Advice please

[SBruce]

I was getting ready for work, it was about 0440, when my partner asked me if we had any food in the fridge, I said I don’t know. So he got up and went to look and discovered several containers and asked me what each thing was, I was rushing around the house so didn’t have time to do what I was doing therefore he brought it to me and said what is this I said spaghetti sauce and he said “how was I supposed to know that?” I said check the container and he replied “how do know how long it’s been in here or if it’s still good?” and began ruffing through the fridge and asking me what about this or that?! I said “I don’t have time for this.” I was getting a little upset and annoyed by this point because obviously he wasn’t going to let it go, so I said “find something else i don’t know what to tell you” and that I have to go. He said well I guess I will call you when you get in your car, I said I have to finish getting ready and he said well you better answer the phone. I was super angry although this is a typical demand, he gets pissed if I don’t answer anytime at work or home or anywhere, so this is his regular demand, but this time i was upset at that it’s early morning, I have to go to work, so I got in his face and said “well what are you going to do if I don’t answer big boy”, he said I lunged at him as if I was possibly going to hit him, I honestly don’t remember, but doubt I did so, so for this recreation I will say I did so it fits the narrative he wants to paint as I am the aggressor. Then he forcefully (instinctively, as he says) shoved me knocking both my feet off the ground onto the floor where I land on my tailbone covered in water and in excruciating pain. He said he was sorry and it was an instinctive reaction to me getting in his face. I landed on 2 water bottles they busted went all over my scrubs from neck to shoes and I went to work like that. Am I wrong for feeling angry? We have been together 8 years and he has had a couple additional instinctive moments toward our kids both times he has excuses for and says it’s not his fault. But words of advice would be appreciated

[Alpacalia]

Oh, just no. This is 100% abuse. Please get out safely. With the water bottles or anything he says or does, really play this behavior out with what he may unhealthily model and discuss it with the needed ‘script’ with people who you can talk this through with. Discuss scenarios with professionals and those closer in circle who you can trust.

That script when you told him off was about your need to self protect. Vulnerably discussing ways he might have handled his feelings about needing your help with the food and what he thought was the best way to do this, would have been a more positive shared interaction. Instead this becomes a power and control game for him to yell at you, separate himself from the shared chaos and then ‘put’ you back in place.

Edited May 14 by Alpacalia

[Gebidozo]

It looks like you’ve been together with an abuser.

If he hasn’t changed in eight years, I think you might consider breaking up with him.