Over-reacting? Boyfriend invites friends over for a game night and I have work early in the morning

[Sazra]

Hi all, 

wanting to see if I am over reacting, and get others thoughts, 

my boyfriend and I have just moved into our home, 

I have work 8am and he has invited his friends over for a games night, I working till 10:30pm on this evening came home with a big headache and told him I was going up, 

him and his friends proceed to make loads of noise and not once does he come and see if I am ok or see if I would like his friends to go now 12am 

[basil67]

If this is a one off event, I wouldn't say anything.    But if he wants to do it again, I'd have a conversation about finding compromise in terms of noise and finishing time.

 

[Gebidozo]

Why do you expect him to come and see if you would like his friends to go?

If you would like his friends to go, you should tell him that. 

Such things should generally be discussed beforehand, like this:

He: Is it ok if my friends come tonight and we have a game night? 
You: Sure, but I have to wake up early next morning, so either you guys keep it quiet or finish by midnight, what do you say?

[MsJayne]

Assuming it's Friday night where you are, so the beginning of his weekend (?), but not yours if you have to work. If you've only just moved in together I'd address this immediately as it'll turn into a big problem if it's going to be a regular thing and you work weekends.  

[stillafool]

He should have discussed this with you beforehand, but given you just moved in together, he may think it's okay to entertain his friends.  Perhaps the next time he wants to game he can go to one of their houses so as not to disturb your rest.  If someone told me they had a headache and was going up to bed, I too would let them be and not disturb them.  He should have kept the noise down or moved the gaming to someone else's place.

[Alpacalia]

Gah, that would definitely irritate me! I think 12am is a pretty normal time to start winding down for the night, and if you've got work early the next day, I understand why you would want to go to bed early. Years ago when I lived with roommates they would have parties until like 4am and it drove me crazy, so I can relate to feeling frustrated in that situation. It's possible that he didn't realize how loudly they were being, or that he thought you might come down and join them eventually.

But regardless, I think it's important for partners to communicate and check in with each other, especially when living together. Maybe you could talk to him about it calmly and explain how you were feeling and see if he could be more considerate in the future?

[Els]

22 hours ago, Sazra said:

him and his friends proceed to make loads of noise and not once does he come and see if I am ok or see if I would like his friends to go now 12am

He can't read your mind, surely. You should have gone down and talked to him.

You two need to have a discussion on this later, but IMO expecting someone to NEVER have their friends around from 10.30pm to midnight is unreasonable. You should probably come to a compromise where they can do that sometimes, but on evenings where you don't have to work the next day.

[BaileyB]

I don’t think that I would be annoyed by this. If I came home from work early and he had friends over, I wouldn’t expect him to ask his friends to leave. I would have gone to bed and slept. 

[Acacia98]

That would annoy me. I go out of my way to be considerate towards the people who are close to me. So I definitely notice when the favor isn't returned in this most basic of ways. You two should have a conversation to set guidelines about having friends over, noise, and other realities that come with living together. 

[Nellea]

It’s inconsiderate of him. You should definitely tell him 😕 He’s probably not the most naturally empathetic person… is that right? Is he usually more thoughtful than this?