Boyfriend has two facebook pages

[HateThisLimbo]

I've been dating my boyfriend for about 9 months.  We are both in our 50's and started dating after he sent me a few messages on facebook. We spent a ton of time together from the get go.  At the beginning of March I saw his name pop up as people you might know on FB and assumed that he had been hacked.  I told him to change his password and thought nothing more of it.  He agreed.  At the same time, I began to notice that he was no longer commenting on my my FB posts but really didn't think anything about it. A few weeks ago, he sent me a link to something on Messenger but used the page that I originally thought was from being hacked.  Clearly he had not been hacked and had created a new FB page.  I immediately screen shotted the message had "You Are Not Friends" at the top of it.  I sent him the screenshot and asked him why he had another facebook page and why I wasn't on it?  He said that he couldn't get into his old page and just started a new one. However, he is still active on the old account. He doesn't know that I can see the green dot that shows him active on the old account and I have seen him active on it on several different occassions.  I screenshotted those too. I haven't said anything yet but plan on doing so soon.  I really don't want to come off as the crazy but my  gut is telling me that something is going on.  I'm struggling on how to handle this.  Please offer thoughts and advice.

[ExpatInItaly]

I generally don't put much stock into social media activity, but he's already lied about this. It doesn't smell right. 

Lots of people have a few different profiles, for whatever reason. He could have just been honest that he does, too. It's the lie that would ring an alarm bell for me, as it did for you. 

How has your relationship been up until now? Have you noticed any other shifts in his behaviour? 

 

[HateThisLimbo]

It's definitely the lie that is bothering me. First letting me think that he was hacked.  Second for telling me that he couldn't get into his old FB page when I can see that he is active on it. The relationship has  been perfect until recently.  I can definitely feel a shift.  My radar is up and am watching things very closely.  

[flitzanu]

yeah, i think there's some gray area here to be concerned.  i'm one of those people with multiple profiles just so i can control my own "narrative" with which public circles, so it isn't that weird to have more than one account.

however, the lying about being locked out of one and making a new one would be questionable.  and, if you've been together 9 months on top of that.

if i was with someone a small amount of time, days/few weeks, even a couple months i might try to dance around the subject, or at least say "oh i use this fb for work and this other one for my friends" 

and after growing up with social media, yes it means a lot to some, and no it means nothing to others.  if someone is very active on social media....but actively tries to keep you a secret, that can be a red flag.

[basil67]

Having two accounts isn't odd if one is business related and the other is personal, but I agree that the secrecy is alarming.   I'm not sure I could continue in good faith with a person who'd not only hidden, but also lied about a second account.   

I'm not one to jump to conclusions re cheating, but it's the only reason I can think of as to why he didn't disclose the other account.   The other account is for the other woman

[smackie9]

If you find yourself having to question this behavior, I suggest it would better to just end the relationship. He's lied to you, and that's a fact. So what other proof do you want? He will just keep coming up with other excuses. See the pattern of behavior?