yet blah blah we’ve all heard it before.

Few nights I went to the same party as her and her friend and I linked up with her friend.  

All of a sudden she’s acting even MORE cold (which I’m not sure how she managed to do since she literally didn’t talk with me for a week after friendzoning me lol). Like I can tell the whole mood has changed.

So is she angry at me for getting with her friend or is she jealous? Both? Like if we’re just friends now what’s the big deal I don’t get it. 

 

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Alpacalia

Alpacalia

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You can date who you want but going after her friend is kind of shady.

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basil67

basil67

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58 minutes ago, howlzy said:

So is she angry at me for getting with her friend or is she jealous? Both? Like if we’re just friends now what’s the big deal I don’t get it. 

She's probably a bit of both and you're being a bit obtuse.  

I think it would have been smarter to let the dust settle for at least a number of months before moving on to her friend.   And did the friend know that you and the shy girl have history?  Because if she did know, she's should have been a better friend to the shy girl

 

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howlzy

howlzy

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47 minutes ago, basil67 said:

She's probably a bit of both and you're being a bit obtuse.  

I think it would have been smarter to let the dust settle for at least a number of months before moving on to her friend.   And did the friend know that you and the shy girl have history?  Because if she did know, she's should have been a better friend to the shy girl

 

A few months? We weren't exclusive and I literally didn't even get physical with her lmao. Also yes she knew.

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ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

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This is the same girl you had a few threads about recently, right? 

Look, you're free to hook up with whomever you want. But you can't be so naive as to think hooking up with her friend is a good look. Come on, man. And you didn't "lose interest" when you had, what, 3 threads going about her within the last couple weeks? 

At least be honest with yourself here. You liked her a lot. That much is obvious from your posting history about her. And if you're not really talking to her anymore, how is she acting even colder now? Are you still trying to message with her? Because this choice to hook up with her friend is going to close the door to any future chance there might have been. Kiss that goodbye now. 

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Acacia98

Acacia98

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I'm trying to understand why you care that the mood has changed. If there was really nothing between you and she was already distant, you've not lost anything right?

If the situation really matters to you and you want to prevent it from happening again, in future,

1. Don't "remain friends" with someone you actually like.

2. Don't hook up with their friends.

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Gebidozo

Gebidozo

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OP, what’s so hard to understand here? There was obviously some mutual romantic interest between you and that first girl. She wasn’t ready for a relationship, and you started hitting on her friend instead. It’s your choice, of course, you can date whomever you want, but why would you expect that first girl to be happy about that? How would you feel if she hit on your friend immediately after you guys decided to “just be friends”? 

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basil67

basil67

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2 hours ago, howlzy said:

A few months? We weren't exclusive and I literally didn't even get physical with her lmao. Also yes she knew.

If it's all so "lmao" and you were confident that you did nothing wrong,  you would have just laughed her reaction off and not given it a second thought.  But instead you made a thread asking about her reaction.

I think this was not your best moment, and it was certainly not her friend's best moment.   But it is what it is, and the shy girl is entitled to feel whatever she feels....especially if she really did like you despite not being ready yet.  

All in all, you were right to not wait around, but this was a bit too close to home for her.   And truth be told...real friends, the ones who don't have complicated friendships.....are most often the ones who've never dabbled in romance

Edited by basil67
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Sony12

Sony12

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This is about the fourth thread this guy has made about this girl. I think he has some issues about himself he needs to work out before he puts much focus on dating.

He's making a thread about a friend of a girl he says he hooked up with. No he's not trying to make someone jealous at all.

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howlzy

howlzy

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3 hours ago, Sony12 said:

This is about the fourth thread this guy has made about this girl. I think he has some issues about himself he needs to work out before he puts much focus on dating.

He's making a thread about a friend of a girl he says he hooked up with. No he's not trying to make someone jealous at all.

Hi sony

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howlzy

howlzy

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8 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This is the same girl you had a few threads about recently, right? 

Look, you're free to hook up with whomever you want. But you can't be so naive as to think hooking up with her friend is a good look. Come on, man. And you didn't "lose interest" when you had, what, 3 threads going about her within the last couple weeks? 

At least be honest with yourself here. You liked her a lot. That much is obvious from your posting history about her. And if you're not really talking to her anymore, how is she acting even colder now? Are you still trying to message with her? Because this choice to hook up with her friend is going to close the door to any future chance there might have been. Kiss that goodbye now. 

OKAY i like her a bit goddd and yes i wanted to make her jealous but i didn’t expect her to actually get mad 

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smackie9

smackie9

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She felt incredibly devalued, and you lost any credibility with her. Just be movin on now. 

Edited by smackie9
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Sony12

Sony12

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Not only did you try to make her jealous but you also insulted her friend. Don't think for one second that the friend doesn't know what is going on.

Maybe you should join a monestery for a little while where you won't be around young ladies, lol.

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stillafool

stillafool

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From your other thread, I see you found out her ex was the reason she lost interest in you.  If this was the case you were within your rights to hit up her friend and anyone else you wanted.   I don't see why she'd have a problem with it if she wants her ex back.   What I fail to understand is why was it so easy for you to have sex with the friend but not try to kiss the other girl after 3 dates?

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mark clemson

mark clemson

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The original dating girl doesn't like you anymore, you can't be with the friend girl without the original girl being an elephant in the room for both of you.

The whole thing sounds awkward. Sometimes, if you've managed to make a mess of things WRT how potential romantic partners feel about you, the easiest AND most sensible thing to do is just walk away from the whole thing and try to do better with someone new where there are no weird loose ends.

 

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Alpacalia

Alpacalia

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1 hour ago, howlzy said:

OKAY i like her a bit goddd and yes i wanted to make her jealous but i didn’t expect her to actually get mad 

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Lesson learned.

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mark clemson

mark clemson

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Aye, jealousy farming is dysfunctional behavior IMO.

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Sony12

Sony12

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4 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Lesson learned.

It's a very highschoolish type of thing to do (maybe even junior highish). I'm beginning to suspect if this story is real at all than this was one of the first girls he has ever crushed over.

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Alpacalia

Alpacalia

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8 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

It's a very highschoolish type of thing to do (maybe even junior highish). I'm beginning to suspect if this story is real at all than this was one of the first girls he has ever crushed over.

Yes, maybe. I mean, I can see going on to date another woman but going after a friend is just gross.

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Sony12

Sony12

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2 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Yes, maybe. I mean, I can see going on to date another woman but going after a friend is just gross.

If he legitimately was starting something with the girls friend because he had a thing for her as well that would be one thing. But he flat out admits on this thread that he was trying to make the girl he has made multiple threads about here jealous.

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Alpacalia

Alpacalia

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Just now, Sony12 said:

If he legitimately was starting something with the girls friend because he had a thing for her as well that would be one thing. But he flat out admits on this thread that he was trying to make the girl he has made multiple threads about here jealous.

Yes, very true. It's one thing if he was genuinely interested in her friend but like you say and as evidenced in this thread, that doesn't seem to be the case.

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ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

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4 hours ago, howlzy said:

OKAY i like her a bit goddd and yes i wanted to make her jealous but i didn’t expect her to actually get mad 

Are you that clueless and inexperienced with women? 

 

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Sony12

Sony12

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13 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Are you that clueless and inexperienced with women? 

 

Maybe he will tell you in thread number 5, lol.

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MsJayne

MsJayne

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6 hours ago, howlzy said:

OKAY i like her a bit goddd and yes i wanted to make her jealous but i didn’t expect her to actually get mad 

So you used her friend to make her jealous. You did it to be cruel and Shy Girl knows that because she's way smarter than you. You say you're attracted to her, but you deliberately did something to hurt her, (emotionally abusive and you're not even in a relationship with her! Tsk, tsk). Sounds like her gut-feeling told her to be wary of you so she played it safe by backing off, and then you showed her that her gut-feeling was spot on. She's not mad at you because she's jealous, she's mad at you because you used her friend to prove how shallow you are. I use the term 'friend' lightly, an actual friend wouldn't have gone there. Shy Girl's out of your league, you need to aim much lower if you want a girl who'll play juvenile mind games with you. I suggest you ponder the relationship between your ego and your intellect, one is running the show with very little input from the other. 

Edited by MsJayne
Grammar Error
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Gebidozo

Gebidozo

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9 hours ago, howlzy said:

OKAY i like her a bit goddd and yes i wanted to make her jealous but i didn’t expect her to actually get mad 

OP, your profile says you are between ages 18 and 24. Judging by your posts, I’d rather say 14-16.

The only appropriate reaction to your statement is a resounding “DUH!!”

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