Is my married boss crossing lines? updated)

[basil67]

2 minutes ago, doingtherightthing said:

...At some point when confronting my boss about seemingly inappropriate behavior with the client

More likely, the boss portrayed you in a different light.

For example, it's not your place to confront your boss about what you see as inappropriate behaviour with a client.  You overstepped your mark big time.   Between this and the comment about your ego, it sounds like he had his quibbles with you too

[basil67]

To be clear, I've been in the situation where I left because I felt hard done by.  But in hindsight, I can see why some things I did would have annoyed him, just as he really annoyed me too. 

[doingtherightthing]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

More likely, the boss portrayed you in a different light.

For example, it's not your place to confront your boss about what you see as inappropriate behaviour with a client.  You overstepped your mark big time.   Between this and the comment about your ego, it sounds like he had his quibbles with you too

Makes sense. I’m sure he’s done this before as he’s been preparing in case I said something. Either way, I’m moving on and I did my best navigating this chaotic situation. So glad that I’m out of there. When sh’t hits the fan, I’ll be watching the news or hearing it from the people’s mouth at some point, I’m sure. 

[doingtherightthing]

2 minutes ago, happyhorizons said:

Of course, he portrayed HER DIFFERENTLY.  He LIED about the OP.  She is so much better off by being out of that toxic environment. 

I am glad that’s behind me. It seemed that he probably told the president that I accused him with “sleeping” with the client and probably made it seem that I was “ jealous” or something. I am soo ready to move on! 

[doingtherightthing]

10 minutes ago, happyhorizons said:

I think you are right.  He treated you with very dignity or respect. AND YOU DESERVE BOTH. 

There’s no way he’ll accuse me of defamation ? Right? 

[doingtherightthing]

2 minutes ago, happyhorizons said:

You simply told your factual account of what you experienced.  I bet your ex-boss wants this to blow over as fast as possible. There is another angle to this but probably not appropriate to say.

What’s another angle? Please share. Are you saying that , now that’s I’m not an employee , he feels/felt he can still try it with me without “abusing” his power and reel me into an affair that way? 

[Alpacalia]

Can I ask, why would you tell your new boss the reason you quit your old job? I would understand if you were trying to get your old job back by bringing it up, but it seems like you already quit your old job and have no interest in going back. By telling the new boss, you are putting yourself at risk for potentially making a bad impression or being seen as a troublemaker. You also do not owe anyone an explanation for your past job decisions. 

As someone who may have been in a similar situation, my advice is to focus on your current job and leave the past behind. It's great that you were able to stand up for yourself and tell the president about your boss' mistreatment, but now it's time to move forward.

Let your new boss see your worth and the reasons why he chose to hire you, rather than dwelling on the past. If the topic comes up again, simply say that there were personal reasons that led to your decision to leave your previous job and leave it at that. 

[doingtherightthing]

1 minute ago, Alpacalia said:

Can I ask, why would you tell your new boss the reason you quit your old job? I would understand if you were trying to get your old job back by bringing it up, but it seems like you already quit your old job and have no interest in going back. By telling the new boss, you are putting yourself at risk for potentially making a bad impression or being seen as a troublemaker. You also do not owe anyone an explanation for your past job decisions. 

As someone who may have been in a similar situation, my advice is to focus on your current job and leave the past behind. It's great that you were able to stand up for yourself and tell the president about your boss' mistreatment, but now it's time to move forward.

Let your new boss see your worth and the reasons why he chose to hire you, rather than dwelling on the past. If the topic comes up again, simply say that there were personal reasons that led to your decision to leave your previous job and leave it at that. 

The president is from my ex company, not a new job. 

[Alpacalia]

6 minutes ago, doingtherightthing said:

The president is from my ex company, not a new job. 

Can you not put this behind you? What's on the horizon for new job prospects?

[doingtherightthing]

Training and another interview tomorrow.

[doingtherightthing]

2 hours ago, happyhorizons said:

It's probably not appropriate to post it but there might be another scenario.  The bottom line is that your ex boss was inappropriate and crossed a very defined line that NO superior should ever cross. 

What is another scenario ? On my behalf or boss or presidents behalf? I can’t tell what you mean? You seem to have an experience in this type of situation. Please share 

[Alpacalia]

9 hours ago, doingtherightthing said:

Training and another interview tomorrow.

My apologies. I thought you told the President of the new company about your former boss with my initial reply. That's great that you are training and have an interview lined up!

[doingtherightthing]

34 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

My apologies. I thought you told the President of the new company about your former boss with my initial reply. That's great that you are training and have an interview lined up!

No worries and thanks! 

[NuevoYorko]

I hope you come to the point someday soon when you will be ready to step away from this whole situation.  

Back in June you were advised to go to HR and you said there was no one to go to.  Evidently there was this president you could have gone to.   I don't know why you continue to keep stirring this up but hopefully you're done now.

[doingtherightthing]

13 hours ago, happyhorizons said:

How did the interview go?

It was rescheduled for next week. I have others lined up too. I don’t mind it, so I can take few days to decompress. My anxiety has went down tremendously so this is a good sign. 

[doingtherightthing]

13 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

I hope you come to the point someday soon when you will be ready to step away from this whole situation.  

Back in June you were advised to go to HR and you said there was no one to go to.  Evidently there was this president you could have gone to.   I don't know why you continue to keep stirring this up but hopefully you're done now.

There is no official HR. For a while , there was no transparency of “titles” and “power.” I had a notion and so did others working there, that my boss was at the “top.” I had to do some digging. 
I did tell the  president that I regret not coming to him earlier , however whenever I tried to talk with him about any matter, he always referred me to my “boss.” 
Anyways, I am proud of myself for telling him , even though after the fact. I think if I did tell him while I was working there, it wouldn’t make any difference; I think it would make things worse for me given that he said that my resignation was the right choice. It doesn’t seem that he’s plan on replacing my “boss.” After all, it’s easier to replace an employee vs management. 
I am not “stirring” anything up. I am learning to stand up for my boundaries. You may understand it or not, but I have my own decisions and timeframe of doing things. 

[doingtherightthing]

Just now, happyhorizons said:

You did NOT stir anything but rather you stood up for yourself.  There is another reason and motive in the President's action and non-action. 

Yes, that’s what it seems that his action and non-action is to protect his company.
 

Also, I overheard the president calling my boss “an idiot” when my “boss” and the client I spoke about , were becoming seemingly “closer.”  The client and boss when hanging out, would drink and the client would rub my boss’ hair, neck and would hang off his shoulder and etc in front of everyone. Boss wouldn’t stop her. At some point after, he spoke with her to tone it down. ( from what I know)

The president has a poker face so it’s hard to read him. When I spoke to him about my boss, he did share that he’s 85% is satisfied with him. Perhaps that last 15% isn’t worth the trouble. 

[doingtherightthing]

25 minutes ago, happyhorizons said:

I would venture to BET that there is something else as well that is driving his attitude. Like I mentioned prior, there was another course of action (probably better not shared here) that I do believe would have shaken his nonchalant reaction. Regardless, you are better off without that whole situation.  It's good that you are taking some time for yourself to decompress maybe you can see family, go to the beach, go surfing or whatever you enjoy doing. 

Okay, call me crazy however this is what my instinct told me about the whole “client” situation.
This client actually works with the president at a different company. I believe her and the president had ‘something’ and the boss probably knows about it. When I think about it, the boss didn't try to do anything until a few months in and perhaps that’s when he’s learned that it’s a free for all. 
Or, you’re saying his nonchalant disposition is because I am not, in fact, pressing charges? 
 

[doingtherightthing]

2 minutes ago, happyhorizons said:

I am thinking about it merely from an OWNER'S viewpoint.  There was definitely something else amiss here.  It does seem (from your description) that the CLIENT is TOO COMFORTABLE.

What is that something else? 
The CEO’s father actually invested into the company, there are other investors as well. 

I’m sure if my boss was fired, I’d raise people’s eyebrows and the investors would back out. This company is nothing without the investors. I’m sure they wouldn’t want their name attached to this type of tolerated behavior. 
That’s the one reason I see that his nonchalant attitude is to keep it low.  
Also, I can and am thinking about pressing charges. I have my log. 
However, I wouldn’t be surprised that the camera footage would go amiss now that I’d mentioned it to him. I don’t trust him fully. 
I am actually upset that I have to look for another job, my mental health is jacked up and that I HAVE to suffer the consequences and not them. 
It would be fair if there was a settlement and a compensation for my suffering. 

[doingtherightthing]

12 minutes ago, happyhorizons said:

I am thinking about it merely from an OWNER'S viewpoint.  There was definitely something else amiss here.  It does seem (from your description) that the CLIENT is TOO COMFORTABLE.

So basically, if I had come to the CEO while I was working there, he’d pass this onto next in charge who’d pass onto my boss, who’d fire me most likely or make it seem that he wasn’t at fault and play mind games with me. 
It seems that the only route for me is to press charges and once they hear it, they’ll try to setting it privately and then I’ll have the choice to do this privately or publicly. 
 

[doingtherightthing]

2 minutes ago, happyhorizons said:

It really is more than but you have take solace in knowing that you did what’s best for YOU. I hate to hear that you are struggling mentally that is very sad especially when you should be confident.

Honestly, I’m not sure where my solace with this situation would be. 
Perhaps, once I mutter up the courage and energy to press charges, it will be just that. 
I have to think about this. 

[doingtherightthing]

2 minutes ago, happyhorizons said:

In that you stood up for yourself and protected your dignity. You just didn’t take his S……t. You have a great deal of backbone and self worth (as you should). 

It makes me wonder what do you mean by something else is amiss here because his reaction is nonchalant? 
He thinks that I will not press charges basically so he thinks I’m no “threat.” That I’m all talk and no action? 

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, doingtherightthing said:

I am not “stirring” anything up. I am learning to stand up for my boundaries. You may understand it or not, but I have my own decisions and timeframe of doing things. 

Yeah. You kind of are stirring things up. Coming in after you quit and just expecting the President will do anything about it after you quit isn't realistic. And you left the company over your own boss, it had nothing to do with the company itself. Even if you did tell him he wouldn't be able to do anything about it. You quit!

Also, it's important to recognize that standing up for your boundaries doesn't mean causing drama or trying to get someone in trouble. If you truly wanted to stand up for yourself and your boundaries, you could have addressed the issues directly with your boss and/or requested a meeting with the president and HR to discuss your concerns. Quitting on the spot and then going to the president after the fact seems more like trying to get revenge or create drama, rather than standing up for yourself. It's important to handle difficult situations in a mature and professional manner.

Edited July 20, 2024 by Alpacalia

[doingtherightthing]

1 minute ago, Alpacalia said:

Yeah. You kind of are stirring things up. Coming in after you quit and just expecting the President will do anything about it after you quit isn't realistic. And you left the company over your own boss, it had nothing to do with the company itself. Even if you did tell him he wouldn't be able to do anything about it. You quit!

Also, it's important to recognize that standing up for your boundaries doesn't mean causing drama or trying to get someone in trouble. If you truly wanted to stand up for yourself and your boundaries, you could have addressed the issues directly with your boss and/or requested a meeting with the president and HR to discuss your concerns. Quitting on the spot and then going to the president after the fact seems more like trying to get revenge or create drama, rather than standing up for yourself. It's important to handle difficult situations in a mature and professional manner.

That’s fine. So, perhaps the best thing to do is to press charges. 
I really do not owe you or anyone an explanation why I did it this way. If you’re not able to comprehend that I did my best and I come here for “support” , not nitpicking at my inability to navigate this nasty situation due to fear, seemingly disadvantage and lack of experience with this according to you, then perhaps you played your part at missing the point. 

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, doingtherightthing said:

If you’re not able to comprehend that I did my best and I come here for “support”

Sorry I have to say something here. You can be very rude to those who oppose you.  We are here to give our opinions in hopes that they will help.  We don't just blindly support people we disagree with.  I'm not even sure there are forums that do that.  One thing is clear about this forum the more people you oppose, the less replies you will receive to your threads.