Complicated relationship

[confused in confused world]

Hey everyone,

I'm in a bit of a tangled situation with a girl I've been involved with since December last year. We started off as friends with benefits, although it wasn't explicitly stated, but the spoken agreement not to see other people.

However, things got messy when I was still involved with another girl at the same time. I tried to end things with the other girl, but it was tough for one her side, and i felt bad for her i tried to ended and this not an explanation for my behaviour, but things ended messily when both girls found out about each other and im regretting this for my whole life.

After a lot of drama, I decided to pursue things with the girl I genuinely care about, who I'll call the "nerd girl." She was willing to give our relationship another shot, but she wanted something more serious than just casual sex that at time I couldn’t coz usually when it get serious i f*** things up.

However, things started to go downhill when she asked to see my phone twice. I refused the second time, feeling it was an invasion of privacy, and it led to more arguments. She became really depressed and questioned my trustworthiness and she asked for time to think.

Then a reach to her and we had a heart-to-heart, and I expressed my feelings for her, but she seemed shocked and unsure about where she stood. She mentioned needing more time to figure things out but i was like u had time and she said i want more time and i was like we need to figure things now she went I have feelings for u I don’t wanna lose u then I walked her home she said let’s stop this and she was crying, which left me feeling confused and frustrated.

In the next few days we met up in common area we go to. At first, I wasn't keen on talking or even saying hi. she tried to initiate contact, but I was still hurt and decided it was best to keep my distance. However, I soon regretted my decision and felt frustrated. Despite my attempts to reach out, she was understanding the situation, and i insisted on meeting only in head on head where we could be alone.

Eventually, we did meet, and I asked her to talk. During our conversation, she continued to express concerns about trust and the phone incident. We both admitted to feeling hurt, but she suggested it might be better for us to move on and in few month will finish our studies and move from the city and start anew.

And i said let me I finish speaking, then when I finished speaking she told me she needed time to think and would consult her sister, as she believed her friends' opinions of me are not in my favour . It's been a week since we last talked or met, as I've been hesitant to interact with her or with our circle.

I'm at a loss about what to do and how to fix it. Any advice or insights would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for reading

Edited May 12 by confused in confused world

[Lotsgoingon]

Wow dude, this is so messy and contradictory. You were involved with woman #1 in an fwb--but an exclusive fwb? Say what?! Once you go exclusive you are in fact seriously dating. So basically the fbw was NEVER a real fwb. It was always an exclusive relationship until you had sex with woman #2. 

Key question. I wouldn't want to show my phone to anymore, so I get why you said no. On the other hand, had you showed woman #1 the phone, would she have seen a recent call with woman #2? Be honest. 

Are you even sure you want to go exclusive with woman #1?

 

[basil67]

 

4 hours ago, confused in confused world said:

She was willing to give our relationship another shot, but she wanted something more serious than just casual sex that at time I couldn’t coz usually when it get serious i f*** things up.

This is where it went wrong.  She wanted more than you were willing (or able) to offer and the FWB lines have now been blurred by your different needs and approaches.   Now it's all complicated and it's ruined. 

I think your only option is to take the upper hand and cut her loose.  Honestly, it should have ended the moment she wanted more and you didn't

[ExpatInItaly]

This one is over. 

There was too much drama, which renders a future relationship impossible. You’re not right for each other and you both need to move on. 

[confused in confused world]

16 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Wow dude, this is so messy and contradictory. You were involved with woman #1 in an fwb--but an exclusive fwb? Say what?! Once you go exclusive you are in fact seriously dating. So basically the fbw was NEVER a real fwb. It was always an exclusive relationship until you had sex with woman #2. 

Key question. I wouldn't want to show my phone to anymore, so I get why you said no. On the other hand, had you showed woman #1 the phone, would she have seen a recent call with woman #2? Be honest. 

Are you even sure you want to go exclusive with woman #1?

 

I agree no i didnt have any recent connection with  women #2, and also not with any other women at all

[confused in confused world]

16 hours ago, basil67 said:

 

This is where it went wrong.  She wanted more than you were willing (or able) to offer and the FWB lines have now been blurred by your different needs and approaches.   Now it's all complicated and it's ruined. 

I think your only option is to take the upper hand and cut her loose.  Honestly, it should have ended the moment she wanted more and you didn't

Actually now i want her as girlfriend but how to fix it this the question?

[NuevoYorko]

You can't fix it.  You've revealed to that girl that you're not a trustworthy person.

How old are you?   You seem like you're very young.  Ignoring her when in the public place in the midst of all this lame drama (of your own making) was tremendously immature.   

Hopefully you've learned a lot about what never to do again.  

[Lotsgoingon]

Yeah I agree: you can't fix this. Welcome to one of the painful lessons of young adulthood. It's not like elementary school where the teacher decides they can cut you a brek and pretend you didn't act out or break a rule. 

In the real world, you break a relationship agreement by having sex with someone, many people will cut you no slack. And you only had a casual relationship anyway. 

But step back here. You guys set this thing up in a dumb way. You can go FWB or go exclusive. You don't do both of those. FWB means no commitment. If you're exclusive you're dating. So this entire setup was unrealistic and designed to fail. It's like I agree I'm atheist and then decide I have to commit to going to church twice a week--makes no sense. 

Don't worry: this experience will dramatically advance your dating knowledge. 

 

 

[Alpacalia]

Sorry my man, you screwed the pooch on this one. Doesn't really sound like it can be fixed. If I were you, I'd give her all the space she needs and it most probably won't end well. I know that sucks to hear, and I'm sorry. But, in the future, commit to one girl at a time. If it starts getting serious, DITCH THE OTHER GIRL. This avoid so much drama and trouble that can occur.

If you can't do that, you're too immature for anything serious.

No one likes sleeping 2nd place with someone.  Your little affair with this other person will likely haunt you for awhile, and it should. With experience comes maturity. Now, you know.

Lesson learned. Live and learn.

Good luck bud.

[MsJayne]

You showed her that you think women are there for your convenience, bad move. Chalk it up to experience and maybe consider treating others how you like to be treated yourself. 

[ExpatInItaly]

This one more than likely is not fixable, as the others have pointed out. 

Please take the lesson learned here moving forward and don’t repeat such behaviour in the future. 

[Gebidozo]

I could have sworn that I’ve responded in this thread, was very surprised to see that there was no reply of mine, realized it was yet another one of those double posts.

Now that is confusing😖