18 year old son seeing a much older man, what should I do?

[Gebidozo]

To be honest, I fail to understand why the outrage in this thread seems to be directed primarily at the fact that there is an age gap between the OP and his lover. 

Regardless of what anyone might think of relationships with younger people, that young man is 18, of legal age, conscious of his decisions. He wasn’t raped or coerced. He willingly chose to have sex with the OP. The OP didn’t lie or mislead him.

I’m not defending the OP’s behavior at all, I’m just saying that his infidelity is a much bigger issue than the fact that his lover happens to be much younger than him.

[EvanMich]

2 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

To be honest, I fail to understand why the outrage in this thread seems to be directed primarily at the fact that there is an age gap between the OP and his lover. 

Regardless of what anyone might think of relationships with younger people, that young man is 18, of legal age, conscious of his decisions. He wasn’t raped or coerced. He willingly chose to have sex with the OP. The OP didn’t lie or mislead him.

I’m not defending the OP’s behavior at all, I’m just saying that his infidelity is a much bigger issue than the fact that his lover happens to be much younger than him.

Thank you for pointing out the prejudice. 

[Sony12]

6 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

To be honest, I fail to understand why the outrage in this thread seems to be directed primarily at the fact that there is an age gap between the OP and his lover. 

Regardless of what anyone might think of relationships with younger people, that young man is 18, of legal age, conscious of his decisions. He wasn’t raped or coerced. He willingly chose to have sex with the OP. The OP didn’t lie or mislead him.

I’m not defending the OP’s behavior at all, I’m just saying that his infidelity is a much bigger issue than the fact that his lover happens to be much younger than him.

 

Cheating won't put people in jail. Making a mistake by accidentally bedding an underage person will. So no the infidelity isn't as big of an issue as the fact he is going right up to the limit of what is legal.

[EvanMich]

3 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

 

Cheating won't put people in jail. Making a mistake by accidentally bedding an underage person will. So no the infidelity isn't as big of an issue as the fact he is going right up to the limit of what is legal.

I am not though. But you fail to understand this because there is a bias. @gebidozo said it right. 

[OKtoday]

4 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

To be honest, I fail to understand why the outrage in this thread seems to be directed primarily at the fact that there is an age gap between the OP and his lover. 

Regardless of what anyone might think of relationships with younger people, that young man is 18, of legal age, conscious of his decisions. He wasn’t raped or coerced. He willingly chose to have sex with the OP. The OP didn’t lie or mislead him.

I’m not defending the OP’s behavior at all, I’m just saying that his infidelity is a much bigger issue than the fact that his lover happens to be much younger than him.

For me, it’s because it’s a friend of his sons, so less chance of this remaining discreet and I’ve already noted the possible fallout. If it was with someone no one knew, ok… it happened. 
move on.

[Sony12]

2 minutes ago, EvanMich said:

I am not though. But you fail to understand this because there is a bias. @gebidozo said it right. 

As I have said before you are a borderline predator.

[EvanMich]

Just now, Sony12 said:

As I have said before you are a borderline predator.

OK that's your opinion. I don't really care. 

[Sony12]

Just now, EvanMich said:

OK that's your opinion. I don't really care. 

Then why are you here? People who don't care wouldn't even bother with talking to people about it that they don't know.

[EvanMich]

Just now, Sony12 said:

Then why are you here? People who don't care wouldn't even bother with talking to people about it that they don't know.

To get some insight and let my thoughts out. This is an anonymous forum where I can express myself and discuss my situation. 

 

[Sony12]

2 minutes ago, EvanMich said:

To get some insight and let my thoughts out. This is an anonymous forum where I can express myself and discuss my situation. 

 

And here is some insight. It's perfectly fine to get involved with younger. But don't stoop to the level where you are currently at. Someone ten years older than that kid would likely be a lot better in bed anyways.

[EvanMich]

3 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

And here is some insight. It's perfectly fine to get involved with younger. But don't stoop to the level where you are currently at. Someone ten years older than that kid would likely be a lot better in bed anyways.

 It's fine that's your opinion. It's about my wants though and what satisfies me. Not saying I only like 18 year olds. I am into 18 to 25 year olds generally for sex. But find older people attractive too. But sometimes I want to feel the thrill of having sex with someone that would be considered unusual or taboo as I said before. 

[Sony12]

5 minutes ago, EvanMich said:

 It's fine that's your opinion. It's about my wants though and what satisfies me. Not saying I only like 18 year olds. I am into 18 to 25 year olds generally for sex. But find older people attractive too. But sometimes I want to feel the thrill of having sex with someone that would be considered unusual or taboo as I said before. 

 

You probably need to be talking in a hook up forum then than at a place like this. You already have your mind set on what you are going to do anyways so I don't know why you are wasting your time writing messages here.

[EvanMich]

2 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

 

You probably need to be talking in a hook up forum then than at a place like this. You already have your mind set on what you are going to do anyways so I don't know why you are wasting your time writing messages here.

Any recommendations? 

It's still interesting to share my thoughts with others. 

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, EvanMich said:

I don't want it to get out

You're living in fantasy-land if you think this young man will keep this secret forever. 

You'd better prepare yourself for the fall-out when that day comes. 

[BaileyB]

47 minutes ago, EvanMich said:

 It's fine that's your opinion. It's about my wants though and what satisfies me. Not saying I only like 18 year olds. I am into 18 to 25 year olds generally for sex. But find older people attractive too. But sometimes I want to feel the thrill of having sex with someone that would be considered unusual or taboo as I said before. 

Whatever floats your boat…

But, you owe your wife the decency to let her get out before this gets worse. She may know that you are bisexual and she may even have some idea that you are sexually active outside the marriage - but you really need to end the marriage if you chose to engage in risky, socially inappropriate relationships. You won’t be able to keep this secret forever, not when you are taking these kind of risks. Divorce is the kindest thing you can do for her - 

Let her keep her dignity, 

[EvanMich]

7 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You're living in fantasy-land if you think this young man will keep this secret forever. 

You'd better prepare yourself for the fall-out when that day comes. 

He understands my situation. I believe in him that he won't say anything as he says. If he will then I will deal with it somehow. 

[EvanMich]

1 minute ago, BaileyB said:

Whatever floats your boat…

But, you owe your wife the decency to let her get out before this gets worse. She may know that you are bisexual and she may even have some idea that you are sexually active outside the marriage - but you really need to end the marriage if you chose to engage in risky, socially inappropriate relationships. You won’t be able to keep this secret forever, not when you are taking these kind of risks. Divorce is the kindest thing you can do for her - 

Let her keep her dignity

I agree. I will speak to her sometime next week.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

6 minutes ago, EvanMich said:

He understands my situation. I believe in him that he won't say anything as he says. If he will then I will deal with it somehow. 

This is what I am saying - you are foolish to think an 18-year-old is going to keep a secret this scandalous to himself. 

You need to get real here. 

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, Sony12 said:

 

Cheating won't put people in jail. Making a mistake by accidentally bedding an underage person will. So no the infidelity isn't as big of an issue as the fact he is going right up to the limit of what is legal.

How is 18 right up to the limit, which is 16 in the OP’s country?

Right up to the limit would be someone who just turned 16.

Regardless, even right up to the limit is legal. What’s illegal is beyond that limit. The OP didn’t go beyond that limit.

Also, I’m not sure that any laws of any country could be regarded as the ultimate moral authority. I think that marital infidelity is a worse sin than consensual sex with an 18 year old person. Feel free to disagree, of course, but legality in that or another country isn’t a particularly strong argument. 

[mark clemson]

On 5/11/2024 at 6:50 AM, stillafool said:

Someone made a thread a few days ago about their son having sex with an older man..  The son was 18 and the man is 54, was this you in reverse? 

IMO this is 99.9% likely a fake post. Not sure why we're entertaining this guy or why he chooses to be entertained in this manner, but I suppose there's all kinds in the world with flame trolls and outrage farmers, etc.

IF it were real (which it's not) my advice would be to end it with the young man and be prepared for your life to get blown up when the 18 year old tells people about it, the news of it impacts your son, etc, etc.  But since it's not real, that's really not a worry, is it.

C'est la vie.

Edited May 12 by mark clemson

[EvanMich]

8 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

IMO this is 99.9% likely a fake post. Not sure why we're entertaining this guy or why he chooses to be entertained in this manner, but I suppose there's all kinds in the world with flame trolls and outrage farmers, etc.

IF it were real (which it's not) my advice would be to end it with the young man and be prepared for your life to get blown up when the 18 year old tells people about it, the news of it impacts your son, etc, etc.  But since it's not real, that's really not a worry, is it.

C'est la vie.

You can believe what you want, but my situation is very real. I admitted to be the person who made the thread about the son. 

I am ending it, and I trust him he'll keep it to himself. 

[Els]

4 hours ago, EvanMich said:

I seen women posting about having sex with 18 year olds at or near my age (it's one reason why I felt encouradged to post here) but nobody considers that exploitation

Really, there are women posting here about having sex with 18-yo boys who are their son's friends when they are in their 50s and married, and apparently none of us consider that exploitation? Want to link to some of those?

[EvanMich]

1 minute ago, Els said:

Really, there are women posting here about having sex with 18-yo boys who are their son's friends when they are in their 50s and married, and apparently none of us consider that exploitation? Want to link to some of those?

I did link one if you scroll up. 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/topic/519834-affair-recently-ended-with-much-younger-man/#comments

[Els]

1 minute ago, EvanMich said:

I did link one if you scroll up. 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/topic/519834-affair-recently-ended-with-much-younger-man/#comments

And more than half of the responders to that 2016 thread are telling the OP that she's messed up and she could go to jail. That's not "nobody". Stop making s*** up, lol.

[EvanMich]

7 minutes ago, Els said:

And more than half of the responders to that 2016 thread are telling the OP that she's messed up and she could go to jail. That's not "nobody". Stop making s*** up, lol.

I didn't see any personal comments talking about abuse or exploitation. They only warned her because the boy was younger than mine but said its okay after she said its legal. 

Stop pretending. There is a clear gender bias with the exception of two users here who are rightfully addressing my problem instead of focusing on the age gap. Thanks to those two.