My ex basically left me homeless

[Els]

1 hour ago, Ash22 said:

I did talk to several places where I was blessed with rental help and electric help as well. I have decided that it is best for me mentally and emotionally for not just myself, but for my own child as well, that we move back closer to family. I have a better opportunity in terms of employment than I do here. Plus, family. Family is all that matters to me right now and although this is REALLY going to hurt walking away from all of this, it’s the best thing for us at this time. 

That's fantastic! I'm happy that you and your child are going to be safe and with a roof over your head. It's definitely best for both of you to get out of this ASAP. Go NC with your ex as far as possible - it will hurt more at the start, but you will gradually start to heal.

All the best, I'm rooting for you.

[basil67]

@Ash22 I think you're doing a great job working with your therapist in understanding the dynamics of what's happening here.  But a lot of what you say is alarming.   For instance, you say that you're "a lot to handle" but it turns out that you're quoting what you've been told.   Is the truth that you've been in an abuse situation and when you push back, he gaslights you?

If you're still seeing your therapist, can you get some recommendations for books or support groups to help you recognise domestic abuse?  

[Acacia98]

11 hours ago, Els said:

Who freaking cares? The immediate situation is that this is a toxic mess and he was financially manipulative towards her, ensuring her financial dependence on him. It's not her that is using him to take care of her kids at the expense of his career, and actively discouraging him to get a job... this controlling behaviour only goes one way. The OP has plenty of time once she is OUT of this abusive relationships to reflect on herself and what changes she needs to make in her life. The crucial step that she needs to take now is to find a way to get out of this and survive.

@Ash22, seriously, just ignore this person, they have a chip on their shoulder and they are taking it out on you. Have you talked to a renters' advocate yet? Do you have any advice that you can act on?

I agree. 

11 hours ago, Ash22 said:

I did talk to several places where I was blessed with rental help and electric help as well. I have decided that it is best for me mentally and emotionally for not just myself, but for my own child as well, that we move back closer to family. I have a better opportunity in terms of employment than I do here. Plus, family. Family is all that matters to me right now and although this is REALLY going to hurt walking away from all of this, it’s the best thing for us at this time. 

I'm so glad you made this decision. I truly wish you the best getting back home and getting back on your feet.

[Ash22]

12 hours ago, basil67 said:

@Ash22 I think you're doing a great job working with your therapist in understanding the dynamics of what's happening here.  But a lot of what you say is alarming.   For instance, you say that you're "a lot to handle" but it turns out that you're quoting what you've been told.   Is the truth that you've been in an abuse situation and when you push back, he gaslights you?

If you're still seeing your therapist, can you get some recommendations for books or support groups to help you recognise domestic abuse?  

I can’t figure that out. Does that make sense? I’ve never dealt with this before. Never in my life have I had someone always blame me and ridicule me to the point where I believe I am. But on the other hand I can’t figure it out? 

[Ash22]

He has been messaging me. First it was “I really miss you you know. This is never what I wanted.” I broke NC and just replied with “the feelings are mutual. You have started a new life and I hope it treats you well.” Then hours later he wrote me at 11PM “You never loved me. your bedded down with someone in my house in our bed.” I’m sorry, WHAT?! 
 

I have a tendency to spiral emotionally. I’m working on this with my therapist. He left me two months ago. Why is he accusing me of things I’m not doing? And using “our”? I’m confused now. I’m sad now. I don’t even know what to think now. 
 

Then continued to send me songs with lyrics of “please don’t leave me.” The mind games are insane. 

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, Ash22 said:

He has been messaging me. First it was “I really miss you you know. This is never what I wanted.” I broke NC and just replied with “the feelings are mutual. You have started a new life and I hope it treats you well.” Then hours later he wrote me at 11PM “You never loved me. your bedded down with someone in my house in our bed.” I’m sorry, WHAT?! 
 

I have a tendency to spiral emotionally. I’m working on this with my therapist. He left me two months ago. Why is he accusing me of things I’m not doing? And using “our”? I’m confused now. I’m sad now. I don’t even know what to think now. 
 

Then continued to send me songs with lyrics of “please don’t leave me.” The mind games are insane. 

Block him.  Don't change your plans.  He's lying.

[basil67]

3 hours ago, Ash22 said:

He has been messaging me. First it was “I really miss you you know. This is never what I wanted.” I broke NC and just replied with “the feelings are mutual. You have started a new life and I hope it treats you well.” Then hours later he wrote me at 11PM “You never loved me. your bedded down with someone in my house in our bed.” I’m sorry, WHAT?! 

Please please block him!  

[basil67]

3 hours ago, Ash22 said:

I can’t figure that out. Does that make sense? I’ve never dealt with this before. Never in my life have I had someone always blame me and ridicule me to the point where I believe I am. But on the other hand I can’t figure it out? 

People who experience gaslighting can find it difficult to recognize the signs. They may trust the abusive person or begin to believe they are at fault in some way. For example, they may become convinced they have a poor memory, are oversensitive, or have misinterpreted a situation.

Please read more at https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/gaslighting#signs-of-gaslighting

[Acacia98]

13 hours ago, Ash22 said:

He has been messaging me. First it was “I really miss you you know. This is never what I wanted.” I broke NC and just replied with “the feelings are mutual. You have started a new life and I hope it treats you well.” Then hours later he wrote me at 11PM “You never loved me. your bedded down with someone in my house in our bed.” I’m sorry, WHAT?! 
 

I have a tendency to spiral emotionally. I’m working on this with my therapist. He left me two months ago. Why is he accusing me of things I’m not doing? And using “our”? I’m confused now. I’m sad now. I don’t even know what to think now. 
 

Then continued to send me songs with lyrics of “please don’t leave me.” The mind games are insane. 

OP, why are you leaving yourself open to this guy? You should have blocked him ages ago. You need to block him now. He is emotionally abusive. And you are trying to heal from the prior abuse. He's going to keep pummelling you, which will give rise to more injuries and prevent you from healing. And you are going to waste a lot of your energy trying to look for the sense/logic in his actions. All you need to understand is that his goal is to hurt you by drawing you back into regular interaction with him, and if you continue leaving the door open, he will worm his way back into your life and hurt you. This guy is not your regular guy, to put it mildly. You cannot afford to keep expecting him to act like a reasonable person who wishes you well. If you cannot protect yourself for your own sake, then you need to do so for your child's sake.

[Els]

Fourthing what everyone else said, you need to block him right away. You're in a vulnerable state now and he knows that. He's trying to take advantage of you, just like he did throughout the entire relationship.