Mamarenza Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 I struggle with people pleasing and I Went on a date last weekend and the man I went on the date with paid for our dinner and I paid for our drinks after. I told him I wanted to go 50/50 just because I knew I was going to order a lot of food and didn't want to put that on him. Plus I make my own money so I have no issues paying for myself. I told him my plan and he was fine with it. When the bill came he paid for everything anyways (which is a huge GREEN flag) but we agreed I'd pay him the half I said I would. After dinner we go get drinks And I pay for that then he takes me home. He only has venmo and I have every other payment app but venmo because my venmo messed up and I can't access my account. So when he dropped me off I told him I'd give him cash the next time we saw each other. Here's the thing. I don't plan on seeing him again, he was nice enough but there's something about him I don't like and I'm listening to my gut and cutting ties with him. I am a woman of my word and want to give him the money I said I would but at the same time I don't want to drag this out with him any further. Do I try to make the effort to gain access to my venmo to send him the money or am I doing too much and should I just end it without paying him back? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 Just cut ties. He paid the bill because he wanted to. leave it at that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 Personally, I'd just pay him back. You mentioned on at least 3 occasions that you would, so it clearly mattered to you. If you don't follow through, you may feel guilty, and that may impact your behavior/choices going forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 Seems a bit much but I understand your desire to follow through on your word. I think it's fair to say he really wanted to treat you, which he did. Why couldn't you withdraw cash from the atm during your date at the time you said you were planning to pay him for half? If he asks about the money, you can offer to send it to him. Keep in mind that you also purchased drinks twice, while he paid for dinner. So it's not like you owe him for the whole date. If he doesn't bring it up, I wouldn't worry about it. If he does, offer to send it to him and consider that a final goodbye. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 He only bought you dinner, not a trip to Paris, so I'd just leave it and if he contacts you again offer to transfer the money to him but otherwise don't lose sleep over it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 3 hours ago, smackie9 said: Just cut ties. He paid the bill because he wanted to. leave it at that. Exactly this, when a guys for a date there isn't an expectation of being paid back. Or or in this instance you could I guess try but it may make cutting ties tricky. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 Well, this is why you don't do the whole "I'll pay you later" thing in a situation where you don't know if you'll want to see the other person again. If you feel that strongly about paying for dates, then in the future just insist on splitting the bill on the spot. Otherwise, if he pays the bill, then just leave it at that. It sounds so unnecessarily messy to pay back a person whom you might not be seeing again. I think you should just leave it be in this situation, and in the future don't make such agreements. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 I don't know what venmo is, you must have his phone number, send him an e-transfer. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 (edited) I can't see that you were being a people pleaser in this situation. People pleasing is about doing what the other person wants...and I can't see that he actually wanted you to pay for yourself. I think that your pushing to pay for yourself was more about what YOU wanted. I also don't know what Venmo is, but why not do a manual bank transfer? Edited May 13 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 14 Share Posted May 14 When you are hoping around about paying him back, I'm sure he's got the message that you don't have any real interest in seeing him again anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
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