Is my married boss crossing lines? updated)

[doingtherightthing]

4 hours ago, stillafool said:

Then why do you continue to make this thread everywhere?

Because, even though things have improved, the conversation about 5 “love” languages to be able to show appreciation and recognition at work from my boss was confusing and I wanted to hear people’s perspectives.  Im navigating my life to my best of my ability and I come here to hear people’s advice. 
If you’re so bothered by my posts, just ignore them. Stop leaving passive aggressive questions on them. 
Thank you 

[doingtherightthing]

10 minutes ago, happyhorizons said:

I think she’s on the right path now. I hope somebody teaches her boss a lesson on how to treat ladies.

Thank you. The thing is, it seems in my boss’ mind, he was treating me “correctly”. As he mentioned, the physical touch is there because of the 5 professional love languages. His execution was wrong though. 

[doingtherightthing]

16 minutes ago, happyhorizons said:

His execution was creepy and unacceptable. You must realize that he is in the wrong not you.

Yea, I realize it. However, besides that, I do enjoy working there. Plus with the promotion offered with more pay is definitely tempting me to stay. 

[doingtherightthing]

7 minutes ago, happyhorizons said:

Has he ever treated other ladies like he did you? 

As far as the offering promotion or the lingering touches and hugs? 
As far as I know, no. He has however given high fives to other coworkers and with one even began taking it away as I did with him playfully one time bc I was afraid to confront him. After a while, I told him no physical touch but went back on my word as I was afraid to seem like a b**** . 
He has also hugs goodbyes his assistant manager who’s a woman. However,  his hugs with me was to comfort me when I “seemed” upset. 

[doingtherightthing]

12 minutes ago, happyhorizons said:

So, you recently were offered a promotion (by your boss I assume)?

Yes. I asked him whose idea was it and he said it was his. 

[doingtherightthing]

4 minutes ago, happyhorizons said:

He obviously does not want you to leave your job.

Well ofc, I asked him what made himoffer it and he highlighted my professional attributes. Part of me does feel like I’ve worked hard to be able to get the promotion. I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to stay though. 

Edited June 6, 2024 by doingtherightthing

[doingtherightthing]

18 minutes ago, happyhorizons said:

Maybe, he has now realized that you are interested and it will be about work and performance moving forward.

Hmm, good point. I’ve always been interested in moving up in work and taking a lead. I hesitated to show the initiative  because of his seemingly express at “closeness” to me. 
I still have a lot to think about. 
 I told him , If I were to say yes, there’s many things he cannot do the same and many changes need to happen and my say has to be taken into consideration seriously to move this place towards a positive change. 
 

[doingtherightthing]

5 minutes ago, happyhorizons said:

You did the right thing. There is another course you could take but probably better not shared here. If you are otherwise happy with your job (aside from his actions) then maybe by setting boundaries you can make this work long term. 

Well now, I want to know what course you mean? As an online course? Or a course of actions ? 

[doingtherightthing]

3 minutes ago, happyhorizons said:

Definitely a course of action. It’s important to set your boundaries and if you love the job and opportunity then proceed ahead (with caution ⚠️)🤔

Are you able to share the course of action? I’m curious. 
yes, ofc with caution ⚠️ 

[doingtherightthing]

7 minutes ago, happyhorizons said:

The keyword CAUTION ⚠️ 

Are you saying that if I accept, boss will think I want him or something? 

[Alpacalia]

 

No one is accusing you of being annoying it's just odd that you've created multiple threads with different names but the same issue.

[ExpatInItaly]

Do you like him, OP?

[doingtherightthing]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Do you like him, OP?

In a romantically way? No. 
He has positive attributes as a boss and some negatives too. Overall, he does a fair job at managing. My own issue about asking what has happened to me and getting clarification is just that- for clarification and learning how to assert myself in a workplace and not misread intentions. I come here for support and advice. 

[doingtherightthing]

3 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

 

No one is accusing you of being annoying it's just odd that you've created multiple threads with different names but the same issue.

I have mentioned that I created another account without knowing it’s not allowed and for privacy issues. I didn’t realize the other accounts post were still up after I reposted under my original account. 
I can’t even see my other account post. 

[stillafool]

12 hours ago, happyhorizons said:

I think she’s on the right path now. I hope somebody teaches her boss a lesson on how to treat ladies.

Thank you for your answer but when I ask a question that is directed to the OP, I like to hear their answers.

[stillafool]

12 hours ago, doingtherightthing said:

Because, even though things have improved, the conversation about 5 “love” languages to be able to show appreciation and recognition at work from my boss was confusing and I wanted to hear people’s perspectives.  Im navigating my life to my best of my ability and I come here to hear people’s advice. 
If you’re so bothered by my posts, just ignore them. Stop leaving passive aggressive questions on them. 
Thank you 

I'm not bothered by your posts just curious why if you got the answers you liked and agreed with why you were back asking this again in 4 new threads.  Now that you've answered the question and I understand.  Nothing passive aggressive about it.

[ExpatInItaly]

11 hours ago, doingtherightthing said:

I come here for support and advice.

Who said you didn't?

I was curious if your have a little interest in him, too. 

[doingtherightthing]

4 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Who said you didn't?

I was curious if your have a little interest in him, too. 

I was just clarifying why I posted a second post about this situation. 
When I first began working at a job, all I saw in him was a young boss who’s married and determined to be successful in his business. 
My only interest in him is professional. 
If for example, he had any genuine feelings for me , he should have approached it in a different way.
Now, all I see in him is a man who’s willing to cheat on his wife, unless of course I misread his intent as he’s applied to me. 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 minute ago, doingtherightthing said:

f for example, he had any genuine feelings for me , he should have approached it in a different way.

And would this have changed your stance that you only see him in a professional way? 

If you have no interest, it shouldn't matter how he approach hypothetical feelings for you. 

[doingtherightthing]

8 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

And would this have changed your stance that you only see him in a professional way? 

If you have no interest, it shouldn't matter how he approach hypothetical feelings for you. 

I agree and that’s the part I’ve been working in therapy. I have trouble with standing up for myself when I feel uncomfortable and also asserting my feelings in this type of situation. If this happened to me years ago, I would have allowed the high fives and hugs and just ignore how it makes me feel and that it’s wrong or even confront him. 


 

[ExpatInItaly]

No, I was asking something a bit different. 

The way you worded it made me wonder if you would have been open to his advances if he had genuine feelings but approached you differently. 

[doingtherightthing]

3 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

No, I was asking something a bit different. 

The way you worded it made me wonder if you would have been open to his advances if he had genuine feelings but approached you differently. 

Yes, I would be. If he has never let me know that there’s a potential attraction on his part, and say for example years down the road, he was single and not my boss anymore. Perhaps, I would. 
 

[doingtherightthing]

7 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

No, I was asking something a bit different. 

The way you worded it made me wonder if you would have been open to his advances if he had genuine feelings but approached you differently. 

However, I’m not open to dating anyone with a kid . Perhaps, as I get older that’ll change. 

[ExpatInItaly]

So underneath it all, you are attracted to him. 

This entire thread has made me wonder if what you are really asking is if he is into you. 

[doingtherightthing]

6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

So underneath it all, you are attracted to him. 

This entire thread has made me wonder if what you are really asking is if he is into you. 

I knew this was coming. 
Once again, the reason for my thread is to make sure, I am in fact not being s***** harassed by my boss. And that my thoughts , decisions and actions are valid. 
My thread is to compare my thoughts to others and make the best decision with a positive outcome. This isn’t to see if he’s into me. I don’t want my boss to be into me.
If he was, I’d actually prefer that he didn’t show it one bit because it created an awkward situation like it has now and it’s made me uncomfortable.