Is my married boss crossing lines? updated)

[doingtherightthing]

Just now, happyhorizons said:

You did NOT stir anything but rather you stood up for yourself.  There is another reason and motive in the President's action and non-action. 

Yes, that’s what it seems that his action and non-action is to protect his company.
 

Also, I overheard the president calling my boss “an idiot” when my “boss” and the client I spoke about , were becoming seemingly “closer.”  The client and boss when hanging out, would drink and the client would rub my boss’ hair, neck and would hang off his shoulder and etc in front of everyone. Boss wouldn’t stop her. At some point after, he spoke with her to tone it down. ( from what I know)

The president has a poker face so it’s hard to read him. When I spoke to him about my boss, he did share that he’s 85% is satisfied with him. Perhaps that last 15% isn’t worth the trouble. 

[happyhorizons]

14 minutes ago, doingtherightthing said:

Yes, that’s what it seems that his action and non-action is to protect his company.
 

Also, I overheard the president calling my boss “an idiot” when my “boss” and the client I spoke about , were becoming seemingly “closer.”  The client and boss when hanging out, would drink and the client would rub my boss’ hair, neck and would hang off his shoulder and etc in front of everyone. Boss wouldn’t stop her. At some point after, he spoke with her to tone it down. ( from what I know)

The president has a poker face so it’s hard to read him. When I spoke to him about my boss, he did share that he’s 85% is satisfied with him. Perhaps that last 15% isn’t worth the trouble. 

I would venture to BET that there is something else as well that is driving his attitude. Like I mentioned prior, there was another course of action (probably better not shared here) that I do believe would have shaken his nonchalant reaction. Regardless, you are better off without that whole situation.  It's good that you are taking some time for yourself to decompress maybe you can see family, go to the beach, go surfing or whatever you enjoy doing. 

[doingtherightthing]

25 minutes ago, happyhorizons said:

I would venture to BET that there is something else as well that is driving his attitude. Like I mentioned prior, there was another course of action (probably better not shared here) that I do believe would have shaken his nonchalant reaction. Regardless, you are better off without that whole situation.  It's good that you are taking some time for yourself to decompress maybe you can see family, go to the beach, go surfing or whatever you enjoy doing. 

Okay, call me crazy however this is what my instinct told me about the whole “client” situation.
This client actually works with the president at a different company. I believe her and the president had ‘something’ and the boss probably knows about it. When I think about it, the boss didn't try to do anything until a few months in and perhaps that’s when he’s learned that it’s a free for all. 
Or, you’re saying his nonchalant disposition is because I am not, in fact, pressing charges? 
 

[happyhorizons]

8 minutes ago, doingtherightthing said:

Okay, call me crazy however this is what my instinct told me about the whole “client” situation.
This client actually works with the president at a different company. I believe her and the president had ‘something’ and the boss probably knows about it. When I think about it, the boss didn't try to do anything until a few months in and perhaps that’s when he’s learned that it’s a free for all. 
Or, you’re saying his nonchalant disposition is because I am not, in fact, pressing charges? 
 

I am thinking about it merely from an OWNER'S viewpoint.  There was definitely something else amiss here.  It does seem (from your description) that the CLIENT is TOO COMFORTABLE.

[doingtherightthing]

2 minutes ago, happyhorizons said:

I am thinking about it merely from an OWNER'S viewpoint.  There was definitely something else amiss here.  It does seem (from your description) that the CLIENT is TOO COMFORTABLE.

What is that something else? 
The CEO’s father actually invested into the company, there are other investors as well. 

I’m sure if my boss was fired, I’d raise people’s eyebrows and the investors would back out. This company is nothing without the investors. I’m sure they wouldn’t want their name attached to this type of tolerated behavior. 
That’s the one reason I see that his nonchalant attitude is to keep it low.  
Also, I can and am thinking about pressing charges. I have my log. 
However, I wouldn’t be surprised that the camera footage would go amiss now that I’d mentioned it to him. I don’t trust him fully. 
I am actually upset that I have to look for another job, my mental health is jacked up and that I HAVE to suffer the consequences and not them. 
It would be fair if there was a settlement and a compensation for my suffering. 

[happyhorizons]

3 minutes ago, doingtherightthing said:

What is that something else? 
The CEO’s father actually invested into the company, there are other investors as well. 

I’m sure if my boss was fired, I’d raise people’s eyebrows and the investors would back out. This company is nothing without the investors. I’m sure they wouldn’t want their name attached to this type of tolerated behavior. 
That’s the one reason I see that his nonchalant attitude is to keep it low.  
Also, I can and am thinking about pressing charges. I have my log. 
However, I wouldn’t be surprised that the camera footage would go amiss now that I’d mentioned it to him. I don’t trust him fully. 
I am actually upset that I have to look for another job, my mental health is jacked up and that I HAVE to suffer the consequences and not them. 
It would be fair if there was a settlement and a compensation for my suffering. 

It really is more than but you have take solace in knowing that you did what’s best for YOU. I hate to hear that you are struggling mentally that is very sad especially when you should be confident.

[doingtherightthing]

12 minutes ago, happyhorizons said:

I am thinking about it merely from an OWNER'S viewpoint.  There was definitely something else amiss here.  It does seem (from your description) that the CLIENT is TOO COMFORTABLE.

So basically, if I had come to the CEO while I was working there, he’d pass this onto next in charge who’d pass onto my boss, who’d fire me most likely or make it seem that he wasn’t at fault and play mind games with me. 
It seems that the only route for me is to press charges and once they hear it, they’ll try to setting it privately and then I’ll have the choice to do this privately or publicly. 
 

[doingtherightthing]

2 minutes ago, happyhorizons said:

It really is more than but you have take solace in knowing that you did what’s best for YOU. I hate to hear that you are struggling mentally that is very sad especially when you should be confident.

Honestly, I’m not sure where my solace with this situation would be. 
Perhaps, once I mutter up the courage and energy to press charges, it will be just that. 
I have to think about this. 

[happyhorizons]

2 minutes ago, doingtherightthing said:

So basically, if I had come to the CEO while I was working there, he’d pass this onto next in charge who’d pass onto my boss, who’d fire me most likely or make it seem that he wasn’t at fault and play mind games with me. 
It seems that the only route for me is to press charges and once they hear it, they’ll try to setting it privately and then I’ll have the choice to do this privately or publicly. 
 

No, I do not THINK that it would have played out like that IMO. 

[happyhorizons]

1 minute ago, doingtherightthing said:

Honestly, I’m not sure where my solace with this situation would be. 
Perhaps, once I mutter up the courage and energy to press charges, it will be just that. 
I have to think about this. 

In that you stood up for yourself and protected your dignity. You just didn’t take his S……t. You have a great deal of backbone and self worth (as you should). 

[doingtherightthing]

2 minutes ago, happyhorizons said:

In that you stood up for yourself and protected your dignity. You just didn’t take his S……t. You have a great deal of backbone and self worth (as you should). 

It makes me wonder what do you mean by something else is amiss here because his reaction is nonchalant? 
He thinks that I will not press charges basically so he thinks I’m no “threat.” That I’m all talk and no action? 

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, doingtherightthing said:

I am not “stirring” anything up. I am learning to stand up for my boundaries. You may understand it or not, but I have my own decisions and timeframe of doing things. 

Yeah. You kind of are stirring things up. Coming in after you quit and just expecting the President will do anything about it after you quit isn't realistic. And you left the company over your own boss, it had nothing to do with the company itself. Even if you did tell him he wouldn't be able to do anything about it. You quit!

Also, it's important to recognize that standing up for your boundaries doesn't mean causing drama or trying to get someone in trouble. If you truly wanted to stand up for yourself and your boundaries, you could have addressed the issues directly with your boss and/or requested a meeting with the president and HR to discuss your concerns. Quitting on the spot and then going to the president after the fact seems more like trying to get revenge or create drama, rather than standing up for yourself. It's important to handle difficult situations in a mature and professional manner.

Edited July 20 by Alpacalia

[doingtherightthing]

1 minute ago, Alpacalia said:

Yeah. You kind of are stirring things up. Coming in after you quit and just expecting the President will do anything about it after you quit isn't realistic. And you left the company over your own boss, it had nothing to do with the company itself. Even if you did tell him he wouldn't be able to do anything about it. You quit!

Also, it's important to recognize that standing up for your boundaries doesn't mean causing drama or trying to get someone in trouble. If you truly wanted to stand up for yourself and your boundaries, you could have addressed the issues directly with your boss and/or requested a meeting with the president and HR to discuss your concerns. Quitting on the spot and then going to the president after the fact seems more like trying to get revenge or create drama, rather than standing up for yourself. It's important to handle difficult situations in a mature and professional manner.

That’s fine. So, perhaps the best thing to do is to press charges. 
I really do not owe you or anyone an explanation why I did it this way. If you’re not able to comprehend that I did my best and I come here for “support” , not nitpicking at my inability to navigate this nasty situation due to fear, seemingly disadvantage and lack of experience with this according to you, then perhaps you played your part at missing the point. 

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, doingtherightthing said:

If you’re not able to comprehend that I did my best and I come here for “support”

Sorry I have to say something here. You can be very rude to those who oppose you.  We are here to give our opinions in hopes that they will help.  We don't just blindly support people we disagree with.  I'm not even sure there are forums that do that.  One thing is clear about this forum the more people you oppose, the less replies you will receive to your threads.

[Alpacalia]

7 minutes ago, doingtherightthing said:

That’s fine. So, perhaps the best thing to do is to press charges. 
I really do not owe you or anyone an explanation why I did it this way. If you’re not able to comprehend that I did my best and I come here for “support” , not nitpicking at my inability to navigate this nasty situation due to fear, seemingly disadvantage and lack of experience with this according to you, then perhaps you played your part at missing the point. 

Look. I am on your side, I have been in your shoes. It just seems that going to the President after the fact is maybe you're hoping you can get rehired, or use it as a chance to get revenge on your boss or something.

Let karma do it's job. Glassdoor exists as a way to rate companies and difficult bosses. Or go to your favorite review site and complain.

Going to the top boss after quitting on the spot may not have been the best way to handle the situation. Instead, it would have been better to address your concerns directly with your boss and then bring it to HR or the appropriate supervisor if necessary. 

I also want to remind you that standing up for your boundaries doesn't mean causing drama or trying to get someone in trouble. It means advocating for yourself and finding a solution to the issue at hand. In the future, if you encounter difficulties with a manager or co-worker, try to address it directly and find a resolution. And if things continue to be difficult, consider finding a new job  where you can feel respected and valued. 

This former boss of yours is eventually going to make mistakes with the President because he's obviously not a great manager. If the President is on the ball, he'll eventually connect the dots. Trust me, I've seen it happen a million times. 

[doingtherightthing]

1 minute ago, Alpacalia said:

Look. I am on your side, I have been in your shoes. It just seems that going to the President after the fact is maybe you're hoping you can get rehired, or use it as a chance to get revenge on your boss or something.

Let karma do it's job. Glassdoor exists as a way to rate companies and difficult bosses. Or go to your favorite review site and complain.

Going to the top boss after quitting on the spot may not have been the best way to handle the situation. Instead, it would have been better to address your concerns directly with your boss and then bring it to HR or the appropriate supervisor if necessary. 

I also want to remind you that standing up for your boundaries doesn't mean causing drama or trying to get someone in trouble. It means advocating for yourself and finding a solution to the issue at hand. In the future, if you encounter difficulties with a manager or co-worker, try to address it directly and find a resolution. And if things continue to be difficult, consider finding a new job  where you can feel respected and valued. 

This former boss of yours is eventually going to make mistakes with the President because he's obviously not a great manager. If the President is on the ball, he'll eventually connect the dots. Trust me, I've seen it happen a million times. 

I understand that I might of not handled it in the most professional and productive  way.

I didn’t have the map of navigating this, however my intention wasn’t to get revenge on my boss. My boss does have a lot of positive qualities and I did communicate that to the President.  I know intention doesn’t matter at this point. 

I know that there are some things I have to work on myself to be able to address these issues in a much more effective way in the future.
Hence, I come here and share what actions I have and haven’t taken. I am being honest and vulnerable. It’s not an easy thing to admit my missteps and being gently with myself. 

I believe that I had mentioned in my post that if you disagree with me coming to the President, please refrain from commenting. I know that you from what it seems have my best interest in your heart, however, I don’t want to feel like I have to battle the comments on this site on top of dealing with my situation. 
 

I do appreciate your input and I do agree with what you’d shared. 

[doingtherightthing]

11 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Sorry I have to say something here. You can be very rude to those who oppose you.  We are here to give our opinions in hopes that they will help.  We don't just blindly support people we disagree with.  I'm not even sure there are forums that do that.  One thing is clear about this forum the more people you oppose, the less replies you will receive to your threads.

Correct, that’s why I had mentioned to not comment if opposing about my decision. However, people are free to do as they please and I know it’s coming from a good place. In the future, I’ll just refrain from replying to it.  

[Alpacalia]

4 minutes ago, doingtherightthing said:

I understand that I might of not handled it in the most professional and productive  way.

I didn’t have the map of navigating this, however my intention wasn’t to get revenge on my boss. My boss does have a lot of positive qualities and I did communicate that to the President.  I know intention doesn’t matter at this point. 

I know that there are some things I have to work on myself to be able to address these issues in a much more effective way in the future.
Hence, I come here and share what actions I have and haven’t taken. I am being honest and vulnerable. It’s not an easy thing to admit my missteps and being gently with myself. 

I believe that I had mentioned in my post that if you disagree with me coming to the President, please refrain from commenting. I know that you from what it seems have my best interest in your heart, however, I don’t want to feel like I have to battle the comments on this site on top of dealing with my situation. 
 

I do appreciate your input and I do agree with what you’d shared. 

Excuse me, but this is an open forum. We can post however way we choose so long as it is under community guidelines.

[doingtherightthing]

Just now, Alpacalia said:

Excuse me, but this is an open forum. We can post however way we choose so long as it is under community guidelines.

Totally agreed. 

[happyhorizons]

8 minutes ago, doingtherightthing said:

I understand that I might of not handled it in the most professional and productive  way.

I didn’t have the map of navigating this, however my intention wasn’t to get revenge on my boss. My boss does have a lot of positive qualities and I did communicate that to the President.  I know intention doesn’t matter at this point. 

I know that there are some things I have to work on myself to be able to address these issues in a much more effective way in the future.
Hence, I come here and share what actions I have and haven’t taken. I am being honest and vulnerable. It’s not an easy thing to admit my missteps and being gently with myself. 

I believe that I had mentioned in my post that if you disagree with me coming to the President, please refrain from commenting. I know that you from what it seems have my best interest in your heart, however, I don’t want to feel like I have to battle the comments on this site on top of dealing with my situation. 
 

I do appreciate your input and I do agree with what you’d shared. 

Everyone handles situations differently.  The OP loved her job which made her decision to confront her "boss" and eventually leave her job DIFFICULT. I THINK that after she left, she had some time to reflect and realize that she was victimized in all this and then she decided to share her story with the President.  If she had more experience SURE she might have handled things differently but hindsight is always 20/20.  I do not see any of this as her causing DRAMA.  This is much more serious that mere DRAMA.  If you were an owner, you WOULD clearly view this differently. 

[doingtherightthing]

8 minutes ago, doingtherightthing said:

Totally agreed. 

I do apologize if my reply was rude and offensive. I appreciate all input. 

[doingtherightthing]

25 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Look. I am on your side, I have been in your shoes. It just seems that going to the President after the fact is maybe you're hoping you can get rehired, or use it as a chance to get revenge on your boss or something.

Let karma do it's job. Glassdoor exists as a way to rate companies and difficult bosses. Or go to your favorite review site and complain.

Going to the top boss after quitting on the spot may not have been the best way to handle the situation. Instead, it would have been better to address your concerns directly with your boss and then bring it to HR or the appropriate supervisor if necessary. 

I also want to remind you that standing up for your boundaries doesn't mean causing drama or trying to get someone in trouble. It means advocating for yourself and finding a solution to the issue at hand. In the future, if you encounter difficulties with a manager or co-worker, try to address it directly and find a resolution. And if things continue to be difficult, consider finding a new job  where you can feel respected and valued. 

This former boss of yours is eventually going to make mistakes with the President because he's obviously not a great manager. If the President is on the ball, he'll eventually connect the dots. Trust me, I've seen it happen a million times. 

Also, it’s fair to say that my inner resources are limited therefore I handled this situation insufficiently. 
Intent and actions are different , I understand,  but we all have to start somewhere. 

[happyhorizons]

13 minutes ago, doingtherightthing said:

Also, it’s fair to say that my inner resources are limited therefore I handled this situation insufficiently. 
Intent and actions are different , I understand,  but we all have to start somewhere. 

Again, I just don't think that you were prepared for his advances and you felt threatened but at the same time you LOVED YOUR JOB.  You were in a tight spot and frankly not one you should have ever been in.  To me, the owner has a huge responsibility and issue here.

[doingtherightthing]

18 minutes ago, happyhorizons said:

Again, I just don't think that you were prepared for his advances and you felt threatened but at the same time you LOVED YOUR JOB.  You were in a tight spot and frankly not one you should have ever been in.  To me, the owner has a huge responsibility and issue here.

I’m looking into EEOC and filing an inquiry to see what my options are. 

[happyhorizons]

I think you have more options than you might realize. One of poster suggested to put this situation behind you which I agree with but only you know what you feel is the best path forward for YOU.