Dark Wolve Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 Won't go in much detail but before my gf and I got together, her and her ex and her began consensual sex. That turned quickly into him strangling her and her almost passing out and having to force him off. She finally told me about it today and I sat with her while she called the rape hot line. So to the main point. How do I help her heal? She doesn't know if she'll file a report because shes afraid he will or his friends will hurt her,what can I do legally to protect her? M(21) gf f(19) Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 48 minutes ago, Dark Wolve said: what can I do legally to protect her? M(21) gf f(19) Legally, probably nothing. Authorities need to hear from the victim herself, and if she is not comfortable proceeding, you can't do so on her behalf. What you can do is support whatever choice she makes, and be there to listen. I would also encourage her to seek therapy in order to effectively cope with the aftermath of this. She's been traumatized and a good professional can help guide her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 19 Share Posted May 19 Leave it to the professionals. Just be patient and support her. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 20 Share Posted May 20 Don't try to fix it for her. Be present, listen, but don't pressure her to file. It happens often victims of rape will need months, sometimes years, to gather the courage to file. I will add my voice to the others that she needs to speak to a professional to guide her through that ordeal. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 20 Share Posted May 20 You may also want to talk with a counsellor yourself, as you are likely to have feelings about this and questions about how to best support your girlfriend. It may help to speak with someone - don’t hesitate to seek out support for yourself, as this kind of violence does not only affect the person who experiences it… Otherwise, the advice that you have received above is good advice. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 20 Share Posted May 20 (edited) On 5/12/2024 at 1:58 AM, Dark Wolve said: her and her ex and her began consensual sex. On 5/12/2024 at 1:58 AM, Dark Wolve said: I sat with her while she called the rape hot line. ? Edited May 20 by stillafool Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted May 20 Share Posted May 20 (edited) Hug her, express your sorrow. Do NOT try to fix her. Do NOT try to find anything positive. Just hug and reassure her. Warmth and reassurance gives her the strength to think clearly and get help and to heal herself. "I'm so sorry that happened to you." Hug. Repeat. When we affirm people as they recount a painful episode or trauma, we actually help them a lot without trying to fix them. You affirm that this episode was painful and difficult and she's not crazy or defective for having been victimized like this. People often have all kinds of embarrassment and shame after being assaulted even though they have done nothing wrong. That embarrassment (sometimes even guilt) is on top of the trauma of being violently attacked. What your warmth and understanding do is help her with the embarrassment/guilt/why me? part of the pain. Helping a person with that part of the pain is HUGELY healing. They are then much more free to process the violent act itself without blaming themselves. You can read up on intimate partner violence. Getting assaulted by someone you know is often more traumatic than assault by a stranger. There is an extra level of betrayal in the equation from intimate partner violence. Edited May 20 by Lotsgoingon Link to post Share on other sites
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